When God gives her a husband and you’re still single

Bride and bridesmaid

Photo Credit: Creative Commons, doistrakh

Her email landed in my inbox just after 2am.

“How could God give her a husband and not me?  I’ve gone home alone a million times when she went home with a guy. I’ve waited and saved myself for my husband and she hasn’t. She’s cleaned up her act recently but she’s only spent 6 months dating the “right way” and she gets the amazing Christian man?! I mean her husband is perfect. I’m so heartbroken. I’m not even mad at my friend. I’m mad at God. How could He? How could I do all the right things and him bless her instead of me? It’s like it doesn’t even matter what I do or who I date. . .”

Her sentiment is something we’ve all experienced.

You do the right thing and God blesses your friend who chose the wrong path. You wait for marriage, your friend doesn’t–and she and her husband have carefree, easy sex while you struggle. You followed all the rules during your pregnancy, she didn’t, and your baby has something wrong. You chose a career in full-time ministry and it feels like God blesses everyone else except you. She gets the husband and you’re still alone.

We follow Jesus and the path is wrecked with heartbreak.

Part of my story is one where I’ve examined my circumstances and said, “God? Hello?”

Or if I’m really being honest, “What the hell are you doing, God? Do you even care? How could you let this happen?”

It’s hard when we are doing the right things, and we see people doing the wrong things receiving the blessings that we desire. Maybe it’s a husband for you, or perhaps a certain job. Maybe it’s school acceptance or healing for a family member. Whatever the circumstance, it’s common to compare and wonder what God is doing for others and not doing for us. Is He even in control?

For me, I moved to China to be a missionary and expected God to protect me from what I considered worst-case-scenario. But He didn’t. He spared my friends, but allowed me to go through something extraordinarily difficult. It was hard to wrap my mind around the fact that following Christ or doing the right thing or dating the right way didn’t guarantee blessings. In theory, I rejected this prosperity Gospel, but my frustration with God displayed otherwise. I was, and still often am, entitled. I felt like God “owed” me.

I love to remind women that God is a good Dad because that truth took me more than a decade to realize. Let’s look at the email above from this lens. Why would God reward a ‘prodigal’ sister with a husband and allow you to stay single? Does He know what is best? Does He even have a plan? Does He care about you . . .about me?

We want to say “yes”. But is blind trust enough?

Recently, I talked with a woman who described this monumental day in her faith journey. She was convinced she was dirty and could never be redeemed because of her relationship decisions. After hearing about God’s grace and mercy, she ran outside crying and sat underneath draping trees on her college campus because she just didn’t believe that mercy was for someone like her. At the time of her deepest despair, a gust of wind came and she heard the word, “Tirzah”. She had no idea what the  meaning of the word, but heard it twice more.

Later she learned that Tirzah means “she is my delight”.

Take a minute to let that soak in–Dad says we are his delight, his beloved. When we measure our circumstances or compare our blessings to that of another, it’s easy to feel slighted, overlooked, and even abandoned. But when we open our eyes to the grand story happening all around us, we see the astounding beauty that leaves us speechless. God delights in me. He delights in you. He is a good Dad loves you and blesses you no matter what you did or didn’t do. Not an obligatory love, but a love that delights in who you are.

I don’t know why some women find husbands and others remain single. I don’t know why God healed her family, but not your own. I don’t know why your growing baby has a deformity. But I do know that we miss the panoramic, expansive view of grace if we are focused on everyone else’s story.

Can you relate? Have you ever felt slighted by God, like He’s blessing everyone else except you?

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68 Responses to “When God gives her a husband and you’re still single”
  1. Nadia Kruger says:

    Sometimes we get so caught up in our own situation that we don’t realize that God is busy doing something bigger. Comparison is the thief of joy. The joy of the Lord is my strenght. He is enough, and we can rest in that thought. He delights over us. I love that! Thank you for sharing Ruthie!

    • Ruthie Dean says:

      So glad it spoke to you, Nadia. Great thoughts here!

    • Paul says:

      Maybe if God is enough, everyone should remain single with no spousal distractions. maybe if God is enough, we shouldn’t worry about working, eating etc…..but God made us with desires besides wanting Him. They are supposed to be complimentary desires., not contradictory ones. You can fill the cup with Agape love, but the desire for Philia and Eros doesn’t just disappear, God hard wired us that way….

