Life As A MRS | The Comparison Battle

Envy. Jealousy. Comparison. Who do you compare yourself to? I have found myself preoccupied lately with feelings of inadequacy. I will never be a good enough wife. I will never look as good as her. And on the list goes.

I compare myself to everyone. When I was in college it was girls in my sorority. When I was in China, I was obsessed with fitting in among the other missionaries (which didn’t work). And now that I have three letters M-R-S on the front of my name — I compare myself to married women.

Michael and I live in a slightly…umm, well let’s just say less-than-extravagant duplex. Yes, 5009 B is where I burn toast, nearly slice my fingers off, and learn that a clove of garlic is not entire head. It’s a great place to start out…don’t get me wrong…but the washer and dryer in the kitchen, non-existent storage space, and the fact that my clothes won’t fit in the closet in our bedroom…it lends itself to chaos and a need for Extreme Makeover Home Edition

And I’m just not one of those DIY, creative women who can turn clutter and chaos into a home that looks like Pottery Barn plopped down on top of it. I don’t craft. I don’t paint. I don’t like to decorate. We don’t even have curtains in our living room yet, because I’ve bought 10 sets and returned all of them. I have “indecisiva”. Still waiting for a cure.

Last night, Michael and I went to a couple’s house with several other couples from our church and I said, “I don’t want any of them to come over to our house.” My reasons? I compared myself to everyone at the party. Especially the hostess.

She is PERFECT {or so it seemed}. Her house was vintage, yet new and totally spacious and welcoming. SHE GARDENS and brought us cherry tomatoes from her garden. She made us homemade ice cream. FAIL-URE. How could I ever in 1 million years be like her?

I tried to ‘think positively’ and think of some traits about myself that I like. I can read fast? Stupid. I can speak Chinese? So can 1/2 the planet. Nothing helped. I just wanted to be someone else.

I have to think that I’m not alone. As women, isn’t it easy to focus on what everyone else is and we’re not?

But the truth is we are made in God’s image to bring life and strength into other people’s lives. But how can we do that if we are trying to be like everyone else? God made us different for a reason. Each of us has many shortcomings, but also many strengths. We have to FIGHT to see ourselves as beautiful and unique and created in the image of God. He didn’t make us all the same, because each of us brings a different element of beauty and grace into this broken world.

Some of us are naturally going to be thinner than others. Some women can whip up french looking desserts effortlessly. Some have green thumbs. Some have the gift of hostessing. Some women have the gift of encouragement. What is one area of strength you can focus on today?

I am not the perfect wife. Nor will I ever be. Friends and sisters — I challenge you to join me in reminding yourself of your true worth. We are NOT a number on the scale.  We are NOT our jobs. We are NOT our relationship status. We are NOT our houses.  

We are His beloved daughters. We were created to be different, to look different, and to serve in different ways. We all have a tendency to burn things — give yourself grace today to be who you were created to be.

Do you struggle with comparing yourself? Who do you compare yourself to and why? I’d love feedback from women who can relate.

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27 Responses to “Life As A MRS | The Comparison Battle”
  1. Meg Murray says:

    Ruthie, this was beautiful. You’re amazing and I am loving your blog. Thanks for your vulnerability and heart!
    love, meg murray

  2. colleencoble says:

    Terrific post, Ruthie! We women are terrible about comparing ourselves. I must say though, you are one BEAUTIFUL girl. It was all I do not to drop my jaw when I met you. :)

    • ruthie00 says:

      Colleen! I am honored you commented. So grateful to meet you last week, as our entire team is continually singing your praises. You are humble, joyful, and truly doing the Lord’s work. We’re looking forward to 1 million MORE copies sold!

  3. leannpass says:

    Hi Ruthie,
    Loving to read your posts. Curtain comment, fantastic! indecisiva – yes!

  4. Steph says:

    Found your blog while roaming the net. Totally agree about not comparing yourself to other married women – I do the same. I’ve even said to my husband (mid sob) “I’m sorry I’m not a good wife.” He of course calmed me down and told me I was completely out of line. The thing to remember (and I still tell myself this, so do NOT feel out of place) is that our husbands fell in love and married us for something. God made us to be their other halves. :) Love your blog… keep it up dear!

    • ruthie00 says:

      Yes! I have to remind myself that my husband married me because he loved me. He isn’t sitting around waiting for me to magically transform into Betty Crocker. Or Gisele (the Victoria secret model). Or anyone else!

