It’s Time For a Breakup

Picture of Dwight Schrute

“You’re dating him…really?”

We’ve all seen it and a lot of us have been there. We’re strong. We’re single. We aren’t settling. And then, something happens. We get desperate and start dating or ‘hanging out with’ with that guy.

I read through an old journal of mine from 2004 (Freshman year of college) and came across bitter ramblings about my relationship status. I wrote, “God, why?! _________ has a boyfriend. ____________ has a boyfriend. __________ likes so and so. EVERYONE has someone except me. I’m deathly afraid of being alone — forever — and never being loved.” — Ruthie

Embarrassing, I know. But as a woman, I was dying for a relationship. I just wanted someone to like me. I was a freshman in college and it seemed like only the wrong guys pursued me. But I was told dating the wrong guys, even casually, might exclude the right guys from liking me. End result? I waited for and am now happily married to the right guy. And all the girls listed in my journal aren’t married — or even dating.

You may be “old”. You may feel its past your time. You may feel like no one will EVER notice you. You may see all the divorce and broken relationships around you and have no hope the right guy even exists.

I cannot promise you that your Jim Halpert (The Office) will show up at your cubicle and sweep you off your feet. But I can almost guarantee that if you start dating or “hanging out with” the wrong guy to make yourself feel better or just to fill time – you are more likely to miss the right guy. Dating the wrong guy makes you more likely to marry the wrong guy.

I know he’s charming. I know y’all have a song. I know you’ve never felt like this with anyone before. I know he promises he will change. You are helping him change? News flash: Marriage doesn’t change people. Small issues in dating become huge issues in marriage – because marriage tends to magnify people’s selfishness. (IE leaving my phone at home or being unreachable will start to drive someone crazy).

Its time for a breakup if:

1.) Your friends and family roll their eyes when you mention his name.

2.) You have to constantly make excuses for him. (“He’s different when it’s just us.”)

3.) He doesn’t have any guy friends.

4.) He treats his mother badly. (They say guys treat the mother the way they will eventually treat their wives)

5.) He doesn’t have a job and isn’t actively looking for one. (Couch potato husband?!)

6.) You are a Christian and he isn’t. (The Bible is clear that these marriages won’t work because you will constantly be pulling in two different directions.)

7.) He spends copious amounts of time with you but is unwilling to commit. (Guys commit when they are into you.)

It’s time to take a step back and give yourself a pep talk. You are beautiful. Wonderful. Smart. Irresistable. You deserve to marry the right guy.

So wait for him. Being married to the man of your dreams is the best there is – but the thing about soul mates is they aren’t on every corner. Your time will come.

Until then – stop dating, hanging out with, getting attention from, flirting with THAT GUY.

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Comments
37 Responses to “It’s Time For a Breakup”
  1. andrealucado says:

    “but the thing about soul mates is they aren’t on every corner.” Thanks for this. Needed the reminder today.

  2. Durlers says:

    Did you write this for me!!??

    I’m waiting for exceptional and he will have my 5 S’s (with NO excuses made!). He will be… Saved, Single, Sexy, Smart, Sane!!

    • ruthie00 says:

      Haha — I’ve already had people ask me that. Seems like a lot of women can resonate. Not specificially for you, but your recent determination inspired me! I love the 5 S’s.

  3. Jodi says:

    Great post! And very timely for me right now. I’m with those asking, “Did you write this for me?!” :)
    I started a book last night that has been on my shelf for about 8 years – When God Writes Your Love Story. I have a lot of growing to do, but I’ve decided to let God take the pen.

    • ruthie00 says:

      Glad you enjoyed it, Jodi! Letting God write your story is the best thing you can do. Michael will guest post on my blog about this — because that was something he shared at our engagement party that reallly encouraged a lot of people.

  4. Lauren says:

    Ruthie,

    I enjoyed meeting you last night very much!! I got on to read your blog and ended up reading every post!! WOW! You are quite the writer and God has given you a beautiful gift of writing! Keep it up! It is very inspiring and I know God is using it in an awesome way. Like I promised…here is my blog http://www.theurbizos.blogspot.com. Hope you have a good day and thanks for sharing your beautiful writing with me last night!

    Love,
    Lauren

    • ruthie00 says:

      So glad you found me:) Thanks for your encouragement AND it was so great to meet you! I love your blog already. hopefully see you next time you’re in nashville!

  5. Just me says:

    Think I needed to hear this spelled out this week, thank you!

  6. morgrans says:

    Is Jim Halpert really a good model of the kind of guy who “sweeps you off your feet?” I guess if your looking to get married after living together for a while and getting pregnant.

    • Ruthie D. says:

      Jim Halpert is just an onscreen example of the kind of ‘chemistry’ women are looking for. I never said he exeplified Biblical manhood or what men should aspire to be like. I do see how it is confusing.