  2. Kathryn says:

    If I ever want to get married I have to find one on my own . God has had plenty of time to bring someone into my life
    Whst I also need to continue to do is stop listening to fools who stamp Gods name on their opinions !!
    It’s beyond me why people can’t put their own name on the bad advice they give

    Telling others what God is perhaps doing when in fact is not needs to stop

    Gods thoughts and ways are not our ways

    When anyone tells me that God is doing this or that I immediately dismiss it
    1. They aren’t God
    2. God isn’t speaking thru them
    3. They will not be manipulating me with their opinions

    I’m 38 I want to get married and share my life with someone

    Jesus is my savior but will and can never be my spouse

    • Ruthie Dean says:

      Hi Kathryn,

      I know it’s easy to think that. I don’t think “God provides a spouse” and we can sit back and not do our part in putting ourself out there, meeting new people, etc. I am only speaking from my experience, so I’m sorry if it came across as hurtful.

    • Chessie says:

      You claim Jesus is your savior but your entire post sounds like you do not know the meaning of that and how God DOES speak/act through us sometimes.

      • Kathryn says:

        Your opinion matters to you , get that

      • Paul says:

        I beg to differ. Go read the psalms and focus on David’s life. What a man of disappointments and frustrations he was, what a sinner! Yet God blessed him in the end. A man after God’s own heart? If Kathryn and any other singles feel frustrated, then God is big enough to deal with it. We can all only handle so much. Plus it was God Who hard wired the desire for a mate within us.

    • TJ says:

      I completely understand that, Kathryn! I feel much the same way and whether it’s right or wrong, I really don’t think that God is personally invested in my life and desires to the extent that every little thing is predetermined by Him. If it means that I lack faith, I’ll own that. For now, it is what it is.

      I’m 36. Obviously waiting, hoping, praying, and just focusing on being the ultimate stand-up gal isn’t working so I think that being a little more proactive is not a bad thing. I’m not letting go of my principles or who I am, but I am actively looking and I don’t care who knows it. If you’re doing the same, don’t let anyone convince you that you’re just not a good enough Christian. Having struggles and doubts doesn’t make you any less worthy of God’s love and your journey is not required to look like anyone else’s.

      Often people tell us that things are God’s will because it mirrors their opinion or it’s just a platitude they throw out there when they don’t know what to say. They go home to their husbands telling you that “God will provide” while you struggle alone year after year because they’re glad it isn’t them but they don’t want to feel guilty or they are indeed trying to manipulate you into having feelings that make them more comfortable.

      You’re not obligated to buy into everything someone tells you is God’s will.

  3. Jess says:

    Hey Ruthie! as always, great insights right here…

    Mmh to me, yeah honestly many a time I have asked God such questions. Not only for a husband but for example, your former school mate that you know was really below average and you were brighter than them but looking at them now, they are doing much better with good jobs and life while you are struggling to make ends meet. The encouragement I get is knowing that delay is not denial and God has no favorites… He loves us all the same way. But dear, before you get to that revelation, it’s not easy.

  4. Sarah says:

    Ruthie, this is the best article! I really struggle with this relationally and career wise. Sometimes I wonder where in the world God is and sometimes I just walk away. I know He’s good but sometimes I’ve given up hope on my dreams. My question is if He gives you a dream then why in the world won’t he let it come to pass? I guess I just feel like I’m in a waiting period in my life and my life is on pause. Thank goodness for my golden retriever who is the man in my life! :)

    • Ruthie Dean says:

      Sarah, I love your attitude. Thanks for admitting it’s hard, but it’s not all bad. It is so difficult to understand why God blesses some and not others.

    • Jill says:

      I can relate, Sarah. I feel like I’m just waiting for my life to start. Surely this is not what God has sent me here to do? But who am I to question Him? I know I must be obedient to His plan… but how do I know if this unsettled feeling is Him saying that it is time to move on? I pray and pray and then sometimes I just get mad and have a big ol pity party. Neither make me feel better. :(

    • vivian says:

      My sentiments too sarah.
      i have watched people younger than me living their dreams while i am still stuck in a phase,
      i do thank God for many achievements in my life , but still got no answer why me, when will my time be,
      they say “God’s timing is the best but for how long should i wait…i do trust and believe that he has a purpose in my life but the Waiting…………………………………

  5. Ellen says:

    The prodigal son was given a warm welcome because he needed one; people who have already been living in Our Father’s House have had a lifetime of warmth and encouragement, and aren’t necessarily carrying those same scars and hurts that someone who is new to it all are burdened with. The “newbies” need that extra sense of reassurance and love and tranquility at the start, but I”m sure that God will allow them to meet with their own trials in time, once they have become strong enough.

    • Ruthie Dean says:

      Amen! So true.

    • Amy says:

      Yes, but some of us have been going through stuff for 20+ years and feel like we’re in a holding pattern that will never pass. We too need to move pass this and have the blessings that others are getting. Especially those Christians who have life so easy. The ones that have never had to struggle with anything, who are living comfortably, etc. I’m 40 still single and still living paycheck to paycheck. No matter what I seem to do, or how much I pray about it, nothing changes. I finally feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, something that was further away before. But there’s still that distance between me and the light. How long will it take? Why is it still going on? Why doesn’t it pass, already?