      Thanks for reading. I “mid-sob” apologized to my husband for ruining his life! haha. I tend to be a little dramatic:/

  5. Ruthie, I realize that I do the same thing all the time with my friends who are married. I am a certified dreamer and I normally have a 1,000 great ideas of things that I would to do but hardly do I make those ideas accomplishments. Know that you are not alone.

    Ps- You were a beautiful bride!


  6. Leigh says:

    RUTHIE!! I heard about your blog from Kari and Bron and decided to check it out today! Thank you SO much for the encouragement, hearing your heart was such a blessing to me :) I think we women need to be reminded constantly not to compare ourselves with others. It really does steal away the joy of finding our identity in Christ. Our main concern should be looking at Christ and who HE is, and getting our characteristics from Him. I can’t be thankful for and cultivate the unique gifts He gave me if I’m always wishing I had the gifts he gave others! So good to hear Ruthie, I’ll keep reading! Praying for you and Michael!

    P.S. It’s apparent where God has given you a gift ;) Keep writing!


    • Ruthie D. says:

      Leigh! Sorry I’m just now replying. Your comment greatly encouraged me! Thank you for your kind words — and words of wisdom. I’m thankful you were blessed by the post and also thankful to have women in germany reading my blog:) Please enter your email on the homepage so you don’t miss any posts!

  7. McKenna says:

    It’s amazing how we’re led to things in the exact moment we need them. I was sitting in my kitchen (also the location for our washer/dryer), feeling lower and lower as I compared my life to the life-stories of other people I know. My husband just came in to say that he wanted to invite a couple over for dinner and I lost it. I took a mental tour of our apartment, the little IKEA table in our dining room, our craigslist couches, our tiny TV, and I felt embarrassed. And what would I cook for them? All these thoughts piled on to everything I was already feeling about my recent struggle to find a post-college job (so disheartening) which has resulted only in a possible position as a nanny. I feel my inadequacies like weight on my forehead. What’s wrong with me?

    I signed on to facebook and, just becuase, clicked on Gail Sawyer’s wall. That is where I found the link to your blog. Thank you for being so candid, morever, for being so encouraging.

    • Ruthie D. says:

      Its always nice when people comment, so I’m not just wondering…”am I the only one with a washer-dryer in my kitchen who is embarrassed to have company over?” Thank you for your words of encouragement. Thankful my vulnerability brought encouragment on a much needed day. I just checked out your blog! Looking forward to reading more:)

  8. …and Ruthie, one more-YOU are good at writing and encouraging others! :) Great post. I want to raise my hand and say, “Yes! Men struggle with comparing ourselves to others too.” And I dare say in many ways, we envy you women as well.

  9. SO TRUE- all of it! I’ve been struggling with/mulling over/writing about the same thing and feel very encouraged to relate to your words (and the comments of others)! It can be so frustrating to constantly battle our own comparisons, but we just have to daily remind ourselves of the truth. I’m with ya, Ruthie!

    • Ruthie D. says:

      So glad the post resonated with you! Feel free to respond to the others comments, too. I’m glad you are reading. Keep reminding yourself of the truth-you are created in the image of God and He doesn’t make mistakes!

  10. Danelle says:

    You don’t know how timely this post is for me. Envy has been eating my insides for a while now. It’s so easy to believe the “i’m not good enough” lies. Thank you for sharing your heart, Ruthie. I’m so glad I met you. You are a true beauty: inside and out.

    • Ruthie D. says:

      I’m so glad the post resonated with you. Don’t you hate comparison? It truly steals our joy. Just writing this post has helped me remember not to compare myself. I still struggle (and probably always will) but try to ‘self talk’ and remind myself God made me the way I am-with my strengths and weaknesses-for a reason. Thanks for the compliments:)

  11. a says:

    im flat chested and men dont want a flat chested girl. im not ‘normal’ I do missions and am an artist. I compare myself to the girl next door. with big boobs that looks like cant do anything BUT be an amzing wife and mom of his child. yes. his the his I will never get bc ive got too much going on. I try not but it bugs me daily. I used to model but let me tell you ppl like to LOOK at a model but rarely do they marry one..not short guys anyway. so such is life.

  12. Lauren Bentley (Walker) says:

    Sweet Ruthie how true and beautiful your words are… Thank you for allowing God to speak His truth through you. I knew you had a stunning soul when I met you 7 years ago …you ministered to me then and you minister to me now… Blessings

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