Texting Gone Wrong | Will You Share Your Story?

How We Met Story

Photo Credit: http://www.stylemepretty.com/gallery/picture/565066

Here’s your chance to be featured in Real Men Don’t Text.

Michael and I are nearly done with the first draft of our manuscript(!!), but we feel it is lacking one essential element:

YOU.

Will you share your ‘Texting Gone Wrong’ story with us for the chance to be included in the book? We’re looking for stories where guys led you on over text, broke up with you through text, told you they loved you through text, started a relationship through text, ‘sexted’ you, or any other story you’d like to share. We’re also looking for stories where you knew a guy was all wrong for you, but you continued to text and date him regardless. Have you misinterpreted a man’s intentions because the relationship was mostly over text? Do you settle for late night texts because you thought that was “normal”? (Also, social media is included in all of these). Share, share, share!

We’ll change your name and alter the details of the story to protect your privacy and make sure the man mentioned doesn’t realize it’s him. The beauty of creative nonfiction.

Submit your stories to dean.ruthie@gmail.com with the subject line Texting Gone Wrong Story Submission.

We’re excited to hear from you!

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Comments
13 Responses to “Texting Gone Wrong | Will You Share Your Story?”
  1. Holly B says:

    My long distance relationship started out as a casual conversation with a good friend who was always looked as a brother, but that quickly changed once we began to text. Being in our early 20’s and growing up in the era we do, texting has become a way of life. They say hindsight is 20/20 and looking back at the now failed relationship I can see why. Not only did the friendship start by phone but so did the dating relationship. With he living 3 hours away it was often times the only way we would communicate. Once he moved home the texting slowed down substantially however we traded for vice for another, sexting. He lead me to believe that during our struggles sexting would help alleviate some of the tension. Having been raised in a Christian home I knew this was a major no-no so I decline which lead to many new problems which in the long run lead to our breakup, over a text. Technology is a tool, if used properly. It’s when we begin to use it in a way that it wasn’t intended that we run into problems. Guys, if you must a phone for communication, call instead of text. Yes, it may be awkward in the beginning but that’s what will strengthen a relationship, the awkward times when you really get to know the person you’re talking to. And ladies, if a guy insist upon only text, reevaluate how serious the relationship. This could be your future husband. Do you really want to be with someone who is too insecure or lacks the basic communication skills. In my humble, experienced opinion, texting is good for two things: grocery list and driving directions.

  2. Holly B says:

    My long distance relationship started out as a casual conversation with a good friend who was always looked as a brother, but that quickly changed once we began to text. Being in our early 20′s and growing up in the era we do, texting has become a way of life. They say hindsight is 20/20 and looking back at the now failed relationship I can see why. Not only did the friendship start by phone but so did the dating relationship. With he living 3 hours away it was often times the only way we would communicate. Once he moved home the texting slowed down substantially however we traded one vice for another, sexting. He led me to believe that during our struggles sexting would help alleviate some of the tension. Having been raised in a Christian home I knew this was a major no-no so I declined which led to many new problems which in the long run led to our breakup, over a text. Technology is a wonderful tool, if used properly. It’s when we begin to use it in a way that it wasn’t intended that we run into problems. Guys, if you must a phone for communication, call instead of text. Yes, it may be awkward in the beginning but that’s what will strengthen a relationship, the awkward times when you really get to know the person you’re talking to. And ladies, if a guy insist upon only text, reevaluate how serious the relationship is. This could be your future husband. Do you really want to be with someone who is too insecure or lacks the basic communication skills? In my humble, experienced opinion, texting is good for two things: grocery list and driving directions.

  3. Maggie says:

    With my first real relationship, I was young and for lack of a better word stupid. I wasn’t a believer at that time but the pain was still there nonetheless. I was 14 and having a guy calling me every night to talk to me for an hour or so was nice, it was definitely a honeymoon time, as time went on he started to push me and made me do things I didn’t want to do.