  6. Nicole says:

    I tell you what…this is EXACTLY how I have felt and sometimes still do! But like you said about being focused on someone else’s story….something that has given me comfort is knowing that someone else’s story has nothing to do with my story. My best friend has been married for seven years and my other best friend got married just last year and I struggle with wondering what’s so wrong with me that I haven’t married yet. But I try to remember God has His own story for me and he doesn’t see things as comparisons…He sees me for me and others for themselves.

  7. Rachel says:

    Ruthie, this is an awesome post. Last night I got into my bed and thought about this. Ironically, my small group was before this and we talked about how God wants the best for us. But recently a friend of mine got married pretty soon and just announced her pregnancy. I’m really happy for all of those around me, but it’s hard because I often times wonder if waiting is even worth it. I do it out of obedience, but when I see people that are being blessed by not doing the right thing (or so it seems) it just makes me sad. I know I shouldn’t care, but I often feel like this. Thanks for this post though it’s so relevant for me right now.

    • Ruthie Dean says:

      Oh yes. Sounds like you are right in the middle of this struggle. Thanks for sharing. It’s so difficult, and I’m glad we can all talk about it and be open with each other.

  8. Sarah says:

    This was a timely blog post. God has been speaking to me about a name. How cool that in other messages this past week at Church, Bible Study, and now this blog, I had the same message. He is so amazing. Single….maybe in the physical realm, meaning no male partner in my midst, but I am never alone. Thanks for your book and the blog.

    Blessings to you!

  9. Cara says:

    For decades, since I was a teenager, I’ve begged, pleaded, raged, begged some more, tried everything I could think of that was within my control, begged and pleaded and raged again, howled in pain and the result was … zilch. Nada. Nothing. A big NO. You go home alone, you live alone, you die alone.

    I don’t even have a sinful past to look back on with fond memories. More fool me.

    It’s a struggle not to feel punished, to feel like a failure, to wonder what unfixable thing there is in me, what sin I committed, that God has turned his back on me. And I’m not alone in feeling this way, far from it.

    Wretched women get husband(s), get children, and I get nothing. And being single is not a vocation if you didn’t choose it. I don’t want it; I hate it.

    But apparently living a life of loneliness, despair, frustration and denial is what God wants for me. I don’t even know how I hang on to faith under these circumstances, when all I get is a blow upon a bruise.

    • Ruthie Dean says:

      Oh Cara. Your words are heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for all you have been through and are still going through.

    • Sarah says:

      Your post broke my heart. I feel you. Truly. I have been in your shoes. If I can be so bold as to suggest a bible study that really has rocked my world, it’s titled Breaking Free by Beth Moore. God really spoke to me through it. I’ll pray for you.

    • Susan says:

      Wow Cara, you are not alone. I had to re-read your post because I thought maybe it was something I wrote and forgot about! I’m 52, never married, no children, despite wanting these things and praying for decades. I no longer ask God. I’m very angry with Him and I am just trying now to accept my solitary life (more like existence). Of course, men my age act as though I am invisible, but they notice all the much younger women (and no, I’m not fat or ugly). I guess He wants me to be alone. It started with my mother’s suicide when I was five, and has only continued. The least God could have done was let me know not to expect a husband. Then I would have chosen a higher paying career so I wouldn’t be struggling now (I always wanted not a full time career, but a family). Whatever. I’m a career woman now, trying to get ahead at work instead of dating. It shatters your very core when you realize your life will never be anything like what you expected and prepared for.

      • deborah says:

        be grateful they ignore you, if they didn’t they would only be after one thing anyway Shallow superficial creatures.. After a life of being bothered by them i am now 58 and they are starting to look through me, it is great, i feel free, and i have a lovely horse that i enjoy so much more. God gave him to me. i said to God if I had a choice between a man and a good horse I choose the horse. Three weeks later i got the horse of my dreams, for next to nothing. Really dear, men are just a pain in the butt. What you dream for generally doesnot exist, Get on with the Lord, He is so much more satisfying, He has saved you from a lot of grief. I have been married and had children. We are in the last days, you have to get ready.

        • Susan says:

          Boy, Deborah, I don’t even know quite how to respond. I’m completely flabbergasted that you evidently wish you had never met your husband, or any other man. That means you wish you didn’t have your children either.

