Life as a MRS : New Last Name, One Big Celebration, Same ‘Ole Me

On June 4th, I wore this

Image of my wedding dress

Married him

image of michael dancing

changed my last name to Dean and became part of their family

image of the Deans dancing

at the best party of the year

image of people dancing at our wedding

and left for our honeymoon MARRIED to the love of my life.

Image of Michael and I leaving for the honeymoon

“Wherever you go, there you are.”

A new last name, new husband, new house…but at the end of the day — I’m still the same ‘ole Ruthie.  Which is good in some ways, but frustrating in others. I didn’t magically turn into the perfect wife, friend, cook, or anything else because I got married. Michael and I don’t have the perfect communication or conflict resolution just because I put on a white dress, we said “I do”, and made promises to each other.

It’s easy to ignore areas in our lives now and think that once we get married or meet ‘the one’ we will change. It just doesn’t happen. Andy Stanley, pastor of Buckhead Church, said he meets so many couples who think a ceremony and vows will magically change them into the person they want to be — but he says promises mean nothing. Preparation is what counts.

As much as I try to keep the house perfectly clean, Michael and I attempt not to get frustrated with each other, and we want to be the perfect wife and husband — we are still the same people we were on June 3rd. With time, we will grow and mature, but I’ve been surprised how many of my issues are not lessened but heightened because I live day in and day out in a close relationship with my husband.

Marriage doesn’t change people. Preparation was the best gift Michael and I were given by a wonderful couple from our church {Connie and David Thomas}, my mentor Betsy, Michael’s parents, and many, many others.

Prepare, prepare, prepare. Don’t think changing your last name and making promises will ensure you a problem-free marriage. Now is the time to change habits and patterns you don’t want to bring into marriage. I’m telling you, because I am grateful someone told me.

My friend Sarah serves as a great example of this principle. After hearing Andy Stanley talk about becoming the person the right person is looking for, she noticed areas in her life that she didn’t want to bring into marriage — and started making changes. She is moving in with a roommate (because she noticed selfishness), she started regularly exercising and eating healthy (because she wants a husband who takes care of himself), and she is working towards {pun intended} not being a workaholic. The best part is she is not engaged or even dating someone, but she is preparing because she believes NOW is the time to change. She wants to be ready when her time comes.

Are you preparing?

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Comments
14 Responses to “Life as a MRS : New Last Name, One Big Celebration, Same ‘Ole Me”
  1. Leann says:

    Ruthie, I really like your posts. Thanks for writing them. Talk to ya later – gotta go start preparing….. :)

  2. Melissa Harper says:

    You are a great writer, Ruth.

  3. Claire says:

    I found your blog through a friend and I want to tell you I so appreciate this and it makes me want to prepare as well, to make changes now, not wait until I have to. Thank you for sharing and God bless you guys on your journey together! And your wedding looked beautiful and like tremendously awesome fun!

  4. sarahj11482 says:

    You’re story about Sarah sounds just like my story! Lol love your writing! Found you through a friend on twitter

  5. isabel says:

    thank you for this. this is the best advice i have ever gotten. i will put in action now. thanks Ruthie. you are so wise beyond your years. may God continue to use you and bless your marriage abundantly!

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  3. […] is absolutely right. He talks about habits of selfishness, lust (pornography, etc.), among others. Don’t sit around waiting for someone to fix you because marriage only magnifies issues. DO NOT ever marry someone out of desperation that you are ‘old’, time is running out, or there […]

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