5 Reasons He Isn’t Calling

Girl in field

Image Credit: Creative Commons, gareth1953

The question “Why am I still single?” seems to plague my generation. Last week, Michael and I had an interview and the host shared that question from a woman in the audience.

It’s a hard question to ask and an even harder one to answer. Are you defensive, hard to be around, sloppy, or caddy? Do you unintentionally turn men off? Have you met more than one available, quality man in the last month? Is it just not your time yet?

I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I do know a thing or two about men and some reasons they may not be calling you. It’s easy to think there is something wrong with you, when it may have nothing to do with you.

Five reasons he might not be calling you:

  1. You have standards. Men respect standards, but when men want to act like boys and mess around, they flee women with standards. When men recognize they have to really step up their game to be with you, the wrong guys won’t call. But right man won’t walk away.
  2. You are a woman to build a life with. You are kind, classy, hardworking, and an all-around knockout of a woman. Any guy would be lucky to have you by his side, but sometimes nice girls finish last. He might not be calling you because he recognizes you are the real deal and he isn’t ready to settle down. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything you can do to change his mind. Trust me, I’ve tried.
  3. You have it going on. If you are successful in your career, well-spoken, poised, socially well-rounded, chances are he might be intimidated. If he doesn’t feel like he’s where he wants to be in life, he might not call you until he feels adequate. Keep doing your thing and the right man will come along. Don’t apologize for being amazing.
  4. You ask him to know your heart (before your body). Physical standards are important in relationships. There’s a lot of dialogue about the unfairness of the sexual double standard, but unfair or not, your physical purity now will lead to greater intimacy with your spouse down the road. If your crush isn’t calling you because he wants to “sow his wild oats” good for him; don’t let his inaction in pursuing you convince you there is something wrong with who you are. Purity now paves the way for intimacy later.
  5. A last-minute text isn’t good enough for you. You are an excellent communicator and are worth his words. You aren’t sitting around waiting for some guy to remember that you exist. Right? If he wants to date you, he needs to make a plan in advance and treat you with respect. Don’t demand respect, but kindly tell him your standards and see if he’s up to the challenge.

A friend recently shared how a guy put her in the ‘friend zone’, saying she was the kind of girl he’d like to settle down with . . . one day. She has been single for a few years and had high hopes that this guy was the One. He was calling her, not texting her and seems to have all the qualities she was looking for. The abrupt ending made zero sense and we talked through reasons why he didn’t want to take things further. Why didn’t it work out? Maybe because she is a woman unlike any other and is waiting for a man who recognizes her as such.

I suggest printing out the list above for a reminder to keep standing strong. There’s nothing wrong with you.

Do you have anything to add to the list that has brought you encouragement? 

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Comments
6 Responses to “5 Reasons He Isn’t Calling”
  1. Kimberly says:

    THANK YOU so much for coming up with this list. This post is a confirmation to what my family and friends have been telling me for a long time. Dealing with my breakup has been hard but posts like this help remind me, its not ALL my fault. No contact hurts when enforced but sometimes is the best thing for us. Just what I needed to read today thanks!

  2. Angie says:

    Thank you for this Ruthie. Its been quite some time since anyone has asked me out. I’ve even met men who acted interested and flirted but when it came down to it….didn’t ask me out. Like your friend you mentioned, I’ve also been “friend zoned”. Painful stuff. Its hard but I just chalk it up to the right one for me not seeing me yet.

  3. Dami says:

    A friend recently told me , your stakes are high. Going through the list, they seem to be the issue.

  4. Lily says:

    This was a great article Ruthi! My problem is I literally do not know any single men my age. The plus side of that is I’m not being rejected {Ha}. But in the area where I moved a few years ago people get married VERY early {19-20 years old on average} so by the time men are my age {mid 30′s} they’ve been married for years and have a ton of kids. I’ve tried online dating three separate times and had horrid experiences with that. I am going out, getting involved in my community, have been involved in church, have met random people {now friends} which has increased my social sphere but still, no single men! And I don’t mean there are guys that I’m just not interested in – I literally do not know any single men my age – and when I say “my age” I mean between five years younger than me to ten years older than me. It’s the strangest thing! I haven’t even gotten to the point where your list would come into play [even though I think it’s a great list!}. So my question, “why am I still single?” is more like, “where the heck are the men?! I’m sure I’d meet some if I did the bar scene but I’m not into that at all. So bottom line, I’m doing what I can do in terms of being available and getting out there but having to ultimately trust the Lord with all of this. Does anyone else have this problem?

  5. From a mans point of view I have to say that when I was younger (much younger) these topics would have scared me off as well but, now they are what I strive for in my marriage. I must say that “Looks” is what attracted me to my wife but it was what was inside that kept me around. Her standards of life has developed me into the man I am today and we now work together to build on each others strengths and weakness. And as far as “You ask him to know your heart (before your body)” if the only reason a guy will stay is you give him sex well, whats going to happen if there is ever a problem in this area or he just wants someone new? I believe a person should never develop a relationship because of what the other person can do for them. I believe a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church. Not only would He die for the church He also grew and nurtured the church. He protected and led the church and when the church went against His will He still loved them unconditionally.

    Tommy Eldridge
    http://www.LifeaftertheAltar,com

  6. David993 says:

    Hi,
    Interesting article, so what´s a guy looking for? Sex on the first, or second date? Not unusual in today´s society but unlikely to deliver a long term relationship.
    He doesn´t call you? Well that´s actually quite simple, he likes either the packaging or the sex or both! – but that is at the superficial level. Some guys are only interested in the initial conquest, you should have left these guys behind by the fourth date! So if you are happy with the occasional call ( when he can´t think of anything else to do or is just feeling horny) it is obviously a take it or leave it situation! Being realistic you should leave it!
    If you are a genuine virgin and wish to retain that status until truly married them you need to explain this early early on in any relationship. For the sake of clarity lets make this abundantly clear I mean any sexual stimulation beyond kissing and cuddling!
    If you don´t match the Virgin Mary and a guy is seriously interested in the real you, even though you have had previous intimate relationships (and no doubt he has scored more than just a couple of notches on the bed post), After 2 or 3 months you will have built such a level of expectation and intimacy that he will be back for more than just physical sex!
    Are you looking for me?
    David

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