Stop Praying. Start Asking. | Christian Men Need to Man Up and Date
Michael is the writer of today’s post. I’m really proud of him for conveying such a tough message!
I was talking with a group of Christian men the other day and was given astonishing insight into the current dating scene. As I sat down with them to talk about life, I found something concerning: none of them were asking women out. Does anyone go on dates anymore? Some had text-based relationships, but most of them were fearful of “messing up” or “ending up with the wrong one”. This fear caused them to seldom date and keep female relationships plutonic and confusing. THIS IS NOT OK.
Ask any Christian woman over the age of 22 how she feels about Christian men’s dating game and she’ll most likely confirm what I’m witnessing.
Christian men don’t know how to ask a girl out. Maybe it’s because we all kissed dating goodbye?
Or maybe no one ever taught us how. I have no idea, but something needs to change. I’ve heard from Christian women that they either have said no to dating altogether (because the Christian guys don’t do any asking) or go on dates with men who aren’t Christians (because at least they are asking).
I get it. I, too, was more of a prayer than a dater, until I had a number of older men sit me down and tell me to stop being afraid and take a girl to coffee.
It’s not a marriage proposal. It’s just coffee.
In looking for “The One”, Christian men can easily get caught not asking women out AT ALL because she might not be “The One”. Really? Enough of this nonsense. Why aren’t you asking? What are you afraid of? Why are you hiding behind prayers, vague intentions, group hangouts, and TEXT MESSAGES?
I’ve found myself wondering how do I encourage my brothers to GET OUT THERE and date. Real Christian men are needed to step up in this area. (Novel idea, I know.) The issue that many men run into, I know I did, is over spiritualizing the dating process. “What if I’m not going to marry her?” “What if I hurt her?” “What if I don’t like her after we date for a few weeks?”
Praying about your dating life is of course advised, but there is such a thing as too much praying. Are you using prayer as a cop out? Is your prayer life a cover-up for your fear? Don’t know if she’ll say yes? That’s part of being a man!
Men, listen up! Stop over praying and overanalyzing and start asking!
Stop the group hangouts and text messages with no clear direction.
If you are clearly leading her on step up and ask her out, or stop leading her on. Group hangouts are great, but find time for one on one where your intentions are clear.
Dating 101: Start by finding a girl who you think is interesting and attractive. Ask her out in person or over the phone (no texting). After you go out, call her again and ask her out again. Shocking! Then if you decide that it just isn’t there, be straightforward. Tell her kindly you won’t be calling anymore because you aren’t interested in a romantic relationship. It will sting a little for her, but it’s better than leading her on for months and her having 372 discussions with her friends.
Be a man and don’t hide behind vague intentions and confusing relationships.
And ladies, if you are confused about a man’s intentions—just ask him to clarify. It’s your responsibility not to let him lead you on. You heard me: your responsibility.
Men, imagine what it would be like if we started stepping up and took dating seriously? If we didn’t over spiritualize it, but started taking girls out on dates and even sweeping them off their feet? You really don’t need to pray if she’s the one for you—you need to talk to her and ask her to go somewhere with you.
Stop praying, start asking.
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