Ambiguous Texts Don’t Have to Define Your Love Life
Today’s post is from Michael Dean. For more on this topic, read Real Men Don’t Text.
A USA Today study recently revealed how texting has quite literally blown up the dating culture. About a third of singles think it’s “less intimidating” to ask someone out over text, 78% of singles expect to text back and forth as follow up after a good first date, and dating couples are likely to break off a relationship over text and check their phones during sex.
According to The Slate, “the old courtship model—where the man pursues until the woman fends him off or acquiesces—is dead, but a new romantic script has failed to emerge.” Texting has made dating incredibly confusing.
But while texting has made dating more ambiguous, it’s not without hope that you can find lasting love and weed through the sea of losers, players, man boys, mamas boys, et cetera to find your Mr. Right.
While many have thrown off traditional gender roles, i.e. women sitting patiently by the phone awaiting a man to call and take her out to dinner, I’ve discovered women are still generally the ones trying to decipher cryptic texts and figure out how to find monogamous love. Ladies, if you are after a good man with future potential, it’s really quite simple how to begin: Ask him to call you. Don’t let him hide behind texts.
Does he like me? Are “we” going somewhere? What does his text mean? Let’s look at five different types of texters in hopes of offering you a dating life not defined by ambiguous texts and dead-end relationships.
5 Different Types of Texters:
Mr. Lonely: He texts you because he’s lonely, and you are convenient. He’s sporadic in his messages and dates, but can come across as very considerate and genuinely interested. What he’s interested in is filling a space in his life, not getting to know you.
Mr. Copy + Paster: Okay, ladies, this might be news to you—but there are men who copy and paste the same message (“Hi! How are you? Plans tonight?”) and send it to multiple women. How do you know if you have one of these men on your hands? Start by not responding. If he doesn’t text you back until a few weeks later and then tries again—“Hey! Out tonight?”—delay a few hours and then text back, “Yes, but call me tomorrow because I’d love to find another time.” If he doesn’t call . . . he doesn’t like you. Don’t shoot the messenger.
Mr. Lazy: He puts forth minimal effort in dating and probably in life, too. He coasts through life and isn’t ready for a strong woman like you to challenge him. He may be sweet over text message and may even ask you on a few dates, but they are usually last-minute because he can’t get it together enough to pursue you. He leaves you hanging for days or weeks between dates. News flash: he likes being lazy more than he likes you. Move on.
Mr. Hookup: He will say whatever it takes to get you in bed. He’ll butter you up all week with sweet texts like “Wish you were here”; “Miss you”; “You’re the only one for me ;)” when he knows he’ll see you at a party on the weekend. Or worse, he’ll text you all week, make plans that he never follows through on, and then text you late at night and ask you to come over. Stop responding. He doesn’t like you—just your body.
Mr. “I Like You”: Now, there is a possibility that the man texting you actually likes you! But listen carefully. A man who likes you or is interested in getting to know you will call if you ask him to. That’s how you determine if the man texting you is really into you or if he’s just looking to fill a void in his life—or worse, in his bed. Texting back, “Hey! I’d love to get together, but I’m kind of old-fashioned and prefer a phone call” or perhaps “That sounds great! Why don’t you call me in ten minutes to talk?” is a great way to quickly figure out if he is genuinely interested.
Very simply, if his text messages say one thing (“I love you.” “We’re soul mates.” “Let’s get married.”) but his actions (he doesn’t see you for two weeks, he forgets your dates, he doesn’t call) indicate otherwise—he’s simply telling you what he thinks you want to hear, probably looking for a hookup, but he doesn’t like you. Stop asking your friends.
Ladies, decide upfront what you want the outcome of your dating life to be and set some boundaries accordingly. Ambiguous texts don’t have to steal the joy of relationships.
Have you read Real Men Don’t Text? Don’t forget to order your copy and maybe even stock up on copies for holiday giftsJ
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- Real Men Wait for Sex | Excerpt from Real Men Don’t Text
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- Stop Praying. Start Asking. | Christian Men Need to Man Up and Date
- “Miss You Baby” | Excerpt from Real Men Don’t Text