You know when it’s coming. It’s the man who lingered by your side all night at the bar. The coworker who finds any excuse to email you. The classmate who just won’t leave you alone. It’s never the men you want; often the mommas boys, the gangly awkward ones, or worse the you’re-lucky-I’m-asking-you-out type.

Mr. I’d Rather Be Single can be persistent can’t he?

My friend Ashley gave me permission to share her story & actually prompted this blog post.

A few weeks ago, Ashley ventures downtown in Nashville with a group of girlfriends.

Two things you should know about Ashley to understand the scenario:

#1: She’s gorgeous {tall, blonde. . .you get the picture}.

#2: She’s really nice & cares about people.

Enter Mr. I Like to Talk About How Much Money I Make. We’ll call him Sam.

Sam and Ashley’s friends start mingling and within minutes Sam has his heart set on getting Ashley’s number. He walks over and makes awkward conversation about money, popularity, and potential places he wants to take her. She immediately knows he’s interested and tries to engage in the conversation happening across the table from her. But to no avail. Sam is persistent.

Ashley goes to the restroom and tells a friend to get Sam away from her. He is coming on strong and Ashley doesn’t know how to get out of the situation without hurting his feelings. They return from the bathroom and Sam is standing there. . .waiting.

“Hey, give me your number so we can go have drinks sometime,” he says holding out his phone.

“Uh. . .well. . .” Ashley stumbles over her words.

“Thank you, but I’m really busy. . .and. . .” she mutters finally. But he persists.

Sam proceeds to ask Ashley a series of “why not? You don’t even know me!” questions and Ashley is incredibly uncomfortable. Finally, she agrees and gives him her number because she doesn’t know what else to do. The man would not leave a sister alone!

The next two days, Sam called & texted Ashley in a rather frenzied manner attempting to set up a date. She {a little freaked out} responded and firmly told him ‘no’.

These situations can be incredibly difficult to navigate, especially when the man on the other end happens to be a really nice guy. How can you say ‘no’ to a man without taking a blow to his ego? Is it better to go on one date and give Mr. I’d Rather Be Single a chance?

Let’s flip the scenario around. How would you like it if a man took you on a date because he didn’t want to hurt your feelings. What if the next date you went on, the man told his buddies:  ”She’s really not attractive  and I couldn’t possibly imagine a future with her-but I took her out so she’d feel good about herself.” It’s dishonest and inconsiderate, isn’t it?

I’m a people pleaser, so I’ve said ‘yes’ to my share of dates that I had ZERO interest going on. In the flurry of people-pleasing, it’s often hard to be authentic. But authenticity always shows strong character.

So how do you say ‘no’ to a man?

1.) Be kind. It probably took him a lot of courage to ask you out.

2.) Don’t make a big deal out of saying ‘no’. Say it nicely and transition smoothly to another topic.

3.) If he presses you for a reason (this is always awkward), tell him the truth. The REAL truth. “You’re a great guy, but I don’t see you in a romantic way,” is a great line.

A sympathy date really doesn’t do anyone any favors. If you’re breathing and female, you’ve overanalyzed why a relationship didn’t work out when everything seemed “perfect”. Am I right? Wouldn’t it just be easier if he was direct and told you why he stopped calling, never called, or broke it off with you? In the fashion of the Golden Rule, apply the same kindness you want to see from the men in your life.

Do you have a hard time saying ‘no’? Have you found other helpful ways to say ‘no’? What dates have you been on just because you didn’t want to hurt feelings? 

Marriage. It feels like the end-all, be-all, but is it really? What if marriage is just temporary?

I spent a lot of time with my friend Natalie this weekend & we naturally talked a great deal about marriage {she’s dating a great man!}. She asked for wisdom, asked what it was like, and wanted to know what daily life together entails. After Michael went through the medical scare back in March, I have a renewed perspective of what it means to be in it–for better or worse–together. It was scary not knowing if Michael would be ok in the end. Would a good Dad inflict him with a disease?  I was far from  a pillar of strength and faith, as you’ll see from Larissa in the video.

What is marriage all about? I truly believe it is glorifying God better together, rather than apart. As you’ll see in the video, it’s not about happiness, prosperity, or even children. The joy living day in and day out with the one you love is indescribable–but with the depth of love for one another comes a cost.

