Was He the One? | After the Breakup
Today’s guest post is from Amanda Altice. I’m so grateful for her vulnerbility and courage to share her story with us! She is a single mom of two beautiful daughters–Jordan and Taylor–and made an extremely tough decision to leave an abusive relationship and then leave a great man who after five years refused to commit. She clings to God’s unconditional love, daily.
Thirteen years ago, at the ripe old age of 19, I packed up and left an abusive relationship with my precious 2 year old and 3 month old girls in tow. I moved from a small town to a big city; for the first time I was on my own; I was terrified and truly alone. As a high school dropout I found a job making minimum wage and after getting my GED I worked hard to put myself through business school. I struggled financially, emotionally, mentally. These were hard times.
In the first few years as a “single mom” I was so desperately lonely. I wanted SO badly to find the “man of my dreams” and to have the “perfect little family.” I slept with my abusive ex on occasion over the first year trying to fill the empty void, only to be left feeling emptier. Once I gained strength to refuse him, I began to let new people (and possibilities) into my life. After a few one-night stands that left me feeling emptier than ever before, I decided that I would no longer seek out “Mr. Perfect”. If there indeed was a “Mr. Perfect” for me out there, I was going to wait and let God bring him to me.
Five years ago, God answered my prayers and sent the most wonderful, loving man into my life. He was more respectful, God loving, and caring than I ever knew a man could be. He defied all my previous notions and ingrained beliefs about men. HE was the ONE.
Or was he . . .
We each entered into our relationship carrying heavy loads of baggage. Now, I’m not referring to added complications of dating with children involved (my then 7 & 9 year olds and his three boys).
I’m speaking of a baggage much weightier than that; the baggage of unhealed pain and sorrow. For him it was the breakup of a 20-year marriage; for me it was years of childhood neglect followed by an abusive relationship.
We had an instant chemistry, an easy friendship, and an incredibly strong love for one another. Despite this, we argued ALL the time. Living apart, I only saw him on weekends at most with an occasional weeknight visit. I felt as though I had a part-time boyfriend instead of a future husband. I began to question whether or not he was really right for me. He treated me well, better than anyone EVER had. He was sweet and tender. He was patient and kind. He loved me for me, including all my flaws. Best of all he loved the Lord deeply.
…but, was HE the right one for ME? Over the next few years the little voice kept asking that same question. After five years invested, my love and respect for him dwindled because he made no attempts to make me his wife, I finally decided to listen to that little voice.
I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to let him go, to be alone again. Having a man in my life gave me a sense of safety and protection. It provided me a kind of love I didn’t seem to be able to find anywhere else. It filled a void that had been empty and aching for so long. How was I going to do this on my own? I had done this on my own for FAR TOO LONG. I wrestled with the decision for six months before following through. I didn’t want to let him go, but I knew in my heart it was what God had been nudging me to do.
Since the “breakup” seven months ago, I’ve realized that God is the only one who can provide me the protection and unconditional love that I desire. It’s a daily struggle for me to trust in HIM fully for these desires, but I know that HE is the only way. I cling to the hope that God will send me someone new, someone just right for me. I pray I will not have to continue to do it alone. But until then, I have once again decided not to seek love, but instead to allow God to guide to the love my hearts longs for. In my brokenness, I will continue to seek God . . . for His wisdom, strength, and love. For this God we worship is always, always faithful.
Have any of you ever wondered after a breakup if he was ‘the One?’ Has it ever seemed like God brought someone into your life, only to leave you incredibly broken and disppointed? How did you cope with this confusion?
If you liked this post, you may also like:
- You May Not Have an Answer, but You Always Have a Song
- A Broken Engagement and a God Who Changes Hearts
- After the Breakup | Finding Myself
- Counseling Recommended