          I believe that marriage can be a good thing, and that children are a blessing from the Lord. The Bible does not teach that the purpose of our lives is our happiness or fulfillment. We may be happy, and we may be fulfilled, but that is not God’s point in creating us. One of the reasons I have desired marriage is because there is something very worthwhile about overcoming my natural selfishness and being challenged to love my life partner and children, no matter how difficult it can be at times.

          The choice is not between singleness and a horrible marriage. There are other options. I work with a half dozen women who have been happily married 30-40 yrs and are now enjoying their grandchildren. Your glib statements don’t even even begin to address these issues. They show lots of bitterness, though – no thanks! I’ve got enough of that I’m dealing with already! You know how God said not to let a root of bitterness grow up in you… yeah, that’s my issue too.

    • casper says:

      Cara – My heart cries out for you. Your words tore at my heart. I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been a Christian since 24 and now I’m turning 35. Never been married, no serious romantic relationships. I’ve always done the right thing. First in my family to go to grad school. First in my family to get saved. Despite all my efforts and obedience to God (tithing, serving on ministry, etc); I was laid off from work twice, had to work several part time jobs, collected food stamps, owe the IRS and have a large grad school debt. I spend most of my days thinking about dying. And wondering why I’m here.

      I ask myself what kind of testimony is my life to others? What did I do wrong? How can any man of character love me with all my issues? How can God watch me suffer in this way when I know that I don’t have the strength to carry on. I can’t even afford to see my therapist anymore.

      Suffice to say I haven’t had a break through or change in any of the aforementioned circumstances, however there is one thing that sustains me-the commitment I made when I accepted Christ. The memories of when I first heard the gospel and what it means keeps me. God is real even if our lives don’t reflect the real desires of our hearts. He is real and mighty. He sustains, empowers and rejuvenates. When you get your breakthrough all the years the locust stole will be forgotten. He is that good. I know that he won’t fail you. Be encouraged and courages.

      I’ll be praying for you. Psalm 46.10. That is the word that God has given me in the darkest hours of my life.

  10. Anna says:

    Wow. What an insightful and encouraging post. Really puts things into proper perspective. I’ve felt frustrated with God more than once when everyone else is getting blessed and I seem to be overlooked in some way or another. All I know is the best thing you can do for yourself (and for others) is stop comparing your life to theirs. God has His own plan for our life and often times it doesn’t alight with our own plans. We just need to rest in peace knowing that in the end He always does what’s best for us (even if at the moment that means not getting what we want). Thank you so much for such a timely message. Be blessed!

  11. Brenna says:

    What I want more than anything is to move back to where I grew to up to start campus ministry. That got delayed by two years, so I am doing campus ministry training back at my alma mater. I figured it would be great since I know how our team and ministry works. But I got here and felt more lonely than I’ve ever felt. I just kept telling God -I followed you back here. I left my home church where I was known, my family, my best friends, and my youth group girls. And now I feel so uncared for.- Still struggling through it. I felt one night that He asked me -Do you believe that I am sovereign: Do you believe that I am both good and in control at the same time? – The answer: Sometimes.

    • Ruthie Dean says:

      Love your honesty, Brenna. I have definitely answered that same question with “sometimes”. It’s so hard and heartbreaking…

  12. alice says:

    Oh dear sisters, my heart breaks for you. All of your stories are mine…plus more. At 63. and in a 40 year marriage, I just prayed to the Lord I was repenting for marrying my husband. What a tragedy it has been, except for one thing. It has continually forced me to need the Lord. I breathe His Word each day to continue to live for Him. He is my Rock and Redeemer and He is Good Always even if I don’t understand His ways..I trust His heart. Please pray for me to stay submissive and faithful to Him. He brought me out of the darkest of pits in 1991 and I will Never forget it! His love for such a beggar as me! I am his forever. This life is but a breath compared to eternity and I cannot wait to see my Saviours beautiful face
    God bless you all..let’s all pray for one another desr sisters…

  13. Maureen says:

    There’s something powerful about people who know that God loves them, and who live their lives knowing that God loves them…in full trust. I trust in Jesus, giving over my life to Him is the hardest thing I do everyday, but gosh, I trust Him when He says He’s got me. I trust in the finished work at the cross. I trust Him when He says He came to give me life, and life to the full. Everyday, without fail I will get bombarded with thoughts masquerading as half veiled truths that lists every insecurity I have about my looks, about the mistakes I made that ‘disqualify’ me. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been good and saved yourself up and done everything ‘right’ in preparation for a husband, or if you’ve tragically messed up every step of the way. When you’re still single at an age you thought you wouldn’t be-the enemy will twist whatever your background is to cripple you with despair and worry and doubt. If you’ve been good he’ll make you question why you’re still single and why God is ‘holding out on you when you deserve otherwise’. He’ll make you question why you even bother because ‘clearly it’s not doing you any good’. And if you’ve messed up the enemy will tell you that’s the very reason why you’re still single. The point is whatever you’ve done, he is relentless in attacking you from the moment you get out of bed.

