When You Marry the Wrong Guy
On Saturday at the Vandy/UT game, I got in a fight, well not a fist fight, more like a verbal confrontation. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to punch the guy, but I did get to give him a piece of my mind. I’m still heated just thinking about it.
My amazing father-in-law came in town and surprised me with tickets to the game. And even after I served dry (!!) roast and charred bacon on the tree escapade (enter: very loud smoke alarm), he still wanted to take me. Amazing! On Saturday night, we dressed in black and gold and headed over to watch the Commodores beat the Vols.
We found our seats and trouble started.
A guy sitting behind us was a profanity-screaming lunatic. He must have called Vanderbilt “mother-F&*& something” ten times in five minutes. So picture Mike (my sweet Father-In-Law) and I, calmly sitting amidst a sea of orange, cringing at the language coming out of this guys mouth. He was right behind us and was spitting with every “f”, clearly intoxicated. Our plan was to just ignore him and hoped the lack of attention would stop him.
He was also intermiddedly screaming “my wife is hot”, so I knew the twenty-something with short blonde hair behind me was with him. As he would try to antagonize Vanderbilt fans that were calmly finding their seats, his wife would apologize and attempt to assuage his hostility.
The National anthem started and he kept screaming things like, “You may be doctors and lawyers but we’re going to beat you by 30 mother-f*#*#*’s” and “You’re all a bunch of democrat b#*$*”, and other unintelligable nonsense. My FIL stepped over and put his hand on his shoulder and said sternly, “Please be respectful.” Everyone around us was disgusted, because seriously who screams during the National anthem?! It wasn’t about the teams at that moment, it was about standing together as Americans.
“Watch it old man! I will drop you. Touch me one more time, *#&$&#*#.” He lurched forward several times, trying to pick a fight with Mike. The tension in the crowd around us was steadily increasing, and I kept it together until the next scene.
His wife pleaded with him to calm down and not get in a fight.
“You need to sitdowwwwn and shut the f*#* up, you mother-$%%#.” And then again, louder and more vicious. I lost my mind completely at that moment. I jumped across Mr. Dean and got right in the guys face and pointed my finger and yelled.
I’m not really sure what all I said, but it was something along the lines of “YOU NEED TO RESPECT YOUR WIFE. HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO HER LIKE THAT?!” My father-in-law stopped me after he enjoyed seeing me wave my finger and let him have it for a few seconds. Another fan went and got the police who promptly corralled the guy.
I could have ignored the profanity, the screaming at the Vanderbilt players and fans–but not this. I could not stand by and listen to him speak to his wife like she was a trashed stadium cup. The thought of how he treats her at home near sent me into a sobbing mess right in the middle of the bleachers.
Why would she marry him?
Why does any man or women get into a bad relationship? I wondered when the first signs of his anger problems surfaced and what went through her head? I considered how many sleepless nights she must have faced BEFORE walking down the aisle–wondering if marriage would change him. Tossing and turning about his outbursts, verbal abuse, and anger–wondering if his promise to change would come to fruition.
Maybe she believed he would change. Maybe she didn’t know she deserved better because another man in her life told her she was worthless, too.
Maybe he showered her with compliments and she felt alive when she was with him. Maybe he only treated her this way occasionally. . . something she believed would stop.
I’ll never know.
But what I do know is she saw red flags before they were married.
He didn’t suddenly morph into a screaming, abusive lunatic. She made excuses. Maybe just a few, maybe a hundred, but she excused away his behavior.
After I was called a “b*$*” probably a dozen times by her husband, I was awakened yet again to exactly why Michael and I are writing our book, Real Men Don’t Text. Who you choose to marry is one of the most life-altering decisions you will make–and I beg you to consider the red flags.
Marriage doesn’t change, fix, or heal people–whatever red flag you see in your significant other will only be MAGNIFIED in marriage. May you have the courage in dating to walk away–for both you and future generations. Please consider what is at stake. Don’t settle for crumbs when you were made for more. So. much. more.
Will you share this post with a friend who might need to consider the person he/she is dating? Will you join with me and pray for this girl and her husband from Saturday night?
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- Marriage: a dance of fragile hearts
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