4 things you must stop saying about yourself this year
Words can really hurt. Not just words from friends, professors, bosses, or parents—but our words about ourselves can be the most damaging.
I was in line at Urban Outfitters over Christmas and glanced through Lena Dunham’s new book, Not that Kind of Girl. Lena opens a chapter with, “I’m 20 years old, and I hate myself.” I only needed that one line to know it’s not just me who struggles with negative self-talk. It’s almost vogue to put ourselves down, isn’t it?
I believe we will manage our money better, go to sleep earlier, lose weight, get in shape and accomplish all of our resolutions, if we start by changing what we say about ourselves. I know this to be true, because I have practiced it in my own life. Let’s look at four things you should stop saying about yourself this year.
1. I’m not the pretty girl.
I may be the funny one, the cool one, the friend—but I’m never the girl who gets the guy.
I started with this one, because I hear women say this all the time. By telling yourself you aren’t pretty, you are sending a message to every guy out there that you don’t think you’re worth it. These types of lies tend to become self-fulfilling prophecies. Confidence is attractive.
Instead try: I am beautiful by virtue of the One who created me. I don’t have to change my appearance to be chosen. I’m just waiting for the right guy.
2. I’m too much.
I’m too dramatic, too intense, too serious.
This is one of the biggest lies we as women believe about ourselves. A few months back, I had a friend tell me I was dramatic and, let me tell you, it cut to my core. I called myself all kinds of ugly things for several days. So I get it.
Instead try: I may not need to handle life in such a dramatic way, but I am not too much. My personality and passions are God-given, and I don’t need to force myself into a quiet, easygoing box. I love who I am!
3. I’m not enough.
Men and women struggle with the fear of being ordinary. For women, the fear that no man will ever see us as special enough to commit to can be terrifying. Listen to how Brené Brown validates this belief in her book Daring Greatly:
“I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.”
Instead try: I am unique. I am worth loving. I am worth committing to. I have what it takes.
4. I hate myself.
I’m a screwup.
If you hate yourself, you will attract friends and lovers who will also treat you with disdain. It’s too easy to hate ourselves with all the pressure we face—whether it’s because we aren’t smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, hard-working enough, cool enough, funny enough.
Instead try (in the words of Brené Brown): I am worthy of love and belonging.
Negative self-talk can be poisonous to our friendships, our goals, our careers, our finances, and our love lives. But, kind words can change–not just 2015–but your future. In the words of Brené Brown, “Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”
If you liked this post, you may also like:
- How do I Let a Man Know I’m Interested?
- Dear Mr. Valentine
- Give the Fat Girl a Break : On Telling Yourself the Truth