This post today is not about Michael and I, but about Ian and Larissa. When I saw this video last week, I couldn’t help but weep. What a beautiful picture of God’s amazing love for us. I love Larissa’s heart in loving Ian so deeply. So fully.

I’ll leave you with a quote from the end of the video:

“When all around my soul gives way

He then is all my hope and stay.”

Beautiful. I’m pray for you both, Ian and Larissa! That God continues to be magnified in your love for one another.

Is your happiness resting in circumstances or in Christ? Why do you think God allows people to suffer? You can check out their blog at http://www.prayforian.com/ .

The wind circled the small coffee shop, rustling the leafless trees.

“I’m a good person. I go to church pretty often. . .and even give up my weekends to volunteer,” she dropped the comment in mid-conversation.

I gazed at my new friend, confused how we went from our favorite restaurants in Atlanta to that comment.

I smiled.  I had that gut feeling that God wanted me to engage with her on the topic she just seemingly pulled out of thin air: what makes a person good?

“Andie, I’d love to hear your thoughts on what makes a person good. Do you think being good determines where we spend eternity?”

I started to sweat, despite the cool air that seeped through the large glass windows.  She’s certainly going to drop her coffee & run. It was one of those moments  where you feel lighter than air. When you’ve said something uncomfortable for a reason beyond where you can see.

“Umm. . .”  She rapidly stirred her coffee, making a screeching sound on the bottom of the ceramic mug. I winced. I hate that sound.

“I guess God is forgiving and as long as we do the best we can, then we get to go to heaven. I mean no one’s perfect.”

I responded, “Do you know what the Bible says? Good people don’t go to heaven. Forgiven people do.”

“I mean. . . yeah, that’s what I meant. Being forgiven & good. . .”, she trailed off.

“And stuff,” she added.

“What if I told you church attendance & serving the poor & abstinence doesn’t get you into heaven?” I asked her. Yep, we were going there. I bit my upper lip.

“What do you mean?” She asked, pressing her lips against the brim of the mug.

Living a completely selfless life is useless—utterly meaningless—if you aren’t forgiven.  If you haven’t trusted Christ’s death a payment for your sins. You see, our works are supposed to be a sign of gratefulness to God for what He has done in our lives—but doesn’t have anything to do with our salvation status.

“So people who aren’t good can go to heaven?” she asked.

“Actually, I’d take it further. You won’t find any good people in heaven. You’ll find thousands and thousands of bad people—some worse than others—who have chosen forgiveness.”

My friend Andie represents dozens of men and women I’ve spoken with over the years who consistently ask the question,

“How good is good enough?”

Church attendance. Abstinence. Giving up your weekends to serve in domestic violence shelters. Tithing. Loving others as God loves us. All of it might make us good, but it doesn’t make us forgiven. Unfortunately, many Christians in America don’t understand this simple truth. Goodness is often associated with a ticket to heaven, when Jesus clearly tells us we can never be good enough.

The Bible says two things: 1.) If we could save ourselves by our acts of service & moral living then Christ died for nothing (Gal. 2:21) 2.) Salvation is a free gift from God and we can never ever, ever do anything to deserve or earn this gift. (Ephesians 2:8,9)

Brennan Manning describes who Jesus came for beautifully in his book The Ragamuffin Gospel:

“Jesus comes for sinners, for those as outcast as tax collectors and for those caught up in squalid choices and failed dreams.

He comes for corporate executives, street people, superstars, farmers, hookers, addicts, IRS agents, AIDS victims, and even used-car salesmen. Jesus not only talks with these people but dines with them—fully aware that His table fellowship with sinners will raise the eyebrows of religious bureaucrats who hold up the robes and insignia of their authority to justify their condemnation of the truth and their rejection of the gospel of grace.”

This truth changed my life.

 So what about you? Are you good?  Or are you forgiven?

Mr. Late Night

It may start innocently at first, a late rendezvous here and there, but pretty soon the only time you’re spending together is after dark. It used to be a booty call, but now it’s more frequently a “booty text”. {creative, right?} If you ever receive a text message late at night that consists of asking you where you are, what you are doing, and if you want to come over—these messages are for one purpose and one purpose only: Sex. No he isn’t dying to see a movie—he is dying to see you naked. If a man wants to get to know you, he will make plans to do so, and will not wait until late at night to see where you are. HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU IF THE ONLY TIME HE WANTS TO SEE YOU IS AFTER DARK. Some women believe they can catch a man by bedding him in one of these late night situations—but I have yet to hear a story of a happily married couple who started with “booty call” texts. Please spend some time

Mr. Last Minute

If a man cannot make plans with you in advance, then he is not worth your time. However, it may just be a planning issue. If you receive a call and especially a text message about plans in the next 5 hours, you are always busy. If he says, “Can I take you to dinner tonight?” Your response can be, “I’d love to, but I already made plans. I would love to see you another time.” This response tells him that a.) you are not desperate nor are you waiting around for him to call and b.) shows interest, so he knows you aren’t rejecting him—just his poor planning. Don’t rearrange your schedule for a man who only makes you an afterthought.

