A Broken Engagement and a God Who Changes Hearts
Today’s post gave me chills. How good our God is who never gives up on us and relentlessly pursues our hearts! Felicia is our guest writer for today. She is currently pursuing a PhD in cancer research. Her story reminds me that we can never change mens hearts, only He can. God is always faithful and truly gives us the desires of our hearts. Listen to her story and please comment!
We were high school sweethearts and dated for seven years before we parted ways.
He was my best friend and we shared everything, except our faiths. Although I tried to introduce him to our faith many times, he didn’t respond well and I knew that I couldn’t force him into something as personal as a relationship with Christ. I also knew that I couldn’t share a life with someone who didn’t share what I hold most dear. We fought and struggled over it for many months before finally breaking up in what must have been one of the most painful conversations of my life.
I spent months getting over him.
I nursed my wounds in private, because I was unemployed at the time, I rarely got out. I lived in pajamas and read the Bible feverishly daily, desperately grasping for every word of solace, which I received. Though it didn’t numb the pain in my heart, it did make me feel loved and reminded that I wasn’t alone.
I began dating someone else on what I realised later, was a rebound. He was a Christian this time and we had a whirlwind romance where he promised me marriage almost immediately and I unhesitatingly accepted. I was on a perpetual cloud nine, we rarely fought which I thought was because we were so compatible –
until 6 months before the wedding, when he sat me down on my couch and told me that he was breaking off our engagement.
Again I felt like my world was crumbling down around me but as I began to pick the pieces I realized that I had only begun dating him because he was Christian, and ignored all the other red flags in our relationship. It was like I had blinders on, oblivious to everything else, simply because this time I was searching desperately for someone who had a baptism certificate.
It was a grave reminder that even Christian men are human and the rules of a healthy relationship do not go out of the window simply because of where (and Who) he worships.
So I was back to being single and I was more broken and alone than I had been in a long time. I felt stupid, confused and humiliated. Thankfully God was still a stark presence in the disaster I believed my life had become. Having Him and my family in my life kept me afloat at a time when it would have been so easy just to let go and let life overwhelm me. It took time, but I began going out again. I joined a prayer circle and surrounded myself with strong faith-driven people, individuals who formed a strong network of support under and around me until I had the strength to find my feet again. Strangely, I remember feeling like I had been on a long exhausting journey through a desert and was now finally at a checkpoint, waiting for God’s next move.
Over time, my first ex and I started talking and it was like finding my best friend again. It was amazing but I was wary, I didn’t want to end up where I started only for it to end so horribly all over again. I felt all of those old feelings rushing back and found myself crying to him over the phone telling him that we couldn’t go down this road again, neither of us could handle a repeat of the last time. Nothing had changed, and we would just be hurting each other again.
Until he told me that lately he had been experiencing a longing to find out more about Christ, he spoke to me about a prompting in his heart that he couldn’t explain – only that he needed to find out more about Him.
I listened with raised eyebrows, a pounding heart and my shivering hand held the telephone when I heard him saying those words. Oh, how many times have I taken him to church and prayer meets hoping against hope to hear those words!
Ten years later, and here he was, saying the words I had completely given up on hearing. It was like the Lord was giving me a nudge saying, the good sower always waters the seeds that have been planted in faith. It may take weeks, months, or even years but what is good, bears fruit in good time.
I prayed about it for many days before I decided to commit to journeying with him to help him discover his own relationship with the Lord of life. Finally I realised that this was not, in fact it never was, our journey of faith to take, but his. I was simply going to accompany him and let him fall in love with the Lord all on his own. No pushing, no nagging. It’s clear Christ had achieved amazing results without me, how silly was I to think that I had anything to do with it now?
A year later, he was baptised and we are now engaged to be married. As I sit before my computer screen and write this, I am deeply aware of how blessed I am but also that this was ten years in the making.
If my fiance and I hadn’t broken up that first time, he may never have experienced Christ’s whispered prompting in the stillness of his heart, with me constantly pushing Christ on him. Even worse, I almost married the wrong man but the Lord prevented it ; at the cost of great heartache, yes, but one well worth it. In hindsight, I am so grateful for all that pain; for the fact that the Lord held on me at times when I wanted to give up myself. Good comes to those who wait; the best comes to those who wait on the Lord.
I know that the hard part is far from over, but I also know that whatever storms are due to come, we will be okay.
We are finally in the same boat, captained by the Creator and Commander of all seas.
Please leave your comments for Felicia below!
If you liked this post, you may also like:
- Was He the One? | After the Breakup
- Dating Mistakes: I Can Change Him
- Patchwork Brokenness
- Boys to Men | A Guest Post