    I’ve realised that the people who are happiest are the ones who’ve had that revelation that God loves them, and trust Him. And I’m applying that to my life, because no matter what the enemy tries to get me to believe, no matter how much he wants me to focus on the heartbreak, the disappointment and despair of being single…I choose truth. The truth that I am so, so loved that I can’t even fully fathom it…truth that God loved me so much He chose me despite knowing all the ways I’d let Him down. Truth that He is faithful to complete the work He began in me. Truth that if He could give Himself so freely for me, do I really think that something like marriage is beyond Him?There is nothing that I go through that will not work out for my good, no matter how painful it is-the devil lost that battle a long time ago. So however painful it gets being single, I trust God more.

  14. Joyce says:

    I used to feel that way everyday! Often, I thought that God was playing a big joke on me. But I have learned that He has a plan. God is not evil. He is good. He cares for me. And I have to keep going to see all that He has planned….husband and all! :)

  15. Elena says:

    Ahh, thank you for this!! So true and good. My eyes teared up when I read what Tirzah meant. Wow. God is such a good Dad.

  16. Jim says:

    God certainly does punish many of us when it comes to having a love life that we would want so bad, and yet he blesses so many other men and women to find love and happiness together. I just never will understand that at all.

  17. James says:

    Though I am not a woman and not particularly in this situation, it did speak to me. Over the past seven or so years, I have felt this way. “God, I do everything I can. I trust You. I tithe. I devote myself to You. Why are You allowing this? Why is he getting blessed? Why are You forcing me to watch my dream happen to someone else?” And through the years, I see how much God has actually protected me and developed me. I now have a more “go-getter” attitude and an attitude of gratefulness. I see that He has my best interests, and that I was not ready for the things I had been asking for. Now I am, and I am moving forward in faith. Even if I fail, I know that He’s there with me to hold my hand and pick me up.

    • Jill says:

      Amen, James! I have been reading the replies to this post for months and have been meaning to reply because all of these women are breaking my heart! While I understand we are indeed human and do not always think or feel the way that pleases the Lord most, it just hurts so much to read how upset and angry yall are at God for not giving you a spouse/family. I, too, am single and I also ask “why not me? when will it be my time?”, but sometimes we fail to remember that the Lord’s plan is perfect. And it is. It is. It is. It is!!! Whoever said that being married and having children was the perfect life? There’s no proof of that. It is only what society has led us to believe. We can live a life that is pleasing to the Lord and that will fulfill your heart without a husband and children. I am preaching to myself here… I know it is hard and I don’t always want to hear that- but please, do not forget it, ever! His promises are real and true. His love is pure and everlasting. He wants the best for us and what we have right now in this season is HIS BEST for us. Try to embrace it. I know it is hard… but we must try and pray fervently for the ability to embrace it, and similar to what James said- prepare your heart, be ready for the changing of the seasons. Be your best self for the Lord NOW. Don’t wait until you are married, til you are a parent, til “life begins”.

      My prayer for us all is that we will continue to put God first, not our earthly desires. We are here for Him, and we can serve Him alone just as well as we could with a spouse. We can further His Kingdom in so many ways, regardless if we have children to raise in a Christian environment. We can! God gave His only son for us- can’t we give Him our very best here on earth? Can’t we at least try? I am praying for all of you. I am praying for God’s best for us all. I know we already have it, but I’m praying we will learn to cherish it in every season of our lives.

      P.S. James, will you marry me? ;) Ha!


      • Susan says:

        James, Jill and others,

        I appreciate your responses and your prayers. Something I didn’t go into in my original post is that, for 25+ years now, I’ve had a chronic incurable illness which greatly affects my energy level. I have to go against my doctor’s advice to cut my work hours. Instead, I have to do the opposite and I’ve been interviewing for full time jobs. If I get one, I will have a lot less financial stress. But, I will have to cut back further on my already minimal social life. I will spend all of my time outside of work recovering from my work day. It’s extremely difficult for me to see how this plan for my life is better than having a partner in life. It must be nice to be like the married people I know who have the luxury of working either part time or full time. Several women who regularly compete with me for promotions have told me they’re not really sure if they want full time work. I want to scream at them, “Then please stop competing with me! I’m trying to pay my bills!”

        Can anyone tell me how going to work, getting exhausted, resting, then getting up the next day and doing it all over again when I’m still exhausted from the day before glorifies God? I’m too stinking tired to even witness to people! I could understand if He allowed me to have my health but remain single, because I would have the energy to go on mission trips, etc. and I could get a lot done for the Kingdom.

