thoughts on hope & Valentine’s Day

valentine's day

This is not at all how I would have written my story.

I sat in the corner of a crowded restaurant, staring out the window. My heart stung from disappointment.

I wanted something. I had a plan for my life. But it wasn’t working out. Months of hope that something would change was now coupled with loss and confusion. I asked the questions we all do:

  • What now? 
  • Why are you allowing this, God? 
  • Am I missing something? 
  • Am I being punished for something? 
  • How long must I wait? 

My questions turned from listening to reminding God that He was blessing all my friends, even the ones who didn’t remotely have their act together. I listed people by name who didn’t have to go through what I’d been through in my and they seemed to just get everything they wanted. I resembled a three-year-old stomping around, but that didn’t stop me.

I even reminded God of how much I’d done for him. Yes, this is where it got ugly.

And then I just stopped.

The tears started and my real thoughts came out from all that anger and entitlement.

Are you really good? Why are you allowing this if you love me? Don’t you want this for me? 

I want to believe you are a good Dad. But it’s really hard today.

Maybe you wanted this Valentine’s Day to be different. Maybe you wanted a ring, a boyfriend, a kiss, a wedding, a baby, a new relationship with loved ones. Maybe you are stuck in the messy in-between period like I was that day in the corner of the restaurant.

I don’t have all the answers. But I do know we all have a choice. We can allow ourselves to be defined by the heartache, the disappointment, the blinding unfairness. Or we can define ourselves by the One who loves us. I never got what I longed that day in the restaurant and maybe I never will. But I do know God is a good Dad. Not because he gives us what we want on our time table, but because He does see our broken hearts and promises to make all things new. One day.

Hang in there. Valentine’s is really just a holiday created by marketers.

Also, don’t forget to pick up a copy of Real Men Don’t Text for just $2.99 today on Amazon! Will you tell your friends?

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Comments
13 Responses to “thoughts on hope & Valentine’s Day”
  1. Brooke says:

    thank you – this came just in time.
    •What now?
    •Why are you allowing this, God?
    •Am I missing something?
    •Am I being punished for something?
    •How long must I wait?
    I have been asking these questions SO much to God lately and I feel like I am not heard or they are not answered….so at least I don’t feel alone in all of this!
    happy heart day. <3

  2. Ria says:

    Ruthie, you are amazing. I like the honesty with which you write all your posts. It’s refreshing and endearing at the same time. I am so glad there are women like you – so real and yet so grounded in the Lord. I know for a fact your style of writing and your thoughts, they speak to and resonate with many girls like me. Dear friend, you are a blessing and I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. Hugs

  3. Danelle says:

    Sigh….In this season of longing for a child, this post resonated with me. I don’t know what it is you’re longing for in this season, Ruthie but you’re right He is a good Dad and desires to give the very best to those who love him. But “His best” looks different from what we imagine sometimes. So…continuing to pray and trust Him and being thankful for all He has undeservedly given. Happy V-Day :)

  4. Mickey says:

    I admit that I’ve long since given up on the idea that there’s a special person out there, and yes, I hate Valentine’s Day as much as Scrooge hated Christmas. That said, this is my take on the Hallmark inspired commercial fraud that is Valentine’s Day:

    If you’re unattached, it’s like looking down a double barrel shotgun.

    First, the unattached has romaticism shoved in his face all day and is treated as a second class citizen if he is unattached. It’s enough to drive you to drink!!!

    Secondly, popular culture has pushed the idea ad infinitum that Valentine’s Day is really for the wife/girlfriend, and the husband/boyfriend is merely incidental. If that’s not bad enough, this dynamic also has the not-so-subtle suggestion that if the the husband/boyfried does not deliver the goods, there will be hell to pay (just look at any sitcom with a married couple). Evidently, there’s absolutely no pressure on the wife/girlfriend to do anything.

    I admit, with absolutely no shame, that I go out of my way to dress in black whenever that dread day comes around.

    Is it any wonder why many of us could not care less about the farce called Valentine’s Day?

