I was 10 weeks pregnant. The nausea, exhaustion, and emotional instability were unbearable that day. I came home from work and crawled into bed at exactly 5:23. When Michael arrived home, I called out to him from under the covers in a rather pathetic voice, “Hi dear. Can you come up here?” He came trotting […]

What do you really want? It is a husband? A job? A group of friends? A healthy baby? A certain life path? It’s a simple question, but one I think we avoid asking because we’re afraid of speaking aloud the answer. Because when we don’t want anything, then we can’t get our hopes up, which in […]

  I rushed home after work to exercise before it was time to cook dinner. On my walk, I talked to a friend and the conversation shifted to loneliness and how it feels when friends and lists are not filling up our time, leaving us ragged. It seems everyone is too busy, too tired, too maxed out-but […]

Today is my third wedding anniversary. I vividly remember walking down the aisle towards Michael, thinking, “I can’t believe he chose me. I can’t believe he chose me”. I felt unworthy of such a great man. I didn’t have the faintest notion of what the future held as no one does, but I wasn’t worried. I […]

So one of the reasons I’ve been such a terrible blogger lately is I’ve been busy creating new life. Even typing that feels like a dream, ah! Baby Dean will be gracing us with his/her presence in October. Michael and I could not be more thrilled. Being pregnant is certainly not glamorous. I’m convinced I’m […]

How can we get through unbearable pain? I remember thinking, “I will never get over this.” There was no way out. I didn’t care that people told me, “When God closes a door, he opens a window” or any other nice sayings that belonged in threads on a pillow, not something that was actually going to help. […]

Questioning God’s goodness We have a chalkboard in our family room that for the past four months has stated, “God is a good Dad.” I originally wrote the phrase on the board because I felt my heart straying towards anxiety and fear instead of embracing the truth I’ve often fought to believe: God isn’t a […]

My counselor once told me there will always be people in my life that try to pull me, at times yank me, down into their craziness. That was nice validation since I felt that in my lifetime, I’ve dealt with more than my share of Crazy. But, of course the lesson continued, as it should, […]

Shauna Niequist posted this beautiful word on her blog, “More love, less hustle”. I now have perfect four words to describe my disappearance from writing over the last few months. I didn’t mean to take such a long break, it was just like one post turned into one week which turned into one month and […]

I was harboring a secret, until I couldn’t anymore. I told a friend my story in the bathroom of a pub of sorts. It was 2008 and we’d just watched Obama win the election. I didn’t know how she’d react. My mouth stuck together as I rambled on; I needed Chapstick. I wanted to be […]