Grace Like Rain
Can I share for a second? Today is my birthday and birthdays for me always bring reflection over the past year.
I am so thankful for each of you. I cannot express how grateful I feel for all of your emails, comments, and just knowing you are reading my blog means the world. I started this blog one year ago and was too ashamed to utter the words, “I’m a blogger”. I wanted to be a real writer, not a pretend one. I started this blog knowing the only way to become a better writer is. . .to WRITE.
My blog has grown exponentially and I can promise you it has nothing to do with me. Over the past year, I’ve had 201,098 page views–which means there are thousands of people reading my blog that I’ve never. even. met. I have email subscribers in Kenya, China, Indonesia, India, Turkey, Europe, Mexico, and others. I want to weep with joy just thinking about how God is allowing me to be a part of His story. For He is writing redemption on the hearts of people ALL ACROSS THE GLOBE.
Back in the fall, I encountered a thin place where I received an email from a girl who was desperate for Jesus and found healing words in one of my posts. I was very torn up over her email–but for a different reason than I orginally thought. I fell to my knees in my bedroom and begged God, “Oh please don’t let me mess this up. Please don’t let me mess this up.” I was in awe that He was using my words to draw you closer to Grace. Allowing me to be a part of His story. I was felt the weight and the enormous responsibility of the gift He has given me.
But the truth is, I will mess up and need Grace. I have fallen hard this year, doubted God, numbed myself, hated people, held tightly to bitterness, hurt friends, and turned my back on God. I am a far cry from perfect. I struggle with body image. I compare. I have a hard time paying attention and slowing down. I struggle with feeling like God owes me. I am greedy and often not satisfied. I am stumbling along just like each of you–clinging to hope, as my good Dad draws me back and reminds me of His Grace.
As C.S. Lewis said, God is not safe, but He is always good. His limitless grace has captured my heart and I just want to shout the words to this song.
Hallelujah// Grace like rain//Falls down on me//Hallelujah //All my stains//Are washed away
Brennan Manning expresses my heart beautifully:
“My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.”
I want to thank each of you from the very bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Thank you for allowing me to speak His grace into your life. I have truly done nothing to earn or deserve such an extraordinary gift–and will do my best to continue to bring Him glory.