How to Keep a Guy in 10 Ways
You will not believe how many of these ways I didn’t learn until after marriage. Like, for example, saying exactly what I meant and asking for what I wanted–instead of hoping Michael would magically read my mind. He’s not going to imagine that I want him to help me clean the house, unless I ask him. He isn’t going to infer that me saying, “I had a rough day” means I want to cancel our plans for the evening. If I want him to cancel our plans, all I need to do is ask instead of beating around the bush and trying to get him to guess. That may seem simple, but it has proven difficult for me to learn–because before I spent most of my time with women. And we are so good about reading each other’s minds and knowing when to bring chocolate.
How to Keep a Guy in 10 Ways:
1.) Be his girlfriend, not his mother. He already has one mama, he doesn’t need another. Listen to yourself when you talk to him and make sure you sound more like someone he’s kissing versus someone who taught him how to tie his shoe. Don’t endlessly nag him about his future or the way he spends his money.
2.) Let him be a “knight”. Chivalry isn’t dead, I promise. Let him fight for you and help you. Michael said a huge turning point in our relationship was when I called him from China distressed and he was able to help calm me down and fix my problem. He felt needed. He felt strong. For more, read Wild at Heart . Best book on understanding this concept.
3.) Affirm him that he has what it takes. Everyday. Tell him through your actions, through your belief in him, and through verbal affirmation. When Michael was going through a rough period with his job, I learned to continue to affirm him in being able to provide for our family and saying, “I believe in you. You have what it takes.” It truly goes a long way.
4.) Show genuine interest in developing your character (more than your body). Men want to marry women of character–who will be great wives, mothers, and partners for life. Spend time reading. Read your Bible and read books that help you grow. You aren’t going to develop deeper character just by hoping it happens, anymore than you will have rock solid abs from thinking about it. Make a plan!
5.) Laugh at his jokes. Seriously. Sometimes he will act like a middle schooler, but laugh at his jokes and weird dance moves. Don’t roll your eyes–let him entertain you and don’t be that ‘irritated older sister’ type. His buddies think he’s funny and he’ll find a girl who thinks the same . . . so laugh!
6.) Ask him to lead and then let him. Let him call you. Let him decide how much he wants to pursue you. Don’t manipulate him (if you are breathing and female you are good at this) into spending time with you. Know your worth separately from him and put the relationship in his hands. If he doesn’t call, it’s always his loss. Hint: if you start off a dating relationship manipulating him to get what you want, this will continue into your marriage.
7.) Say what you mean. No really. He can’t read your mind. Girlfriends can often read your mind and know exactly what you want (oh, you brought me chocolate and Starbucks…how thoughtful!) whereas guys don’t know unless you tell them. TELL THEM what you are thinking/what you want and don’t get mad if he doesn’t read your ‘signals’.
8.) Show interest in his hobbies and passions. If he plays football, go to a game. If he has always wanted a truck, let him get a truck. Don’t pretend to be a huge Nascar fan (this is lying) to get his attention, but show interest in his hobbies.
9.) Praise him in front of his friends (or yours). Tell his friends how he helped you fix your car or how he got a promotion at work. Tell his parents what a great son they raised. Praise him and never, ever criticize him in public. Women need love, men need respect (Love & Respect=best marriage book) and the best thing you can do is speak highly of him in front of others.
10.) Show him grace. Every guy is going to mess up. Michael’s first message to me on Facebook after several calls ended with “keep me updated”. He didn’t do everything perfectly in dating. It is vitally important to show grace to men who are sinners just like us. They will mess up & hurt you. Your guy will say something he doesn’t mean. Show him grace, because he’s going to need it . . . just like we do. Tell him when he hurts you (again, don’t expect him to read your mind–”he should know I don’t like Chinese food!”) and allow him the chance to make it up to you.
Thoughts? Let’s discuss! What would you add to the list? What surprised you on this list?
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- The Most Important Way A Wife Can Love Her Husband
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- Recommended Reading On Life, Marriage, and Christian Living
- How to Lose a Guy in 10 Ways