10 Reasons He’s Not Calling You
What could possibly have gone wrong? I wondered, pondered, prayed, and even once yelled hoping my empty apartment would provide an answer.
The date was perfect from my opinion, he even said he ‘couldn’t wait to see me again”. The first few days after the date, I entered an intense period of self-examination. The kind of intense that required a lot of ice cream. I assumed he was intimidated by me, or maybe it was a bad time, or maybe he wanted to take things slowly. After several days finally came crashing down on the conclusion he thought I was fat or perhaps the zit on my chin grossed him out. Which led to days of wallowing in self-hatred.
I think we’ve all been there. Whether we try to decipher why our crush hasn’t yet figured out he needs to take us on a date or why a guy we thought we had a great time with (GASP). . . doesn’t call back. Rejection can knock the wind out of us.
In writing Real Men Don’t Text, I’ve set out to read every great relationship book available. One of my favorites is Have Him at Hello . The author, Rachel Greenwald, spent years interviewing men why they didn’t call a woman back. She compared the men’s reasons with the women’s and found a startling statistic: women were wrong about the man’s reason for not calling again 90% of the time. In fact, 78% of women assumed a man didn’t call back for reasons beyond her control, yet only 15% of men agreed with this assertion. Through a ten-year interview project, she discovered the reason you aren’t getting asked out on dates or the reason he never called again might be more in your hands than you ever thought.
Rachel grouped the men’s responses into 10 types of women who don’t get called back. The part I love about this list is they are all aspects that can be easily altered through self-awareness. For me personally, I think I came across in several dates as “The Flasher” because I tend to be an oversharer. This list might prove helpful as you pinpoint what ‘type’ you tend to lean towards, so hopefully you can alter your words, behavior, and demeanor for your next date.
10 Reasons He’s Not Calling You
1.) He’d rather hire you than date you. You were argumentative, competitive, controlling, not feminine, or too independent. Steve Harvey in Act Like a Lady, talks about the importance of a man feeling needed in your life. Don’t: brag about your career, cut him off, wear a power-suit, make him feel like he’s on the stand. (The Boss Lady)
2.) You bored him to tears. The date wasn’t bad, it was just boring. You lack enthusiasm, opinion, a good joke, and pizazz. (The Blahs)
3.) You advertised (usually through a younger, slimmer version of yourself) and promised something you’re not. (The Bait & Switcher).
4.) You make him wonder if he can afford you. You asked leading questions to try to figure out his salary. (The Park Avenue Princess)
5.) You interviewed him. Your biological clock is ticking and you wanted to figure out how he is with his mother, how he feels about kids, and if he’d consider moving to support a family. (The Closer).
6.) You overshared. Again, he doesn’t need to know you are in AA or about your dysfunctional childhood (The Flasher). For more on this read, Are You Oversharing?
8.) You complained. A lot. You talked about how you hate your job, your roommate, and thinking about the future (Debbie Downer).
9.) You talked about your ex-husband or ex-boyfriends. (The Ex-Factor)
10.) You questioned him excessively, were a bad listener, or talked about yourself the majority of the time (The One-Way Street)
What would you add to the list? Anyone willing to share a story about a mistake you made?
If you liked this post, you may also like:
- What is Your “Calling”?
- Mr. Promised He Would Call & Mr. Inconsistent
- Achy-Breaky Hearts | On Moving On
- Red Flags, Giving Grace, and Sleeping Husbands