If he texts you, “What are you doing tonight?” you can respond with your plans (and make some up if you don’t have any) and then say, “I’m a little old-fashioned and don’t love text messaging. But I’d love to see you again and get to know you over the phone.” If he runs, then you answered your “is he ‘the One’?” question easily.

Your text-buddy-boyfriend-friend is sending you clear signals. If he’s not calling you, he doesn’t like you. He’s not intimidated. He hasn’t lost your number. The only exception is if he is deaf or mute. Period. Do you want to continue to let him string you along until he finds someone he likes better? I didn’t think so—you are worth a d*%@ phone call!

Don’t forget about Mr. Promised He Would Call & Mr. Inconsistent. 

Have you dated Mr. Last Minute or Mr. Late Night? Have you discovered they were open to change? Please comment because others can learn from your stories, questions, and comments!

Let’s talk about relationships, shall we? I continue to hear a wealth of stories about women cashing in their ticket for a lifetime with Mr. Right because they settle for Mr. Right Now. Heartbreaking!

If you’re new here, I suggest reading Real Men Don’t Text and Real Women Don’t Text Back to gain context for my perspective on dating. And I am far from perfect and have made some huge mistakes in my dating life.

Mr. Promised He Would Call

Anna and John meet at charity event and John is instantly attracted to her and after talking with her for most the evening asks for her number. He calls her standing beside the bar “just so she has his number and knows who’s calling.” Anna remains composed but is ecstatic because it’s been years since a decent guy (with a job!) has expressed interest in her. They part ways at the end of the night and John says he can’t wait to take her out. The next morning—Thursday—Anna wakes up and is sure she will have a date on Saturday. She tells all her co-workers about him and spends three hours online shopping for the perfect outfit.

But Friday night comes and goes without so much as a word. Saturday, Anna meets girlfriends out for lunch (all of whom are married) and she immediately starts asking what she should do about John. One friend suggests, “Why don’t you casually send him a text message saying you’re going downtown tonight and would love to see him.” No, that’s too forward—all the friends decide. “What about a text that says, ‘Hey it was great to meet you the other night. Looking forward to seeing you again.”? Or what if you ‘accidentally’ text him about your plans for the night to jog his memory about how hot you are? Another friend suggests.

What should you do? He promised he would call. You had a great time. He might have even been intimidated by your hot-sexy-accomplished self. He suggested a dinner spot “he’d love to take you to. . ..”

The truth is he does not like you if he isn’t calling you. Sending him a text message—no matter how casual or even accidental—will not suddenly jog his memory about your hot body and charming personality. Texting him—no matter how ‘perfect’ you are for each other– will only make you look desperate, even easy, and set you up for heartbreak down the road. I have witnessed and personally been a part of manipulating men to date me by making it “easy” on them. Most decent guys will not want to hurt your feelings or reject you and will often respond to your text messages and find themselves making plans.

But you don’t want a man taking you out to dinner or pursuing a relationship with you because he is afraid of hurting your feelings.

If he doesn’t call when he said he would delete his number from your phone, cut your losses, and move on!

Mr. Inconsistent

Elle and Dan live across town from each other and have been going on dates for five months. Their mutual love for hiking and foreign cuisine has brought them together—and Dan does everything right (he opens doors, takes her to nice restaurants, and makes plans in advance). However, it is becoming all too consistent that Dan is inconsistent. He will take Elle on a date and then she won’t hear from him except through text for the next week or two. He has a demanding job and is working his way up the corporate ladder, he explains, but really likes her and promises it won’t always be this way. Elle feels like she is always waiting around to see if he’ll make plans. What should she do? Should Elle “play it cool” and carry out their relationship over text message until Dan gets less busy? Remember, they are perfect for each other. Wink.

