You’re Dating Mrs. Wrong If. . .

Mrs. Wrong--Kids kissing

Gentlemen, it is a pleasure to write to you today. This is not coming from a man who has it right, has done it all right, or will do it right in the future. This is coming from experience, and that experience has taught me a few things about relationships, women, the type of woman you want to end up with. With that in mind I want to share with you some helpful hints you are dating Mrs. Wrong.

1. If you love her and she loves. . . her.  Two words: manipulative and self-centered. Have you ever been in that relationship where you feel great, you are certain of your feelings for her, you would do anything for her, you love her–and she loves herself too? You tell her you love her and she says “Thank You” for way too long. In other words, the only person benefiting form the relationship is her. She just loves how much you love her, but doesn’t care all that much about you. You are allowing her to manipulate you, she may not know it either, but try setting up some boundaries and see if she will meet you. If she doesn’t and flips her wig, you know that you need to set good boundaries in the future and that she isn’t the right one for you.

2. If she has a lot of “guy friends”. If the girl you are dating has a lot of “guy friends” talks about them incessantly, gets coffee with them more than once a year, you have a problem. You are the man in her life now and she needs to make sacrifices to make you the one that she connects with no matter how fun college was and how much she likes to talk about it. Also, if she says, “I just don’t really get a long with girls,” and only has guy friends. You want a girl who is well supported by other women.

3. If her epidermis is (always) showing. Men if she does not dress the part then chances are she cannot play it right now. Chances are she is looking for more attention than you can give her. Remember, you are looking for a future mother for your kids, not someone who looks like she is nursing a neighborhood. If the way she dresses when she goes out would make your grandmother look the other way, you got it, you are dating Mrs. Wrong.

4. If you are going 90% and she comes 10%. We are supposed to sacrifice for women, part of chivalry being chivalrous, but if you are always going to her, she is hesitant to meet your friends and your parents, she has turned you into a “missing person” in your friend circle, it is time to reassess where the relationship is going. I have seen too many men get lost in dating a girl. All of a sudden your good friend Johnny is missing ALL the time because he is with “that girl”.

5. If she is too young for you. Are you 26 and she is 19? That means that she was 11 when you were a senior in high school. That’s not even in middle school. She is too young and you need to date someone your age. Time to grow up and get some maturity in your life. Be challenged and date someone in your arena.

6. If you are a Christian and she isn’t. Do you find yourself compromising your beliefs, things that you have held dear and fast to for years. For instance, does she push you to go farther physically than you are comfortable with? Does she hold to the same faith as you? Christian men, do you feel yourself pulled farther from the Father? Being challenged in your faith by a faith-filled woman is good, and the Bible warns against dating someone who doesn’t share your faith. That is not a statement to keep you from having fun, that is a statement that will bode well for your life should you choose to abide by it.

7. If she does not respect you. Does she respect you? Do you feel built up when around her? This is a BIG one! As men we are designed to thrive from respect, and often we feel the most loved when we are respected. Does she make fun of you in public to ease tension? Run! Does she talk down to you when in private? Run! Does she talk about you behind your back, or do you suspect that she does? Run! You should pick a woman who, for lack of a better term, makes you look good. Not by her physical appearance, but by the way she speaks of you. If she does not respect you, she is Mrs. Wrong.

8. Is she hot…to you? This might rustle some feathers. Are you attracted to her? Do you have to fight to keep your eyes off her? Can you vision yourself with her long-term, physically? Are you picking up what I am laying down? Does the thought of kissing her do much for you? It should! Does she take good care of her body? This is important because while physical attraction is not what a relationship is based on, for men it is very important. Men if you have to convince yourself that you are attracted to her, you aren’t. Be gentle, very gentle in the way you tell her if this is the case. Also keep in mind once you are married, you are ALWAYS attracted to her.

When she is 23 and thin, you are into 23 and thin. When she is 33 pregnant and “husky”, you are into 33 pregnant and “husky”. Is she 83 and in a hospital bed? You are into her when she is 83 and in the hospital. She IS ALWAYS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!

This is also a good spot to tell you to get some help if you have a porn addiction. See a counselor and bring that mess into the light.

