Don’t Text Back [And Other Rules for Catching Mr. Right]
Real Men Don’t Text was read by over 2,000 people.
Thank you to everyone who read Michael’s post last week, shared it with friends, & commented. We were both blown away by the response. I’ve been observing, thinking, & praying how to follow up. A common thread I see is the incredible frustration among single women with dwindling hopes that Mr. Right even exists.
I am no expert on dating. I have only dated, observed, made mistakes, made more mistakes, listened to stories from countless women about dating pitfalls, and am now married to my tall, dark & handsome husband. I write this post because I am tired of seeing women date guys they shouldn’t be dating, settling for Mr. Wrong, & making mistakes that will hurt in the long run. Please hear I am far from perfect and have made many of these mistakes myself. Also, I really need your feedback. Let’s all help each other on this journey to find Mr. Right, shall we?
Here we go.
Don’t Text Back. Text messages and any form of social media communication should never be the way you get asked out. If a guy can’t pick up the phone and CALL you to ask you to dinner, then he’s just not that into you. The first few months of dating—guys are on the their best behavior and if text messages are the ‘best’ wooing efforts they can put forward, then they aren’t going to do ANY BETTER down the road. PLEASE don’t make excuses for him. You deserve better.
Don’t overshare. Your I’ve never told anyone this before stories should not come until engagement is discussed. You can gradually share more intimate, personal details after you’re in a committed relationship but not before then! Over-sharing is dangerous in dating relationships, especially with discussing anything sexual in nature. He does not need to know your sexual history unless he specifically asks after you are engaged. You are forgiven for your past and it does not define you. Sharing little by little creates mystery.
Keep your clothes on. I’ve written about sex before, but this is probably the #1 pitfall women fall into on their journey to get Mr. Right to the end of the aisle. Sure most couples sleep together before marriage but it doesn’t mean you have to. Remember this post is about catching a husband, not a boyfriend. Sex outside of marriage is dangerous for several reasons. One, it’s no secret that sex creates an emotional bond with your partner making it exponentially harder should you break up. I’ve had guys break up with me because I wouldn’t sleep with them, so I’m not saying it won’t happen. But I’ve also had an unprecedented number of men tell me the “you aren’t like all the other girls. You’re different.” While I wish it was my beauty & charm I think it came down to one simple trait: I wasn’t willing to jump into bed with them. Sure there won’t be as many guys lining up to date you, but marriage will be a different story. Keeping your clothes on will ensure he isn’t dating you just because he likes seeing you naked—and keep his intentions honorable. If you aren’t into this idea, try waiting 6 months.
No sleepovers. (even if you’re not having sex) Sleepovers easily turn into moving in together and playing house. You don’t want to ‘play house’ with someone who might drop you when the next twenty-something receptionist starts at his office. (How many times have we seen this?) There is mystery to a woman who won’t sleep over.
Don’t move in with him. Research shows that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce. Also, if he’s living with you & getting all the perks of marriage… why would he propose?
Get out and meet new people. Attend social events even if you don’t feel like it. Try out new avenues for meeting singles—online dating, churches, adventure groups, clubs, etc. If you’re an introvert, find a ‘single buddy’ who is an extrovert and ask them to come with you. Don’t be ashamed of online dating—it’s the new norm for our generation.
Put on some lipstick. It’s no secret that guys are visual. Use this to your advantage! Wear heels. Curl your hair. Buy a new pair of skinny jeans. Hit the gym. Do whatever you need to do to feel beautiful (not seductive) and confident. There is beauty in each of us. Don’t obsess about looking like a model or squeezing into a size 4. Confidence, self-assurance and carrying yourself well will make you look radiant. “Be a creature unlike any other.” (The Rules)
“I’m beautiful and I deserve a lifetime with a man who is crazy about me.” Say it to the mirror while you squeeze into that new pair of skinny jeans and DELETE his text message.
I’d love to hear your thoughts! What do you think? Would you add or take away anything from the list? If you have something to share that would help us, please share.
If you liked this post, you may also like:
- Why Women Text Back
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- The Good Women Project | Dating Mistakes: I Can Change Him
- Real Women Don’t Text Back: How Women Fuel the Man-Boy Problem