How do I Let a Man Know I’m Interested?

couple flirting

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I was given an assignment by my sweet wife: a blog post. I figure she does two a week, I could manage to pull one together for this week. After our book announcement we received many questions from you, but the ones that stick out the most was “How do I get a man to ask me out?” Or “How do I let a guy know I’m interested?” These are great questions, worth answering. But before I answer these questions, I think it is most important for me to remind you who you are. You are beautiful. You are lovely. You are sweet. You deserve the best when it comes to dating. Don’t settle for anything less. Okay? Now on letting a real man know you are interested.

It’s important to let the man make the first move, but that doesn’t mean you can’t strongly encourage him! Men can be scared of rejection, so most will wait until they are almost positive you are interested. Finding Mr. Right can have a lot to do with just putting yourself out there and being available. Don’t hang out with the same girlfriends weekend after weekend or never meet any new potentials because it feels scary. Let’s begin.

Eight Ways to Let Him Know You’re Interested:

  1. Be where he is. If he is going to be at a concert or show, or maybe a local gathering, be there with some friends. Don’t be a stalker, but just make sure that you get some time together. Allow him to see you interact with other people and notice you. Let him think he noticed you rather than you noticing him. Men like to be the pursuer.
  2. Talk to him. Not a novel suggestion, but seriously. Ask him about himself, what he did over the break. Chances are you will remember the conversation, so ask him about something personal next time you see him from your previous conversation.
  3. Touch his arm. If you have been interacting for a little while and he still doesn’t get the picture, a little physical touch may be in order. Not too much, once or twice per time you see him will give him the clue that you are interested. You want to wait because you don’t want to seem too forward.
  4. Flirt. . . a little. Notice I said a little J
  5. Smile and laugh at his jokes. What guy doesn’t like a pretty girl who thinks he’s funny? Also, joke with him.  Don’t take it over the line, but be lighthearted about life and laugh with him.
  6. Linger. At the end of the party, the end of a meeting, wherever you get to see him—lingering helps give him a clue that you’re interested.
  7. Ask for his opinion. Men like to fix things, so ask him for advice about your car, your boss, politics, your next career move. Make sure you don’t ask his opinion about something emotional (i.e. dating, relationships, your dramatic family)—keep it surface level.
  8. Timing is everything. Give yourself time to make sure you are the right person, the right man is looking for. Work on some of the rough spots in  your life that need attention. Give yourself time that you are poised and ready for God to bring him in your life at the right time. The hard part is not rushing it, but I know you can do it.

I know that there is a shortage of good eligible men out there right now, but hold fast. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it can be at times to wait. Guys have it easy, if we can get past ourselves and fear about asking you out, it isn’t that bad. But women have to play the waiting game. They say patience is a virtue, but I’m pretty sure it has to be the hardest dang virtue to attain!

Ladies, I’m impressed with you. I’m proud of you.  Keep doing what it takes. I’m a firm believer in not just the right one, but the right time. Your time is coming.

Does this help? I’m going to write a post next week about ways you can tell if he’s interested in you. Thanks for reading. 

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14 Responses to “How do I Let a Man Know I’m Interested?”
  1. karen says:

    Thankyou, your last 2 paragraphs made me smile and have hope.

  2. I like Sharideth’s approach: just being direct and saying, “You should probably ask me out sometime.” Then smiling and walking away.

    • Michael says:

      Interesting approach! I think in some situations that is necessary for sure.

    • Steven says:

      That is an interesting thought! It definitely would have to be done with good timing and presentation, however. I had a eligible, young woman make this statement to me a few years ago, but that was how she presented it…as a statement. As a guy, even though I was slightly interested in her, that comment was not attractive to me. If she had said it possibly in the right setting and with a flair of jovial, non-chalant air it may have gone over better. However, the way it was presented seemed more forceful and desperate than a flirtatious, direct hint. So definitely, I don’t discourage any girl from sometimes having to prompt a potential relationship, but be careful how you present it. Not every guy is the same. Some will welcome your invite (but, remember that may also be a hint to the future tone of the relationship as well), while other men will not appreciate the forwardness. Thoughts from another guy to possibly consider.

  3. Lily says:

    really liked reading this. Thank you Deans.

  4. Mayra says:


    Thanks friend, you make me stay afloat!
    I already read the next post!


  5. Jess says:

    It is really of great help Ruthie! Thanks for this…and can’t wait for the next post :-) This is my year I believe

  6. Mary says:

    Thanks for the insight… what I get frustrated with is that often times a guy’s response is contradictory. A few interactions he’s touching you on the arm, joking. Then the next couple times… walks by with little more than a “hey”. What’s up with that? For me, I treat a guy the same all the time… if I’m not interested, I set the boundary to cordial interaction only when necessary, so they don’t have to wonder. Definitely no touching! Maybe you can speak to “mis-reading the signals” too. Looking forward to your next post!!!

    • Steven says:


      I’ve been guilty of that so I will tell you what has happened in my mind. I have made physical contact/jokes with a girl that I was interested in because I was so happy to see her and feeling great (on cloud 9) being around her. After I left church (that’s where this incident I’m referring to took place), I began mulling the interaction over in my mind (I am a very analytical person). I began to wonder if maybe I had been “too forward” as the signals she gave back I couldn’t be sure were 100% of mutual interest. The next time I interacted with her at church (three days later), I took the extreme opposite approach of being cordial and saying hello, but not going any further in conversation or gestures. In my mind, it was a balancing act of trying to undo what I did the previous time to even it out to an overall impression of “I’m into you, but don’t want to be overbearing.” Retrospect, I probably only confused the girl and left her wondering the same as you are. That is what I did, not to say that is what every guy is doing. There is something to be said too of what a guy believes is showing affection and what he sees as just friendship. I may expect a girl to show certain signs if she’s interested, but she may not because her love language is different than mine (refer to Gary Chapman’s book on the 5 Love Languages…it’s a great read to understanding how people show affection).

      Take care and best wishes,

    • Michael says:

      Hey Mary, great question. There is definitely no formula and unfortunately signals can be mixed. Give me some time to think about mis-reading signals from a guy. Generally, I would say to stay away from that type of guy because you will almost always be frustrated. But, if he just doesn’t know how to express it, sort of like Steven said, then give it a little time. Guard yourself in an appropriate way so that he doesn’t lead you on too much though. Dating is tough!!

      • Mary says:

        Thanks for your replies guys. Helpful insight. And I’ll keep praying… when God wants to bring two people together, I have to trust He can figure out how to make it happen.

  7. Hmm. I have a new stance on this whole “let him pursue” thing. I was always so confused about it and then I read the below post and I couldn’t agree more.

    So many successful relationships come from the girl initiating “the conversation” when the time is right.

  8. Angela says:

    i want to give thanks to the great doctor Lawrence who help me in getting back my ex-boyfriend i saw a testimony post by miss Kate from Spain about how the great doctor Lawrence had helped her, i decide to email him and to my greatest surprise my ex-boyfriend came back to me after three days of contacting him.i simply want to say thanks for what he had done for me and am so happy may he live long. if you have any problem just email him and you will not regret contacting him…ANGELA

  9. champagne says:

    where is the post on “signs he’s interested”? I never saw it This is great btw

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