Boys to Men | A Guest Post

Today, we have a guest post from one of my readers. Heather Hill is an engineering graduate student at the University of Texas in Austin.  Working in a male-dominated world has taught her to truly cherish the relationships she has with her girlfriends. I’m particularly excited about this post because Heather isn’t a Christian but is on a journey to find purpose-and can’t help but notice the Christians who seem to have found that purpose.
I’m holding out on dating for the time being.  I’ve dated boys, but I’ve come to realize I need to start dating men.  But first, I am on a quest to find my purpose.  Is there something bigger and deeper than myself?
On several occasions, I’ve found myself having the same conversation with guys about defining exactly where our relationship stands.  And, it usually isn’t what they want to hear:  “I know we have so much in common, and yes, I love hanging out with you.  But, I want to just be friends.”  And, as expected, they always want to know “Why?”“Why?” Good question…  “I don’t know.  I just know I don’t want to date right now.  I’m still in the process of figuring some things out.  It feels like every day I’m learning something new about myself, growing my understanding of how I want to live my life, and redefining my priorities.”They promise me more space and time to figure things out.  But, in the end, they need to know:  “Do I see a future relationship with them?”Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.  How am I supposed to know if we’re meant to have a future together?  I don’t want to pick and choose.  I just want to have that jut feeling that I know this is the person I was meant to be with.  That maybe someone else has crafted a plan for me – someone who knows what is ultimately best for me?What if?

While I’m not a Christian right now, I’ve matured enough to realize that there are too many blessings in this world to not give thanks to someone.  It is funny how I constantly find people in my life kindling that fire and curiosity I have about Christianity…

People that are believers in Jesus.

People that are living their life to glorify Him and the spread the Gospel.

Purpose-driven people I admire, who have so much passion, love, and thankfulness in a Person they cannot physically see or touch but can have such a deep relationship with.

People who have faith that there is a purpose for their life.

And that… is hard not to notice.  It’s hard not to notice their unwavering faith in something bigger and deeper than themselves.  And even without fully understanding how it all works, I know that that is what I want: a foundation and purpose for the way to live my life.

I seem to be slow at everything … but this is so fundamental to moving forward in life.  To contribute to a team of any sorts, you have to know yourself and what you can bring to the table.  And when I think of being in a relationship with someone, I see myself in a team of love and support and doing good works together.

Maybe that is why I’m holding out on dating for the time being.  I need more time.   More time to discover myself and my faith.  More time to grow into the lady I want to be.  I’m holding out for coming to know something bigger and deeper than myself.  Once I figure that out, then I can start thinking about giving dating relationships another chance.

I try to see light and lessons in everything.  While these tricky friendships are hard to navigate and sometimes strain my energy and spirit, I am thankful for them.

I’m thankful for:

  • The chance to be an example for these men.  Hopefully by seeing the strength of my resolve to pursue what I know in my heart to be a fulfilling relationship, they may look deeper in their hearts and decide what they ultimately want out of their life and life partner.
  • All these little tests and temptations along the way—they confirm what I’m ultimately working towards.  Having the encouragement from blogs like Ruthie Dean, having amazing Christian mentors in my life, and seeing friends in faith-based relationships, gives me hope and constant encouragement.

Maybe one day I will clearly know my purpose – the reason I was created and blessed entirely too much.  I try to stay true to my belief of what a solid foundation for a relationship is built on.  I know that one day, I’ll find the right person to walk through life with in a relationship full of love and support for each other’s life purpose.

What about you? How does your purpose in life play into your relationships? Where does your purpose come from? 

If you liked this post, you may also like:

10 Responses to “Boys to Men | A Guest Post”
  1. L says:

    I became a Christian 3 years ago through missionaries at my university in England and it completely changed my views on relationships, marriage and sex. Before, I never wanted to get married and saw no reason to wait for sex. Now, although it’s hard at times I am committed to waiting to date a Christian guy who loves God and who wants to be intentional and committed in the relationship because it’s so much better that way!

    • Heather says:

      Thanks for the comment!
      It seems like it would be easy to get impatient when waiting for the right guy to come into your life, especially after you’ve declared Jesus in your life. Like, “I’m ready to start my renewed life, with different priorities and perspectives!” But, it helps to remember that God will never leave you, even in a world that can seem so flaky and temporary at times. All the best wishes in your walk!

  2. Heather-
    LOVED your post. Loved you honesty and insight and most of all your hope in a possible faith and a possible loving relationship. Hope is so important and so easy to lose. This post was an encouragement to me.
    Thanks for sharing,

    • Heather says:


      Wow! Glad it was encouraging to you! That is exactly why I stepped out and published the post – it is something that had been stirring in my heart for a while, and I decided to share when I felt like others might resonate with the story. All the best in life!

  3. Great perspective you have Heather.

    I agree with you. Purpose discovery and pursuit are so key. Strong lives are built in strong foundations.

    My purpose comes from God. He’s my creator, thus knows what He created me for. I believe strongly that only the designer/manufacturer of a tool or product knows its use best.

    Your thoughts resonate with me because I have a current post on my blog,, talking about purpose.

  4. Natalie M says:

    Heather! You have no idea how much I LOVED this post! I so appreciate how much you weigh and question what it means to follow Jesus. I’m so encouraged by your journey!! I also think it’s a noble thing to desire to figure out where you stand with God and His purpose for you before dating. So many people rush into a relationship to satisfy a hunger that can only be satisfied by Christ. I obviously think love and marriage is a great and wonderful thing, but oh man, Christ is SO much better!!! So, keep seeking. Christ is worth it. So good!!!! You know I just get so excited thinking about these things!!! ;)

    • Heather says:

      Natalie –
      You are such an inspiration. Thanks for your kinds words on the post and the love you pour into my life!

  5. Leann says:

    I did not marry before I became a Christian, and afterwards, all I kept saying was THANK GOD I didn’t marry before, because it would have been to the wrong person! I’m not saying everyone that marries ‘without God’ chooses wrong, but I know I would have.

    • Heather says:

      That is exactly the idea I was getting at. I’m so thankful I’ve realized this before pursuing a relationship :) Thanks for the comment!

Leave A Comment