Give the Fat Girl a Break : On Telling Yourself the Truth
After publishing Am I Worth Loving? Wrestling with Rejection, I have sifted through emails and comments from many and even cried over one. I cannot express how it hurts me to see you suffering and on top of all that suffering believing lies about yourself.
My college journals reveal several lies I wrote about myself over and over-many of which started as questions and over time morphed into answers. Am I worth loving? changed forms to I have nothing to offer any man. Am I good enough? to “I’ll never be enough.”
STOP. I wish I could step back in time and sit down with Freshman Ruthie. I’d ask her what she believed about herself. I would ask her to stop and consider the messages even that day she has bouncing around inside her head. And then, plead with her to cease speaking lies over herself and learn to recognize negative thoughts. Only awareness of our destructive thoughts can lead to healing.
What do you believe about yourself?
[I hate sharing this part]. Every time I walk into a Christian gathering, church, or anything Christian my mind tends to start racing. I’m not as good as these other women. I’m not a ‘good Christian’ like they are. I have nothing to offer. If they had any idea what I’m going through. . .
That might sound ludicrous to you, but it started when I became a Christian in college. Vanderbilt is a small enough school that if you have a come to Jesus summer — you can’t exactly slide into RUF and church the next semester unnoticed. Were people judging me? Probably some were. But for the most part, it was all inside my head.
Even now when I walk into church those same lies often come back if I’m not paying attention. I’ve sat through entire church services before thinking about how I was a no-good Christian because a “women’s retreat” was the last place I wanted to be on a Saturday.
Checking the Christian box won’t stop these lies from storming your mind. We have to actively engage in telling ourselves the truth. Will any man ever find me good enough? quickly changes to No wonder I am single. I don’t deserve a husband. I am pathetic/unworthy/unattractive/boring/insertliehere. Don’t ask questions for which you already know the answer.
Are you worth loving? Christ died so that nothing could ever separate you from the Father’s love for you. Do you have what it takes? The Bible says with God, everything is possible. Are you good enough? No one is-we are all in the same sinking boat [church-going Christians, abortionists, politicians, homosexuals, hard-working moms] without Christ.
Are you fat? Possibly you’re overweight, but if you call yourself a fat girl all day long how will you ever find the motivation to lose weight? Will anyone find you attractive? If you believe you are unattractive, it will show in how you carry yourself and interact with others-and the thoughts will start to define you. The “I am unattractive” lie makes you unattractive even if you are flawless in beauty!
Where do you go from here? Self-awareness. I challenge you to pay attention to the thoughts flowing through your mind today. Write them down. Put a big fat x through each and write the truth next to the lies. If you struggle with constant thoughts about your appearance, stand in front of the mirror and TELL YOURSELF THE TRUTH.
Your mind will not change overnight. But after months, maybe years, of learning to capture your thoughts and speak Christ’s truth over each-you will be free. And then you have to keep fighting for freedom that comes from knowing & believing the truth.
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5
Have you experienced the destructive nature of thoughts? What lies are you believing & what truths do you want to believe?
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Hey Ruthie,
Thanks for writing this.
One lie that I have truly believed is that I am not worth loving…I even struggle with the love that God has bestowed upon me…how can He love me so much? Growing up in a family where I was constantly reminded of my unworthiness has got me fighting everyone who says they love me. In most cases, I will literally run away from them.
But I choose to believe the truth that;
God loves me so much that His only begotten Son to die for me. He died for ME because He loved me, now I am forgiven of all my sins, I am whole because of Him, I am free from all self doubt, yeah, in Him I have the freedom.
I am worthy of Gods love and I choose to receive it every day of my life…every hour, every minute. In fact, I want to live in it, walk in it, eat it and portray it-Gods love.
I am worthy to be loved and more so if I CAN get myself to believing that I have the capacity to love back. See, I long gave up feelings that are love related especially concerning adult males. I can love all others but men and I pray for revival where this area of my life is concerned. I don’t wanna die single.
I am worthy of every good thing that God has planned for me, I will reach out and git it.
One more thing; when I first saw your pics on Facebook, the first thing I noticed was that you’re truly beautiful. You’re fearfully, wonderfully and beautifully made Ruthie, don’t let that out of your head. Smile girl.
Hi Tatuu,
Thanks for sharing your journey. You won’t die single! I understand the pain of growing up in that kind of family. It takes years to reprogram the messages we’ve heard about ourselves. Keep telling yourself the truth!
And I will respond to your email soon! Sorry, I’ve been incredibly busy, but know I prayed for you when I read it and will continue to do so.
Love from Nashville, TN!
So well written my dear! I could not agree more.
I haven’t been reading your posts for very long, but I really enjoy the encouraging words that you have to say. Your lasts 2 posts have really hit a nerve with me. My story is fairly long so I won’t share it at this time, but through the years I’ve been left fairly damaged. Today you said that “My college journals reveal several lies I wrote about myself over and over–many of which started as questions and over time morphed into answers. Am I worth loving? changed forms to I have nothing to offer any man. Am I good enough? to “I’ll never be enough.”
I really understand that, but until now I didn’t realize that is what I am doing. The lies that I have told myself for years have warped from something not so nice into something really awful. I have hit the point where at times I believe that Christ died for everyone but me because I’m so (fill in the blank). This doesn’t include my perceptions on how others must view me. While my mind tells me that this isn’t true and that I know better than to believe the lies, my heart simply aches and tells me that it must be true.
Thank you again for your uplifting/encouraging words.
Hi Joanna, I’m thrilled you found my post uplifting. It is vital to understand the lies that flood our minds, so we can fight them with truth. And the truth ALWAYS sets us free!
Thanks for reading my blog. Please pass it along to anyone you think might be interested!
Thanks for the precious reminder, Ruthie! I’m definitely the girl that is always worried about what others think about me. Mrs. “people-pleaser”- that’s me. I wrestle with the thought that I’m not “holy” enough, intelligent enough, pretty enough, fit enough, submissive to my husband enough. It’s tiring. The measuring stick I hold up for myself is unattainable and ungodly. I’ve had to really limit my time on Pinterest and Facebook lately b/c I find myself envying the skinnier girl who is dressed really cute….further fueling my “I’ll never be skinny enough” struggle. What a lie. My heart so easily deceives me. None of that matters in light of eternity and how my Jesus sees me. I love finding rest in the words of Isaiah, ”
“Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and {s}he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live.” 55:1-3a
Danelle-I am right there with you. Pinterest is seriously not good for me either. I can’t believe you struggle with this because you are so gorgeous and thin! Michael won’t let me use the word “toned” in our house because he thinks it’s unhealthy how much I talk about wanting to be more “toned”. ha. It sounds funny writing it, but it’s the truth!
Thanks for sharing the verse. Love it! He will give us rest.
I struggle with facebook too. I have to deactivate my account for a week or so every few months because the constant envy and jealousy are hard for me to overcome. I know that sounds drastic but it helps definitely. With facebook I feel like it’s this glamorized resume, of a perfect life because no one puts anything negative on there. So it appears that everyone has a better life than you do.
Yes, I know several people who struggle with these thoughts. Good to know yourself and be wise about where you spend your time.