        Several years ago I met the one I thought was Mr. Right. We seemed to compliment each other and we talked about marriage. If I’m not constantly pushed, I can remain pretty much on an even keel so that I can be a good relationship partner. But no, that wasn’t meant to be either. Turns out I was just being teased by God again.

        I’m 53 now, and I’m too old for this. I don’t care about most ministry activities, because I can’t do them. I have nothing to do with men anymore because I’m tired of negotiating new relationships when nothing ever works out. It’s too stressful and heartbreaking. I’ve come to the conclusion that my life doesn’t have to have this big, special purpose. I’m meant to struggle day after day until I die. That’s just how it is. I’m sure it’s made Satan happy that God has not healed me nor allowed me to create a godly family.

        Anyone who can go through this and not be disillusioned and angry is a better Christian than I am.

  18. Angie says:

    I must say that I’m truly disheartened to hear the stories. It is disheartening to me because GOD has blessed me immensely. Have I had hard times?? Of course I have. Once upon a time, I wanted nothing more than a husband and family. And I have that. My husband and I had trouble conceiving. I had to take fertility drugs but they worked. I had twin boys. I had a daughter a few years later after two miscarriages. Not sure how that happened. It is a miracle to me. I’ve been married for 20 years and I prayed for a husband. After reading all of the stories, I feel like I’m not worthy of the blessings that God has given me. God has called me into the ministry and one of my big questions is why some and not others? Are you fasting as you pray? I once read that God has a hard time finding people to bless. I’m researching this because God has been so incredibly good to me and I know people want to know why. It is a question that I myself can not answer. My heart goes out to you and I truly know you feel. I found an article and will try to copy it below. I pray that it blesses someone. According to Lindsay (2013), character is one of, if not the most important things you must have if you are seeking to be blessed by God. Reason being, is because character goes beyond being a good person and having morals. Having character shows the type of heart you have and God is looking for people after his own heart… You have to understand the reasoning behind why God needs to trust you before he can bless you. See, if you don’t have the character of a champion you won’t be able to sustain the abundance of wealth that God desires to bless you with. Without the right character, the blessings will only bring out the worst in you. If you crave power, you will abuse it and lose it. Which means God cant trust you enough to put you in a position of power. If you are greedy, your greed will cause you not to give back to others who are less fortunate, in fact you may even screw people over to get more money. Which means God can’t trust you enough to bless you with finances because you will rob others of their blessings. You have to be willing to love beyond all faults and give up your right to hurt someone else for hurting you, cry behind closed doors & fight battles that nobody else even knows about. These are the types of character traits you must have to be blessed by God so he can use you to be a blessing to others. Do you have the character of a champion? Now, on the next most important trait you must have…That type of suffering takes a commitment far beyond measure. You see, there is always a cost to pay. There is no reward without pain, No progress without struggle. And no blessings without commitment. Do you have a decisive mind? Are you prepared to make a commitment to God? Can I ask you a question? Do you have a relationship with God?Have you ever the Lord’s voice? The secret of the LORD is with them that fear him; and he will shew them his covenant Psalms 25:14

    Yes,God has blessed me but I’ve also endured a lot of pain. Please do not take this post negatively. I wish I had the power to give unto every desire but it is not up to me. I do know that God is able. Give up all negativity.Fast and pray without ceasing. Ask God to fix anything that is in you that is preventing you from getting the blessings that you desire. I don’t care how long it’s been or how long you have prayed. Re-commit your life to Jesus Christ, stop your disbelief and see the Lord work in your life.

    God bless!!!


    Lindsay, M.(2013). Can God Trust You Enough To Bless You? Retrieved January 31, 2014 fromhttp://www.mauricelindsay.com/can-god-trust-you-enough-to-bless-you/

    • Susan Vand says:


      It seems you answered your own question quite well. You believe that God has blessed you because you have good character and you didn’t just pray – you fasted, too. You gave up negativity, had a decisive mind, and God could trust you enough to give you His blessings, etc. So, in other words, blessings are a reward for being a good Christian.

      I’ve got a few problems with that theology.
      1. God bestows wonderful blessings on both the just and the unjust. Many unjust people have spouses, and they are blessed with children. And, sometimes they even have lots of money! How do you explain that?
      2. Backslidden people can have good marriages and lucrative jobs. How do you explain that?
      3. The Christians who were starved, otherwise tortured, and killed in Nazi Germany must not have had the right character traits. I guess God couldn’t trust any of them with His blessings. The same goes for Christians who are victims of violent crimes and horrible diseases.