  7. Miriam says:

    I stumbled upon this just now. Thank you for that wise advice! Everything you said is so true!

  8. Chloe Rose Bown says:

    I really needed to read this last year when I was “hanging out” with “that guy” a lot and it went downhill – ie a lot of the points you have on the It’s time to break up part! However I know I wouldn’t have taken it on board (as many of my friends told me similar stuff and I didn’t listen). I suppose this is really perfect for me to know about next time! I just happened across this and a couple of your other blog posts and they are awesome! :-) Thank you! :-)

    • Ruthie Dean says:

      Hi Cloe! Yes, hindsight is always 20/20. Now you can be a voice of reason for your friends stuck in these relationships. Thanks for stopping by and please spread the word about my blog!

  9. I’m 22 & have never dated a guy, but just recently, I gave in & made out with “that guy.” Regretted it so badly. So very badly. I subscribed to your blog via email a while back & every time they come in, your posts are a blessing, You are a great writer. Thank you so much for doing what you do. God bless you & your husband! Thank you for the pep talk also!

    “It’s time to take a step back and give yourself a pep talk. You are beautiful. Wonderful. Smart. Irresistable. You deserve to marry the right guy.” LOVE IT!!! <3

    • Ruthie Dean says:

      Hi Nataly! I’m so glad you found me on here. Thankful you feel blessed and encouraged by my posts. You do deserve to marry the right guy! :) Please pass my blog along to your friends!

  10. Abby says:

    Oh my gosh! So true girl. So so true and something that it is tough to hear. It seems like when you are in the middle of a relationship you can’t see it. But once you are out of it and looking back you realize that everyone was right. Great post!

  11. Anna Rae says:

    I TOTALLY relate to this post! I’ve been feeling exactly the way you described feeling when you were a freshman in college, and I’m a sophomore in college! This was an encouragement to continue waiting for the right guy even though it will take longer…it will be worth it!

  12. khc says:

    I was engaged to “that guy” for three years before I finally wised up. The problem was everyone was rolling their eyes in private! I wish now that people had told me what they really thought about our relationship BEFORE we got serious. They all thought we weren’t right together.

    He was a nice guy, but he wasn’t a Christian. Finally after about a year of battling God I surrendered and broke up with him. I told
    myself, “okay! This is the time to draw nearer to
    God. I’m not dating for a loooooong time. Maybe
    forever!”

    A week later, I met the man who would become my husband. When the Lord encouraged and confirmed a relationship between the two of us, it took me off guard, but I realized later that all
    God wanted from me was complete and total
    surrender of my love life. He told me I was
    ready for my husband even though I thought
    otherwise. God is mysterious!

    And PS, he is a strong christian whom everyone I love KNOWS I am meant to be with. Don’t resort to “that guy” when “THE guy” might be just around the corner!

    • khc says:

      And I meant to say that I wish I had read this post during my old relationship! So true! Thanks for the wisdom :)

      • Heather says:

        I was engaged to that guy too. I wanted counseling, he agreed to it, then put it off, only to break it (the relationship) off in a text. There have been several articles over the past couple of years since then, that I’ve read and wished I’d seen during the relationship, it would have ended differently by me! I’m still single and waiting for my Proverbs 31 man!

  13. AMEN!!!

    Just stumbled on your posts this morning on Faith Village and loving your blog!!

  14. Becca says:

    I just stumbled upon your blog through boundless and man is it an unbelievable blessing. I just thought of a question that maybe you have answered before and I just haven’t found it in the last two hours I’ve spent browsing (i got sucked in!!!). What if you have not set the do not text standards or rules, is it hopeless to reassert those boundaries?

  15. Are you serious says:

    “If you’re christian and he is not” ….

    What century are you living in? What pathetic discrimination. You’re right, the guy is clearly the “wrong guy” if he is not christian, or the at least the same race or religion as you. It clearly wont work. I mean, how could it?

    How horribly narrow-minded and embarassing. Grow up. I agree with most of this article, but you made yourself sound so stupid with that comment. God forbid he isn’t christian.

    And the bible isnt “clear” on anything. Its all up to interpretation and you’re just embedded your discriminatory/racist perspective into it.

    Maybe you should stop jamming your racist “ideals” down other people throats. A “good christian” would be more understanding, I would think. I was raised jewish, intend on marrying someone who is catholic, and would never try to change that or jam my ideals into her life. Why? Because her being catholic would just be another thing that I love about her. Open your eyes. You should probably stop writing these blogs if you’re going to expose how narrow-minded of a thinker you are.

    • Anon says:

      THANK YOU. I second this. I got to that line and then thought “well I guess I can discount everything else this author has told me, if she is so warped that this makes the list.

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