God hasn’t forgotten you
Michael and I are driving home. Biting rain is hitting the windshield, but we press on. As wind through the mountains of North Carolina, I close my eyes and pray about what to say.
“What do people need to hear, Dad?”
The rain drummed on, but I had my answer.
“Remind them that I haven’t forgotten them.”
I wanted to write about thankfulness and living from a full heart. I longed to talk about the joy that comes from giving our lives away, without fear and without abandon. But the holidays can remind us of what we do not yet have. Another year has passed, and Dad hasn’t answered our heart cries. Are you with me?
I remember spending Thanksgiving in China with people I barely knew and how empty it felt to make small talk with these people I’d never see again. As I rode home in a cab alone that night, I spoke these words out loud:
“I really want to be thankful. But I’m not. I’m so sorry. So many parts of my life feel lacking, less than whole, incomplete.”
And ended the prayer with one of the most important words we can say, “Help.”
The year prior to that November was the darkest valley imaginable. The sun was starting to shine as I climbed out of the valley, but I still wondered about the next part of my story. Would it be good? Would I be alone? Would I ever feel whole?
Had God forgotten me?
Maybe you’re asking these questions right now as you throw clothes into suitcases, tidy up your living space, and prepare to journey home.
When we want a certain life, a certain person, a certain picture of happiness, the hardest part about the wanting is when God gives our “longed-fors” to others but not to us. Some start to think God is punishing them. Others feel slighted, and grow bitter. Some wear a mask, build a wall–anything to not think about the reality.
As I drive home this Thanksgiving, my heart is full and overflowing. But I still remember what it’s like to feel like God has forgotten me. I can tell you in the most eloquent prose that he certainly has an incredible story for you, but I think you need to hear it from Him. He’s a good Dad.
All you need to say is, “Help.”
Have you ever felt like God has forgotten you? Are the holidays hard for you?