God is a good Dad
“There are several concerning areas of inflammation on both the brain stem and the spinal cord.” The room started to spin. Dr. Lee continued, but his words fell on deaf ears. All I could hear was something was wrong with my husband. Seriously wrong. I tried to muffle my tears/snot/sobbing so he could finish….
“Do you have any questions?” he asked at the end.
Are you sure you looked at my husband’s MRI? Is there any way they could be switched? (I mean I’ve heard about switching newborns in the hospital–could it happen to brain scans?). Please tell me you called the wrong couple.
We hung up the phone & I felt weightless in that room stacked with books & boxes. Michael was in Atlanta taking his Greek test–and I was back in Nashville at work. Nothing could have prepared us for that phone call. He left Atlanta immediately with a promise to drive carefully.
As many of you know, we checked into the hospital Tuesday morning. Michael started steroid treatments to help decrease the swelling in his brain stem & spine. We saw doctors–lots of doctors. He had a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) & I nearly fainted. I tried to sleep in a chair at the hospital, but to no avail. Nurses came in to check his vitals. We learned what a myelin sheath was and how to spell “transverse myelitis”. We heard all the possibilities of what he might have, and we banned ourselves from google.
We cried. We asked God questions. We begged for healing.
We are waiting. Waiting for the results of the lumbar puncture. Waiting for a diagnosis. Waiting to see if the steroid injections will help.
Questions we’ve both been asking: Why God? Why are you allowing this suffering? Are you punishing us? Did we do something wrong? Will you heal Michael? What is your will for this illness? Is this a test? And a question we’ve both recently learned: “How can we glorify you in the midst of this?” It’s not coincidental that I recently wrote about asking how not why.
We don’t know why God is allowing Michael to experience this. We don’t have an answer whether or not God will heal Michael. We can make guesses at His plan for all of this, but ultimately we don’t have a clue.
I’ve written about my struggle before not to see God as a cruel taskmaster waiting to hand out punishment when I screw up. I formerly lived in fear, almost tiptoeing around trying not to “upset” God. From an early age, I believed that suffering must mean I’ve done something to disappoint God. One of the greatest truths that has only sunken in over the past year is simply this: God is a good Dad. This view of God as a loving Father has completely transformed my relationship with Him. (For more read God Isn’t Punishing You)
After we talked to the neurologist and I sat in that room with mascara all over my face Michael spoke without hesitation: “He is still a good Dad”.
We don’t have answers, but we serve a faithful God who has good plans for our future. What an incredible man I married.
Will you pray with us for healing? If you’d like to know how to continue to pray for Michael, please join our prayer list.
Do you believe God is a good Dad? Have you ever struggled with seeing God as cruel instead of loving when bad things happen?
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