Unfortunately, if you live in the same city as a man and you have not seen him in two weeks then it is time to cut ties and move on.

It doesn’t matter if he’s the President of the United States. If he does not like you enough figure out a way to see you [everyone has to eat] then he is not worth waiting around for. If his interest level is this low in dating, consider how interested he will be in marriage.

Many men hate to be alone just as much as we do, so they will casually ‘date’ you in order to not face night after night of loneliness. Dan probably does like Elle, but not enough to want to see her often. You deserve better—now act like it! Wait for a man who hates going one day without seeing your pretty face.

Soon, we will learn about Mr. Late Night & Mr. Last Minute.

{Share thoughts below}. Have you dated either (hopefully not both) Mr. Promised He Would Call or Mr. Inconsistent?

On Saturday, thousands of people–runners, people that would qualify as ‘elderly’, costume-clad individuals, & even non-athletes–awoke before dawn and gathered around Centeniel Park for the annual Country Music Marathon and Half Marathon. Adrenaline & the god-aweful smell from the porta potties wafted over the streets; people checked their watches obsessively counting down ’til race time; runners did various pre-race routines. The National Anthem was sung, the gun shot, and the race began! People lined the streets for miles with all kinds of costumes & posters (my favorite: “You paid to do this–now SMILE!”). Words really cannot describe the I’m-in-the-middle-of-thousands-grunting-up-these-hills feeling–it really is a “runners high” at its finest.

My favorite part of marathons is seeing the runners who have the message written all over them: “this race is redemption for me”. It’s the woman who recently lost 100 pounds. It’s the man who beat cancer–and has a fan club on the side of the road telling the world : “Cancer can’t catch Johnny”. The elderly man with a shirt on declaring he’s churning out 13.1 miles for his late wife. Or the hundreds of people who do 26.2 miles in a wheelchair.

Back in the fall, I was training for another half marathon and I wrote in my prayer journal:

“I realized why I love running.  Running is, for me, symbolic of redemption. I was never athletic when I was little. I was overweight. I was always the last one picked for the sports teams.

But something about running “on wings like eagles” reminds me that you can redeem all things. All those times I was on the softball field and made fun of  because I was ‘the worst’. All those times I was picked last.

Running is just a piece of you redeeming the past, but redemption nevertheless. May I continue to run and glorify you with my body.”

You Might Consider Training for a Half-Marathon If. . .

If you are depressed, train for a half-marathon and see how your mood lifts every day after your run. If you are overweight, those pounds will not evaporate without some serious hard work. Some people lose 30-40 pounds while training for half-marathons. If you are insane, i.e. doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results in your fitness & appearance. TIME TO SIGN UP! Nothing will change without a goal and some accountability. If you are single, joining a running group is a great way to meet someone! If you want to save money, ditch the gym membership & hit the road! If you recently overcame an illness, nothing like solidifying the ‘win feeling’ than by training and crossing the finish line. If you need the reminder that Christ can redeem everything? RUN! Think about the ‘impossible’ becoming a reality in crossing that finish line.

Loosen your grip on your own desires, put yourself through a little bit of daily pain, and sign up for a half marathon. Our culture could use a lesson in delayed gratification. Just like choosing vegetables over chocolate or purity now for a deeper connection with your spouse later, the future of crossing that finish line is well worth the pain now. It’s not for everyone, but it might be for you. Over time, it will get easier & become enjoyable. Promise. It happened to me (remember, I was the overweight 5th grader?). Before you know it, you’ll be calling yourself a RUNNER.

Have you ever completed a half or full marathon? What can you tell us about the feeling? Anyone now considering training? 

Ruthie, Jamie, and Andrea at the finish line of the Country Music

Gentlemen, it is a pleasure to write to you today. This is not coming from a man who has it right, has done it all right, or will do it right in the future. This is coming from experience, and that experience has taught me a few things about relationships, women, the type of woman you want to end up with. With that in mind I want to share with you some helpful hints you are dating Mrs. Wrong.

1. If you love her and she loves. . . her.  Two words: manipulative and self-centered. Have you ever been in that relationship where you feel great, you are certain of your feelings for her, you would do anything for her, you love her–and she loves herself too? You tell her you love her and she says “Thank You” for way too long. In other words, the only person benefiting form the relationship is her. She just loves how much you love her, but doesn’t care all that much about you. You are allowing her to manipulate you, she may not know it either, but try setting up some boundaries and see if she will meet you. If she doesn’t and flips her wig, you know that you need to set good boundaries in the future and that she isn’t the right one for you.