Gentlemen, in closing, if you are in a relationship with a woman who fits into these categories and you realize that she isn’t the one for you, man up. Don’t just stop calling, or break up over text. If you do I’ll come to where you live and make sure you never text-end a relationship again. Respect her as a person, woman, and daughter of God. Let her down easy, don’t be manipulated into staying with her, be kind, considerate, and chances are you wont remain “good friends”. That’s okay! You don’t need any more friends. Dating is not about making friends, but choosing the woman who will be your lifelong best friend!

Yours in Manliness,
Michael

Men and women anything else to add? Do you agree, disagree? Why or why not? 

P.S. I love my wife, and I love her blog! Don’t forget to spread the word and subscribe on the right!

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Comments
8 Responses to “You’re Dating Mrs. Wrong If. . .”
  1. Michael Dean (@MichaelDean10) says:

    Thanks for letting me post Love. It is such an honor to do so!

  2. Michele says:

    I was surprised the point of how she spends her money…or possibly your money, didn’t make this list. That would seem to be a much bigger problem than some of the other things which made this list.

    • Michael Dean (@MichaelDean10) says:

      That is a great Point Michele! I would also add that. Money and how it is spent is very important. That is something that will keep coming up later in marriage. Thanks for the comment!

  3. Karl says:

    >> Are you 26 and she is 19? That means that she was 11 when you were a senior in high school.

    And it means that when he’s 56 and still able to catch a hears-clock-ticking 32 year old…. , the wife will be 49 – ie, over the hill.

    >>> you need to date someone your age

    The correct statement is: “we make our living by catering to desperate, bitter women. We will try to take care of them by using shaming language to bully men into doing things that are against their own biological interests”.

  4. Michael says:

    I’d also like to add that how each person handles alcohol consumption can put a toll if one person knows when to call it quits, still maintains self control and morals and is concious of consequences, while the other does not know when to stop, and forgets that life has rules, and loses control. Many women, especially the prettier ones, are coming into the world with a “free ride to the party” where wild and crude behavior is promoted and rewarded with free drinks, free vip, free wonderful this and that and other exclusive factors. After doing this long enough, those women have become so attuned to a certain behavior when intoxicated that even though they may have settled down while sober, once the juice starts flowing you better get your wetsuit on because here comes the flood and the wild and inappropriate comes right back out. At least while she’s drunk. If she’s someone who doesn’t know how to control herself when she drinks and always uses it as an excuse, you found Mrs Wrong.

  5. lizanne says:

    Your list is good, but I don’t particularly care for #2… Let me explain why. Growing up I always had more guy friends than girl friends. I was active, into sports, the outdoors (hiking, biking, skiing, camping, fishing, canoeing, etc.), music & scifi/fantasy books (HUGE Tolkein fan here!), and most girls weren’t. I liked having real conversations & not superficial “girly-girl” type conversations (hair, makeup, shoes, clothes, guys – aargh!).

    My point – don’t rule out someone just because she has a lot of guy friends. In fact, I made a point of using that to screen potential suitors. If they couldn’t handle my having friends that were guys (which is probably due to insecurity or jealousy), then they couldn’t be in a relationship with me. Anyone worth their salt would get to know me & get to know my friends. ;) And the guy I married was not only okay with me having guy friends, but became friends with my guy friends (who are like big brothers to me). We’ve been happily married now for 20 years, have 2 kids, 3 cats & a dog. And, yes, we’re both Christian.

  6. Lady43 says:

    I am a woman, and I have issues with #1 and #2.

    I have only been in one relationship before (not a healthy one). It lasted from ages 14-40.

    I’ve come to a very good place now, one where my yes is yes and my no is no. I am also considering dating for real. My pace is simply going to be slower than others. I don’t get instant physical attraction to a man because I don’t know what’s under the hood.

    I can see that # 1 may apply to me in the future..

    I already know that if he says he loves me first, and I don’t love him back yet, I will not lie to him. That doesn’t mean that I’m in love with myself. It means I have to make sure that the guy that he’s showing me is the real he that he is and not some Phoney Baloney.

    #2 – I don’t actually have any guy friends that I meet with, but if I had a family friend that I was really close with, I would think the man should be OK with it and not jealous. A jealous guy is a sign of an abuser you know.

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