“Do You Have a Boyfriend?” | A Guest Post
Today’s post will resonate with many of my single readers. How often do people ask about your relational status and make you feel like that is the entirety of who you are? I’m thrilled Krista wrote in with this guest post today. Bio: Krista McKinney is a Nashville native currently living in Texas. Her newest adventure is her cooking blog at www.forbetterorworseblog.wordpress.com.
I was home from college, once again fulfilling my role as the stereotypical twenty-something daughter. It was a role I generally enjoyed, aside from the question that always leapt to the forefront of every conversation:
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
Oh, what a dreaded interrogation. Over the years, even when I had been in a committed and happy relationship, I had always answered this last question with trepidation. Growing up in a wealthy and conservative Southern town, it is often expected that one will find one’s spouse as soon as possible. I can’t say I was appalled by the idea. Like many girls, I had been planning every minute detail of my “big day” since the age of four. I knew exactly how the cake would taste, what color the bridesmaids’ shoes would be, and most importantly, how my soon-to-be husband’s face would look as I walked down the aisle. Alas, I was a ripe twenty-one years old with no husband to be found.
I unexpectedly faced this reality during this college break. Seeing my college graduation looming closer in the distance, I decided it was time to make a run to the bookstore to prepare to take the GMAT. I had always considered myself a high achiever, a woman who, although she would choose to stay at home with her 2.5 kids and white picket fence, could support the family if necessary. Therefore, I decided to prepare to apply to graduate school.
As I scanned the standardized test preparation books, I faced the stark opposite of my reality in the same squared-off nook as myself. A slender, blonde girl, no more than a few years older than me, was pulling wedding planning books off the shelves with her diamond-adorned left hand. She handed each one to her mother as they giggled and glowed over her recent engagement. I immediately felt the sting of jealousy and forced myself to pay attention to the reason I had come to the store. I compared the soft floral covers of the books she was flipping through to the harsh bright colors and complex equations sprawling the covers of my own.
Where did I go wrong? Why was I not living every girl’s dream?
As I gathered my books to walk away, I glanced at the girl and she gave me a warm, accepting smile. At that moment, God gave me a gentle reminder that His plan far supersedes any plan I might have for my own life. He does not fit His works into the philosophy of a small town. He has phenomenal gifts in store for me.
I walked away proud that I was preparing myself for a brighter future. One that would not only better myself, but one that would be more beneficial in sharing with someone else, should that be in God’s plan for me.
In June 2011, I walked down the aisle, and my husband’s face smiling back at me was more remarkable than I could have ever imagined, just as God’s plan for me was more remarkable than I could have ever imagined.
I was so thankful to have completed a graduate degree, to have travelled out of the country, and to have mastered my chocolate chip cookie recipe before becoming his wife.
It was so important for me to know who I was, what I valued, and for me to completely trust in the Lord’s plan before I married him. I know who I am-a child of God. That knowledge not only gives me peace. And brings peace to our marriage.
I know my single readers can relate to this dreaded “Do you have a boyfriend?” question. Can you tell us about your experiences and what has helped you embrace singleness?
If you liked this post, you may also like:
- “…God? I’m still not married.” | A Guest Post from my husband
- Do you really think you’re that important?
- What Now? | When Life Doesn’t Turn Out Like You Planned
- “What Most Surprised You About Marriage?”
I got so fed up of my cousin asking me each Christmas if I had a boyfriend that I would joke that one year I’d say ‘no…but I have a girlfriend’ just to shut him up! It’s hard to constantly tell myself that my worth isn’t defined by a guy when everything in culture says the opposite. With Christians it’s all about finding someone to marry, and from my non-Christian friends and family I’m either seen as too picky or boring for not being with someone.
“He does not fit His works into the philosophy of a small town.”
That line hit me so deeply! I think that’s been what God’s been telling me about every aspect of my life recently. Being on the verge of my senior year of high school, the world is a blank slate and it’s so easy to get caught up in speculating about what I want to do or the desire to be in a relationship.
Up until this last year, I always felt too young to be in a relationship. This year though has brought me having the near majority of my friends in relationships (both non christian friends dating or Christian friends with their we’re-just-friends-but-not-really-because-we-are-planning-our-wedding relationships). It’s become a lot harder to realize that there’s not someone in my life, but I’m looking forward to being able to figure myself out and experience the things that being single gives you.
I’ve found that I have a lot of confidence in being alone – something many others struggle with. I can go to restaurants, movies, and even bowling alone. It’s one little thing that my friends in relationships just don’t get to do.
If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me “do you have a boyfriend?” I’d be a millionaire.
Thank you for all of your encouragement Ruthie
Your story fills me with hope that the ‘perfect’ guy is out there and that right now I have to focus on discovering who I am in Christ
Oh Christina! Yes, it’s so frustrating to feel defined by our relationships. Continue on your journey to dig deeper into who you are in Christ. Thanks for commenting!
As fate would have it, I did meet my husband in college and got married a year after I graduated, but I find this article SO insightful and encouraging. I always remember that God does have plans for each and every one of us, and whether you find your husband at 20, 30, or 40, you are defined by your actions rather than your significant other. In many ways, self-discovery happens after you graduate and establish a place in the world. While I will always be eternally grateful for my amazing husband, I think women who start out their life in the world single have an advantage of being more confident, self-assured, and independent. These qualities all contribute to greater success in finding the perfect guy out there for you, when the time comes
I am a guy, but I enjoy scanning through the more “neutral” posts. This article is a very real aspect of my life. It is not girls alone that experience this high expectation. I am 23 and have been asked this question numerous times by family (immediate and extended) and co-workers at both jobs I work. It is a question that seems almost loaded if you are single and struggling with being alone. However, the way I have processed it in my mind as a guy is that although I would love to have a wife to cherish right now, I can wisely use this single time as I approach the quarter of a century mark to prepare for her. Many of my peers advise me to “live life” since I’m single. Buy fast cars, motorcycles, trucks, etc. At first, I was tempted to do this eyeing my savings account and thinking of the down payment I could put on a nice vehicle or hunting trip. Then it dawned on me…why not give my paychecks a purpose? I can save all my earnings for a house! How great would it be to have enough saved to be able to buy a house outright (or nearly so) when I DO finally meet the woman God has for me? Although I still struggle with lonely nights and questioning if all the good girls are taken, I have been able to enjoy my jobs and get excited watching my savings slowly grow and anticipating the joy of possibly her dream home and, more importantly, security I will someday be able to offer a woman, Lord willing. I now know that my waiting may very well be a big blessing for HER. Love is sacrificial and right now I am being asked to sacrifice my emotion for a more secure future with my bride…so I find myself happily, yet expectantly waiting.
PS: Does Michael have a blog I could follow too that is guy specific or does he only “guest post” on yours?
Thank you for posting this. It is so refreshing to know there are still good, CHRISTIAN single men out there. Thank you for being faithful and cherishing your wife even though you don’t know her yet! I pray that God blesses you greatly with a wonderful woman when Christ deems you ready! God bless~
Thank you for the prayers! I certainly need them. I would say I am far from good, but by God’s grace I am growing slow, but steadily. I am excited to see whom He places in my life. I have met a girl who I have felt is “the one” for the past year. Unfortunately, I’m not sure she feels the same way yet. Every time I try to give up, it seems God gives some little reminder to keep praying and waiting. So we will see what He has in store for my life whether it is in fact her or someone else.