2. If she has a lot of “guy friends”. If the girl you are dating has a lot of “guy friends” talks about them incessantly, gets coffee with them more than once a year, you have a problem. You are the man in her life now and she needs to make sacrifices to make you the one that she connects with no matter how fun college was and how much she likes to talk about it. Also, if she says, “I just don’t really get a long with girls,” and only has guy friends. You want a girl who is well supported by other women.

3. If her epidermis is (always) showing. Men if she does not dress the part then chances are she cannot play it right now. Chances are she is looking for more attention than you can give her. Remember, you are looking for a future mother for your kids, not someone who looks like she is nursing a neighborhood. If the way she dresses when she goes out would make your grandmother look the other way, you got it, you are dating Mrs. Wrong.

4. If you are going 90% and she comes 10%. We are supposed to sacrifice for women, part of chivalry being chivalrous, but if you are always going to her, she is hesitant to meet your friends and your parents, she has turned you into a “missing person” in your friend circle, it is time to reassess where the relationship is going. I have seen too many men get lost in dating a girl. All of a sudden your good friend Johnny is missing ALL the time because he is with “that girl”.

5. If she is too young for you. Are you 26 and she is 19? That means that she was 11 when you were a senior in high school. That’s not even in middle school. She is too young and you need to date someone your age. Time to grow up and get some maturity in your life. Be challenged and date someone in your arena.

6. If you are a Christian and she isn’t. Do you find yourself compromising your beliefs, things that you have held dear and fast to for years. For instance, does she push you to go farther physically than you are comfortable with? Does she hold to the same faith as you? Christian men, do you feel yourself pulled farther from the Father? Being challenged in your faith by a faith-filled woman is good, and the Bible warns against dating someone who doesn’t share your faith. That is not a statement to keep you from having fun, that is a statement that will bode well for your life should you choose to abide by it.

7. If she does not respect you. Does she respect you? Do you feel built up when around her? This is a BIG one! As men we are designed to thrive from respect, and often we feel the most loved when we are respected. Does she make fun of you in public to ease tension? Run! Does she talk down to you when in private? Run! Does she talk about you behind your back, or do you suspect that she does? Run! You should pick a woman who, for lack of a better term, makes you look good. Not by her physical appearance, but by the way she speaks of you. If she does not respect you, she is Mrs. Wrong.

8. Is she hot…to you? This might rustle some feathers. Are you attracted to her? Do you have to fight to keep your eyes off her? Can you vision yourself with her long-term, physically? Are you picking up what I am laying down? Does the thought of kissing her do much for you? It should! Does she take good care of her body? This is important because while physical attraction is not what a relationship is based on, for men it is very important. Men if you have to convince yourself that you are attracted to her, you aren’t. Be gentle, very gentle in the way you tell her if this is the case. Also keep in mind once you are married, you are ALWAYS attracted to her.

When she is 23 and thin, you are into 23 and thin. When she is 33 pregnant and “husky”, you are into 33 pregnant and “husky”. Is she 83 and in a hospital bed? You are into her when she is 83 and in the hospital. She IS ALWAYS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!

This is also a good spot to tell you to get some help if you have a porn addiction. See a counselor and bring that mess into the light.

Gentlemen, in closing, if you are in a relationship with a woman who fits into these categories and you realize that she isn’t the one for you, man up. Don’t just stop calling, or break up over text. If you do I’ll come to where you live and make sure you never text-end a relationship again. Respect her as a person, woman, and daughter of God. Let her down easy, don’t be manipulated into staying with her, be kind, considerate, and chances are you wont remain “good friends”. That’s okay! You don’t need any more friends. Dating is not about making friends, but choosing the woman who will be your lifelong best friend!

Yours in Manliness,
Michael

Men and women anything else to add? Do you agree, disagree? Why or why not? 

P.S. I love my wife, and I love her blog! Don’t forget to spread the word and subscribe on the right!

Have you ever looked back and considered what your life would be like had you tied the knot with an ex? Thought about how much you wished it worked out with him at the time—but now are thankful the relationship ended?

I have. It’s scares me to think about the guys I seriously dated & what our marriage would be like—but hindsight is always 20/20.

Who you choose to spend the rest of your life with is the second most important decision you will make in your life.