      Marriage and children aren’t rewards that God only gives to the best Christians.
      The fact that we have blessings is not a reflection of how good we are – it is a reflection of how good God is!

      • TJ says:

        Thank you so much, Susan. I couldn’t have explained nearly so well.

        I remember a recent sermon in which the minister talked about similar theological views that equate our blessings with God giving us a cookie for being the best Christians. Both Scripture and reality don’t support that view. One of the biggest temptations for Christians is to try to attribute goodness in the world to the goodness within ourselves rather than the goodness of God. God’s grace is the source of our blessings, not our efforts. We can’t squeeze God and His world into a neat box that’s easy for us to understand by reducing everything to a tit-for-tat contest.

        The consequence is that even though we may not mean to do so, we fail to encourage others, help them to grown their faith, or show empathy. We simply succeed in sounding self-congratulatory and like we’re beating others over the head for imaginary flaws. (“Something bad happened to you? Well, you must have done something wrong.” “I have what you want because I’m better at Christianity than you”.) We also become putty in the hands of people who convince us that blindly following their directives is the key to all these blessings we’re supposedly not a good enough Christian to get.

        How many people have had their faith killed entirely by the constant struggle to “earn” some blessing by being a superhuman Christian? When the blessing doesn’t materialize though they’ve gone above and beyond the millions of people (many unbelievers) who have that blessing, they assume that there is something unfixably flawed about themselves and give up in despair. Other folks mileage may vary, but I don’t see that as a healthy way to engage in Christian living. Leaning into the fact that there are things I don’t like or don’t understand the reasons for is sometimes uncomfortable, but it’s more realistic than just making up an explanation that does neither God nor ourselves any justice.

        • Susan says:


          Thanks for your post. As I’ve been thinking about this, I’ve realized that I still fall prey to this exact theology that I have just refuted! Because I try to figure everything out and I haven’t been able to, I feel that I have to have some kind of explanation for why I’m going through all of this. So, I tell myself things such as, “There’s something wrong with me. I don’t deserve marriage and children. Other people do, but I don’t.” And (when I consider my chronic illness too), “I don’t deserve to have a normal life. God wants me to struggle day after day with no reprieve.”

          I’ve also come to the conclusion that God is not concerned with my emotional needs. In thinking about that one, too, I’m trying to come up with anything in the Bible that says he will meet our emotional needs. Not sure that’s one of His promises.

          At my age, 53, I think I have a much different take on this than younger people who are in the same situation. Say a woman is 35 and still not married. I think it’s a lot easier for her to hold out hope for various reasons. One is that men can still possibly be interested in her. There are very few men who are interested in me at all, due to our sex-saturated, youth-oriented culture. Unfortunately, i’ve seen a lot of evidence that shows that Christian men are the same as non-Christian men in this regard. Just not interested in older women at all because my body doesn’t look like what it used to look like (even though I’m not what anyone would consider fat. I’m a size 12.)

          Another reason a 35-year-old can at least hold out some hope is because she’s still probably physically able to have children! The fact that I am no longer fertile makes it extremely obvious that God will never bless me with children. So I’m on the other end of this thing looking back and seeing what has already occurred. How could there be any hope in this regard? EVERY ONE of those Christians throughout my life who said there’s always hope, etc. WAS WRONG! And please don’t tell me that I can still adopt. That is completely unrealistic for me for a couple of reasons. One is my health problems. I have enough trouble just getting myself out of bed in the morning and going to work. Another is that I cannot afford a child. I don’t even work full-time.

      • Angie says:

        I knew that someone would take my comments negatively. I do believe that most of the time, we miss out on God’s blessings because of our actions, not his. God is a good GOD. He has no respect of persons. Maybe you feel differently. They tried to mince words with Jesus and he was the son of man. If God is good and perfect and has no respect of persons, how else can we explain how some get the blessings and not others?? I have compassion for anyone who is hurting. Otherwise, I wouldn’t even be on this site. All I can tell you is that it’s working for me. If you want it to work for you,maybe you should check yourself.

        Revelation 3:20
        King James Version (KJV)
        20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

        • Susan says:


          I was only explaining why I have problems believing the way you do on this matter. I did not mean to offend, but I do think I am allowed to respectfully question what you assert without my Christianity being questioned. I’m not the only Christian who has struggled with this – that is clear from many passages in Scripture.

          Thank you for contributing your thoughts on this difficult issue.

          God bless,

        • Tula says:

          No Angie… you are on this site to boast about your supposed “goodness” as being the reason why you are so “allegedly”" blessed. You actually suck.

          • Susan says:

            There is no need to be rude. Why don’t we, as Christians especially, strive to treat people online with as much courtesy as those we are looking at face to face? It’s not that hard, it only takes a bit of emotional maturity and self-control. Just imagine Jesus sitting next to you. Makes the challenge a lot easier for me when I have that mental imagery!