    Fast forward a few years later and things were different, I was becoming an upperclassman at high school and he had just graduated, after receiving a laptop for a birthday gift he started spending more time on the internet. He met many people on RPG sites and anime sites, and that summer I found out not only was he talking to a girl via text, with my name under her number, he was encouraging an emotional affair with her. She sent him texts (that I found on accident looking for a song on his phone) saying I love you, I miss you, when will you be on again.

    Even though he had a real girlfriend that he had invested 2 years in at that point, that was when things started to go sour. He started getting more controlling, more offensive, and offended. He didn’t see the point of stopping communication with her. He encouraged it to the point of cybering (the IM/email form of sexting).

    Even though I kept holding on trying to hold onto the only thing I had left that seemed like a comfort, turned more into a burden and he ended up brought me down to hating to be around him, hating to talk to him. The calls slowly stopped and then there were periods of days I wouldn’t talk to him.

    I ended things just before our 4 year anniversary and looking back I wish I walked out that door when I found those texts and cut him out of my life completely. He was a horrible boyfriend at the end, and a horrible excuse for a man, unemployed too lazy to go to school, and trying to brag at every chance he got. The only thing that I can say I learned from him that was good, was that I definitely didn’t want a man like him to be my husband.

    However, about a month later, I used the internet and found Sunny, and we’ve been together since, 2 years strong and still going. Sometimes texting isn’t that bad, but I do miss hearing his voice when I’m at school.

  4. Brittney says:

    At the beginning of this semester I started getting more involved with a tall, charming, musician guy on Twitter. We went back and forth with replying to or ‘favoriting’ each other’s tweets, which was quite flattering even though I knew it was lame. This continued until we started to hang out out in groups every so often. Through that, we exchanged numbers. I am a strong advocate of not getting to know someone over texting, so I stuck to that mindset, always thinking that we would find the time to get to know each other elsewhere. The line became blurred over fall break, however. He initiated a lot of the texting, even prolonging a reply to the next morning so it would last for another whole day. I responded just being witty and playing off the other’s humor, I thought everything was fine. Smiley faces, winky faces, the whole flirtexting nine yards. Because of past experiences, I am usually careful to be flirty over texting. But this was different because he was leading, so I just went with it. It lasted for all of break, about 4 days straight, then it was time to return to school. after being back, I didn’t hear from him for about a week…talk about awkward. I made this whole thing up in my head that he was acting interested, I had friends read the conversation and agree that he was interested. Due to a series of unfortunate events, I ended up confronting him about this ‘jerk-move’ to get some answers. His response? He had no idea what he was doing. “One of my buddies had a talk with me around that time about being careful about how I come off. Cause he knows my intentions but I don’t really think about how I come off, especially to girls.” I do think that this is a valid point, however, I don’t think he was fully unaware of what he was doing. I feel like guys play this card too often and the girl ends up looking like a fool. I did learn a few things through this less- than- ideal situation, though. 1. Don’t make an excuse for any guy. I kept thinking I would get to know the deeper him later, so small, flirty talk was okay for now. 2. Don’t be satisfied with temporary interest. I should have realized from the beginning that it started over break, when we were both in cars and bored and it was easy to talk. Red flag. 3. Real men don’t text. I am now a firm believer in this. They don’t play games, they don’t use you for entertainment. Moral of my story, I went into it with caution and STILL ended up being led on. Our hearts are fragile and it is so much better to wait than even put yourself in a situation where you could be hurt!

  5. m@ says:

    I can’t claim to have nearly the same degree of frustration, but my ex-girlfriend used social media multiple times in an effort to maintain her distance.

    The first time involved her writing the lyrics to the chorus of MercyMe’s “Spoken For” song on her Facebook wall after we had an argument. I had called to apologize for what I had said; she decided not to respond for a day, but in between our conversations she made it very clear via Facebook that she was moving on.

    Several weeks after our breakup, and after having felt extremely disrespected and hurt, I wrote her a handwritten letter asking her to respect my need for space. Her response to my letter came through a text message, stating that my viewpoint was wrong and she didn’t want to discuss it.