Only second to what you believe about God, eternity, & grace. I cannot emphasize enough how critical it is to tread carefully when dating & especially in serious relationships that are leading towards marriage. Marriage is hard enough without being married to the wrong person!

You’re Dating Mr. Wrong If. . .

1.)He doesn’t have the same interests you do or a similar long-term vision. Attraction will fade overtime—do you want to be living in the middle of nowhere Illinois just because you thought a farmer was hot, y’all had a song, & you’d never felt that way about anyone before? Interests and vision for the future are very key in making a marriage work! If you don’t want to be a missionary, don’t marry someone who does. If you want a big family and he doesn’t want kids–don’t get married. It seems obvious, but many couples base marriage solely on attraction.

2.) He uses the phrase “If you loved me, you would _______”.

Especially in regards to physical intimacy. Listen up! You don’t want to marry someone who puts conditions on your feelings for him & manipulates you to do what he wants. These statements are flashing red lights for trouble to come. Some examples: “If you loved me, you would sleep with me.” “If you loved me you would [insert chore].” “If you loved me, you would not need a ring to know how much I care about you.”

3.) He doesn’t have a grownup job & isn’t actively looking for one. If he has a college degree and plans on working as a barista at Starbucks for the next 10 years—unacceptable. You want a man who can lead your relationship—how will he lead your family, if he can’t figure out what he wants to do with his life?

4.) He has huge debt and spends frivolously. Money is one of the top two reasons for divorce, so you want to choose someone who has a healthy relationship with money. This topic should be brought up gently because it’s like addressing someone with an addiction: they are probably in denial. However, great discussions can come by sitting down and talking about financial goals & values.

5.) He has an unhealthy amount of baggage.

This one is tricky, because it’s not always clear. Everyone has a past. But if your boyfriend’s baggage is affecting his life every single day and dragging you down—it’s time to re-evaluate. It’s not necessarily the nature of the baggage as much as how he’s dealt with his past. You are not a savior. You cannot rescue him. Beware of these types of relationships. Danger ahead!

6.) He has a pornography addiction and isn’t actively fighting it. (Even worse: he doesn’t see it as a problem). Studies have shown that pornography is harmful to relationships—no matter how culture tries to justify it. Furthermore, any kind of strange sexual behavior (email me if there are questions) is a flashing red light. I have heard horror stories of women not telling their friends about strange sexual tendencies & it devastating them in the long run. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN! Marital intimacy needs to be based on trust & not fear or intimidation.

7.) He doesn’t respect you. If he constantly pushes the boundaries with you physically, just imagine how he will treat you when you are married. You deserve respect. The Bible says your body is a temple.

8.) He doesn’t share the same faith you do. If your faith is important to you, important enough that you can’t imagine your kids not believing like you do, then don’t date someone {even casually} who doesn’t share the same faith you do. If your husband can’t understand the most important part of you—think of how this will affect your intimacy. If you are a Christian, the Bible clearly says you are not to marry someone who is not—not for punishment, but for your own good. Because you will spend marriage pulling in opposite directions.

And if you’re not a Christian, don’t date someone who is a Christian because they are a hypocrite. RUN! {I share my story here.}

9.) The majority of your good friends don’t think he’s right for you. {They usually know.} Or if you have to make excuses for him, i.e. “he’s different when we’re together”–then he’s not right for you.

10.) He angers easily, has a violent temper, you often feel like you are walking on egg shells around him. . .any of these are danger signs for what’s to come. Marriage always highlights people’s weaknesses, addictions, & flaws.

Michael will write a post later this week about “You’re Dating Mrs. Wrong If. . .” so the women will hear truth as well.

Have you dated Mr. Wrong before? Are you currently justifying a relationship? What are some other signs you’ve seen in men you could add to the list? 

“I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.” ― Shauna Niequist

Yes, there is heartbreak, sadness, shame, and brokenness–but we have so many reasons for JOY. It’s easy to focus on the negative, but the good in your life is always there–you just have to choose it. Do something this weekend that isn’t on a to-do list, isn’t accomplishing your 5-year plan, and that doesn’t fall in the “should” category. There will always be dreary Mondays & frustrations & difficult coworkers, but Fridays & HOPE & surprising joy are always just around the corner. You have to choose to be joyful, no matter what life hands you. Will you choose joy today?

Do something this weekend that makes you giddy with joy. Tell us what you plan to do and give us some ideas!