  19. Kathryn says:

    What I don’t get is why do all the wrong guys and older men dhow interest in me
    I am not flattered ! Where is the right guy ? The one who is not too old or young
    People say don’t be picky – I wonder if they are divorced and probably should have been picky
    To me this is marriage kind of have to be picky ! Tough luck what society says

  20. Kathryn says:

    God has not been good to me . Starting with my birth defect which robbed me
    From ever having children . I’m really angry at people who put me in a marriage with Jesus
    I’m lonely ! I have never been on a date and to be told ” God called you to be single , to serve Him instead ”
    That statement has killed me emotionally and spiritually .
    I don’t want to be single and alone

    Why on earth are there so many Christians forcing singleness on people already single
    What’s it to them exactly ?
    Of Course God didn’t call them
    What’s worse is the ” they were just trying to help. ” or. ” they are only human ” bunk

    People say Well isht Jesus enough ?
    No he’s not ! He died for me but he has neve kept me company , ask me how my day was , go to movie

    I resent Jesus with the he is my husband bunk !

    I’m not his wife – sad I even need to clarify this but I have to
    As people told he is my husband -that’s bunk as he’s not
    None of my friends or family is married to Jesus

    • Susan says:

      I’m sorry, Kathryn. I have no answers for you, only compassion. I’m not sure anyone on this earth has the answers to these hard questions.

  21. Jim says:

    And there are so many of us men out there that are still single, and we’re hoping to meet a good woman to settle down with as well.

  22. Moe says:

    Hey Ruthie! Great words! I am 25 years old and I’ve been struggling with my singleness! I pray every night that I found a wonderful Christian man that loves God more than me, recently it’s been so hard watching my friends get married so easily. I believe that everything working his timing but it’s so hard to wait. Have a blessed night!!

  23. mkw says:

    Amazing! I’m reading whiney texts from people in their 20s and 30s and how they’re “struggling” with their singleness. Well, Boo-*******-Hoo!! I’m 59 and have still been unable to connect. Sympathy? Sorry, I’m fresh out. I’ve stopped praying about it, wishing for it, hoping for it or thinking about it. What I did was make the decision to date and seek a permanent relationship OUTSIDE ‘the faith’ as well as within it. That’s right…..I date non-christians….most of whom have their act together a LOT more so than so-called christians. I won’t go into great detail as to how screwed up and neurotic the christian women I’ve encountered have been, but if I did youall wouldn’t believe it anyway. I waited on god and waited my life away. I know, I know….”but His ways are not our ways”; “God’s Plan”; “God’s timing”…yadda yadda, blah, blah. Heard it and believed it for years. It’s B.S.!! And the older I get, the more I’m inclined to think it has always been so. So yes, I date and socialize outside the faith and I have no qualms whatsoever about keeping a good supply of Viagra on hand. If He objects, that of course, is His perogative. I figure he’ll deal with it one of two ways: either send me a christian wife that has her head screwed on right, or kill me. But until then, I will not live my life alone any more. And please…..no feigned sympathy, threats of judgement, or scriptural platitudes. My life is what it is. I’m just dealing with it. If I don’t, who will?

  24. Grace says:

    Kathryn I was in the same position as you, I have an incurable disease that prevents me from having a social life and I am still single but there is a potential man in my life now. This is what I did: I fasted for 3 days, I asked for forgiveness for my unbelief. I told God that I know that he has the power to change my situation. I told him that I would register on dating sites but I will not talk to anyone and that he should send me potentials through those sites. Counterfeits came and I was disappointed but after a while 1 man spoke to me. When we met I felt that he was the one. Guess what, even getting to the relationship phase with him is a struggle because he feels that he is not ready. I rallied all my friends to fast and pray with me. My friends started getting a series of dreams confirming that this man is my husband from God. I got a little faith and started praying for God to reveal it to him as well. After a year he seems to be changing his mind. My attitude has also changed because I believe that if God said it then it will surely come to pass. So my advice to all of you is to st waiting and do some searching. While you search do a lot of prayer and fasting. Seek confirmations and prophecies from the Lord. And no Jesus is not your husband, he is the bride of the church but that is only an analogy. The bible says that is not good for man to be alone.

  25. deborah says:

    Why on earth do all these woman want husbands. I told God if I had a choice i would like a horse and two weeks later He gave me a wonderful black Spanish one. Definately more fun than a husband any day.

  26. joann says:

    I think he forget about me to im not sure but I see a lot of people around me doing great but me and these people don’t have jesus in there life where im praying reading the bible I don’t even watch tv no more

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