    And finally, several months after that, after a tear-filled dinner where she declared that her feelings had already shifted to another man, she reached out via text once again. At that point, I called her and stated how confused I was that she continued to communicate with me. A week later, she again reached out via text, essentially stating that her belief in “the power of prayer” gave her the authority to reach out to me and ask that I pray for her friend.

    At the end of my rope, and having vowed never to offer up any sort of ultimatum via text….I did it. I responded with my own text, asking her to refrain from communicating with me again. I had used every other medium to get the message across, and not being able to bear seeing her face-to-face, I did so. And perhaps, in some way, I finally empathized with her own use of the medium: it kept me detached, lucid, and devoid of emotional expression — which is exactly how she wanted to approach me after breaking up with me. I finally understood that, which brought on a wave of additional sadness and reflection that I’m still working through eight months later.

    She and I haven’t spoken since that day.

    • m@ says:

      P.S. I know this isn’t a story of a man doing those things — I believe it’s important to remember that gender has no correlation with this texting bit. Men and women alike are being hurt and shamed, it’s wrong, and it needs to be addressed.

    • Ruthie Dean says:

      Hi Matt,

      Thank you for sharing your story!! Agreed that both men and women are at fault. I’m sorry for how she treated you…I love what you said about texting, “it kept me detached, lucid, and devoid of emotional expression.”

      • m@ says:

        Thanks, Ruthie — I think the idea of using texting really extends to all forms of social media, and in some cases, even a phone conversation. There’s so much contained in the realm of non-verbal communication that can seal the beginning, continuation, or ending of a relationship; it’s that latter potential scenario that scares us into running away or hiding from those with the potential to either love or hurt us.

        Great thoughts on this blog, Ruthie — and know that I’m always open and willing to offer perspectives from the opposite gender (to supplant some of the great comments your husband’s been making as well). Cheers!

  6. I know this is addressed to ladies, but is it fine if a guy submits a story from both sides? (realizing later that I led someone on, and [different time] being led on because of text/social media)

  7. Scotty says:

    My freshman year of college, I always hung out with my best friend, her boyfriend and the boyfriend’s guy friend (let’s call him John) for a nice co-ed group of the four of us. So when John texted me “Free movie tomorrow night on campus — you in?” I automatically assumed all four of us were going. So I quickly said yes.

    On the night of the movie, I ran into another girl friend of mine and invited her to come along with “our group”. So Jenny and I walk to the theater together only to see John waiting outside with two tickets in his hand, a large popcorn he had bought and two boxes of candy. Whoops. Date.

    My friend quickly split, and I jumped out of my seat SO much when he tried to put his arm around me that he asked me if the movie was too scary for me to handle.

    So. . . that of course ended with 2-3 weeks of him kinda asking me out on text and me kinda saying I couldn’t make it. You know, the exciting world of college dating

  8. Karen says:

    There was a man who started going to my church and I thought that he was acting like he liked me but I brushed it off as a new fellowship. He asked my sister for my number and started texting me his problems. Ofcourse I wrote Biblical answers not knowing what else to do. He’d express his thankfullness but throw in “you make me smile.” Not long after I kept responding with the Bible, he quit texting and found a young girlfriend.
    I knew that texting was not the way to begin a relationship. Another commenter said it perfectly: Don’t have basic communication skills?

  9. Lauren says:

    LOVE what you two are doing here. I can say without a doubt that text messaging is the deal breaker with every guy I meet. And I’m not above admitting that where it wasn’t a deal-breaker for me – I used it as the tool to break up with a man incapable of engaging in emotional intimacy or physical affection (non-sexual I mean, folks). I am not that high-maintenance – I don’t require diamonds or flowers or 5-star dinners by 3-star Michelin chefs, but if a guy is a texter – it’s a deal-breaker. To use Tina Fey’s expression – “he’s a grown ass man.” And I’m not bitter, jaded or even trying to be snarky towards men bc I don’t think this is a Y-chromosome defect – but males are supposed to take the lead on how to act… Sad because I just can bring myself to date a 65 year old who is certain not to text…

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