    • rena says:

      I agree with u Mickey

    • Steven says:

      Mickey, I feel your pain. Valentine’s Day is given many names such as “National Singles Awareness Day.” Yesterday at work, a fellow single male shared a light-hearted humorous picture with me. The photograph was that of Hitler with his girlfriend. The inscription read, “Even Hitler had a girlfriend. You are less desirable than Hitler.” Because I have learned to accept that being single isn’t a curse or plague, I am able to laugh at such jokes. Although, beneath it all there is still pain. However, when holidays come around where my singleness feels more like a festering wound than just a dull ache and I am ceaseless reminded that I am “alone for another year,” I look at the spiritual implications of the day.

      To encourage myself and others, I sent out a group text today revolving around 1 Corinthians 13 compared to the “fanfare” of today. I did not try and undermine the thought that goes behind V-day gifts, but I did analogies the importance of practicing Biblical love ABOVE and beyond what you do for someone today. I may not be able to lavish chocolates, flowers, and my bank account savings on a special somebody today, but I CAN love people today, tomorrow, the day after, and a year from now everyday better than the majority of the world that will forget the digested chocolates and wilted roses of next week if I commit to practicing a Biblical love, that is one that is higher than the emotional euphoria of the moment.

      As for the “special someone,” I believe that is a myth as well. There are many “special” people out there that are right for you and I. It is a matter of praying about which one would bring the most glory to God and TEACH us about serving another as He did His Father. I used to view relationships as a “I like her because of this and that and she could fulfill this need as well for me.” All that says is “I am selfish and more selfish.” I now view eligible young ladies as not “you’re not compatible with me,” but instead as, “I feel there is a better type of person out there that would enable me to imitate Christ’s love and servitude better.” That “better type of person” are those that have the same attitude towards the relationship. I might find a room full of 20 of them someday all at once. When that happens, I believe I could marry any one of them and each be just as good as the next, but that is then where God’s direction comes into play.

      I hope some part of this has encouraged you today. They are kind of sporadic thoughts that I have had over the years that have enabled me to cope with all the hype, allegations, and ridiculous that makes me feel less than human throughout the year.

      • Brooke says:

        Steven – Bravo. It takes a REAL man to say what you just wrote. You are a head of the game in life and in love – and you have already won. Happy heart day to you and may God bring you the woman that is truly the right match for you. :)

      • Mickey says:

        Steven:

        You are a far better man than me. I’m off to find a prostitute now…LOL.

  5. Freddie says:

    I (as a lifelong Christian) find it harder and harder to make any sense out of this. It seems like the longer our prayers are ignored, the more frantically we are asserting that God is such a good dad. If God loves us so much, why do we have to constantly repeat it to everyone? It would be infinitely more convincing if it actually showed, for real, regularly. For me, knowing that I might have a chance to go to heaven when I die (maybe 40 or 50 years from now) isn’t very encouraging in my day-to-day life, to say the least.

  6. Brittney says:

    Ruthie,

    I always look forward to getting emails notifying me of your latest blog post. I think this is something everyone can relate too. I’m reading a book related to waiting for things and how God plays into all of it. The author said that it’s not about patience, but about about waiting with a purpose. I’m not a patient girl, so that thought was good to hear! Thanks again for another great blog post.

  7. Steven says:

    Brooke, thank you for the kind words. It is definitely uplifting to hear those words spoken by a woman. I pray you had a blessed day as well!

    Mickey, no one is better than the next. We are all made in the image and likeness of God and called to be His sons and daughters. May you find peace and solace during these trials of the mind and heart. You are not alone, so let’s pray for one another :-)

    • Brooke says:

      Stephen – Glad my words were uplifting for you. It was a blessed day – in so many ways – a few huge break through and it was quite amazing actually. thank you. :)

  8. alli says:

    You know valentines day is a catholic holiday celebrating marriage. I ‘think’ bc Christians werent allowed to marry. I think of my own where i was forbidden to marry bc of racism. Yes i am alone. But not really and im going to take my sorrow and turn it into something good

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