Your Love Isn’t Changing Him | Excerpt from Real Men Don’t Text
In high school, I went to a party, and the guys standing outside made us spin around to make sure we “qualified” to come in. Was being “hot” enough to get into a party what it felt like to be loved? Was the guy who showered me with attention all night and asked me to sit on his lap loving me? Was it love when he told me I was the hottest girl he’d ever seen and asked me to go into the bedroom with him? Of course not—but how was I to know better? I didn’t know what a good relationship looked like or felt like or what to watch out for. I looked for love in all the wrong places. If you’re in a bad relationship characterized by excuses, it’s going to be a hard road to end it. But better now than later.
This kind of love is like walking into the ocean on a clear blue day. Your senses are intoxicated with the smell of the salt and the gentle breeze. The placid waters seem like they will only ever flow tenderly against your body. But when a tidal wave comes, it can be so violent and scary that most people just stand still. Most women spend years trying to become better swimmers in the torrent instead of doing everything they can to get back to shore. I challenge you to take the red flags seriously and not try to brave the winds when you see signs of a storm brewing. It’s time to get out.
I want to look at several excuses that might help you determine whether or not you are wasting your time with the wrong man . . .
“He’s changing.” I put this excuse first for a very important reason. Your love isn’t changing him. And you’re not helping him by making excuses. I cannot tell you how many men I tried to “change.”
I know he makes promises, but your making excuses for his anger or laziness or lack of direction actually only fuels his ability to stay right where he is. And marriage will not change him; in fact, marriage usually makes issues worse. If your relationship is based on the fact that your guy “will change” or “is changing,” I challenge you to step away and see if he’s serious about making the necessary alterations to his life.
Have you ever believed your love would change a man? What do you think are some of the excuses women make to stay with the wrong man?
— Excerpt from Chapter 9 of Real Men Don’t Text. Order your copy, email us your receipt at firstname.lastname@example.org, and enter to win an iPad mini below.
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