Mr. Promised He Would Call & Mr. Inconsistent
Let’s talk about relationships, shall we? I continue to hear a wealth of stories about women cashing in their ticket for a lifetime with Mr. Right because they settle for Mr. Right Now. Heartbreaking!
If you’re new here, I suggest reading Real Men Don’t Text and Real Women Don’t Text Back to gain context for my perspective on dating. And I am far from perfect and have made some huge mistakes in my dating life.
Mr. Promised He Would Call
Anna and John meet at charity event and John is instantly attracted to her and after talking with her for most the evening asks for her number. He calls her standing beside the bar “just so she has his number and knows who’s calling.” Anna remains composed but is ecstatic because it’s been years since a decent guy (with a job!) has expressed interest in her. They part ways at the end of the night and John says he can’t wait to take her out. The next morning—Thursday—Anna wakes up and is sure she will have a date on Saturday. She tells all her co-workers about him and spends three hours online shopping for the perfect outfit.
But Friday night comes and goes without so much as a word. Saturday, Anna meets girlfriends out for lunch (all of whom are married) and she immediately starts asking what she should do about John. One friend suggests, “Why don’t you casually send him a text message saying you’re going downtown tonight and would love to see him.” No, that’s too forward—all the friends decide. “What about a text that says, ‘Hey it was great to meet you the other night. Looking forward to seeing you again.”? Or what if you ‘accidentally’ text him about your plans for the night to jog his memory about how hot you are? Another friend suggests.
What should you do? He promised he would call. You had a great time. He might have even been intimidated by your hot-sexy-accomplished self. He suggested a dinner spot “he’d love to take you to. . ..”
The truth is he does not like you if he isn’t calling you. Sending him a text message—no matter how casual or even accidental—will not suddenly jog his memory about your hot body and charming personality. Texting him—no matter how ‘perfect’ you are for each other- will only make you look desperate, even easy, and set you up for heartbreak down the road. I have witnessed and personally been a part of manipulating men to date me by making it “easy” on them. Most decent guys will not want to hurt your feelings or reject you and will often respond to your text messages and find themselves making plans.
But you don’t want a man taking you out to dinner or pursuing a relationship with you because he is afraid of hurting your feelings.
If he doesn’t call when he said he would delete his number from your phone, cut your losses, and move on!
Mr. Inconsistent
Elle and Dan live across town from each other and have been going on dates for five months. Their mutual love for hiking and foreign cuisine has brought them together—and Dan does everything right (he opens doors, takes her to nice restaurants, and makes plans in advance). However, it is becoming all too consistent that Dan is inconsistent. He will take Elle on a date and then she won’t hear from him except through text for the next week or two. He has a demanding job and is working his way up the corporate ladder, he explains, but really likes her and promises it won’t always be this way. Elle feels like she is always waiting around to see if he’ll make plans. What should she do? Should Elle “play it cool” and carry out their relationship over text message until Dan gets less busy? Remember, they are perfect for each other. Wink.
Unfortunately, if you live in the same city as a man and you have not seen him in two weeks then it is time to cut ties and move on.
It doesn’t matter if he’s the President of the United States. If he does not like you enough figure out a way to see you [everyone has to eat] then he is not worth waiting around for. If his interest level is this low in dating, consider how interested he will be in marriage.
Many men hate to be alone just as much as we do, so they will casually ‘date’ you in order to not face night after night of loneliness. Dan probably does like Elle, but not enough to want to see her often. You deserve better—now act like it! Wait for a man who hates going one day without seeing your pretty face.
Soon, we will learn about Mr. Late Night & Mr. Last Minute.
{Share thoughts below}. Have you dated either (hopefully not both) Mr. Promised He Would Call or Mr. Inconsistent?
If you liked this post, you may also like:
- Mr. Late Night & Mr. Last Minute
- Top 10 Posts of 2012
- Why Women Text Back
- Ambiguous Texts Don’t Have to Define Your Love Life
Great post, Ruthie. Reminds me of the movie “He’s Just Not that into You.” If he’s not calling, he’s not interested. Words to live by
Can’t wait to hear about Mr. Late Night and Last Minute!
Oh yes! I love that book. Thanks for commenting!
Hi Ruthie
Excellent, I can not wait to read next!
Blessings.
Mayra, Mexico
Hi Mayra! Have you dated either of these men? Curious if this is similar in Mexico?
of course! That also happens in Mexico, now I wonder what place does not happen?
I even happened! dificl accept but it is the best. if not show any interest for you .. “He does not like you so much!” then do not waste your time.
button should be a detector of these men.
God! deliver us from them!
Mayra-Mexico
Very true! I wonder what culture doesn’t experience these issues. I pray you find a wonderful husband!
thanks! I receive your prayer, embrace it and believe
…you know I’m on the edge of my seat
Ruthie, if you have not frequented http://www.challies.com, you should. You will love his Biblical insight.
http://www.challies.com/christian-living/letting-herself-go
this article particularly, was great!! Happy Thursday!
Love it! Thanks for sharing, Danelle. Happy Friday!!
I seem to have a talent for picking Mr. Inconsistent! (LOL)
This was a great post. It is a fabulous reminder as well… we ladies have to expect a man to actually pursue us! If he isn’t actively chasing us then we get to be single … which is much more fun for me right now anyway
I love your blog and am looking forward to the next chapter!
In His Love,
Rae
Hi Rae! Agree on all levels. Thanks for sharing & for reading my blog! Spread the word.
Hi Ruthie, me like this post…am in Kenya and it also happens here.
There is this guy who asked for my number, off course i gave him the number…then never called until two months later. he then asked for a date, we went for date #1….then after parting ways, he never even calls to find out if i got home safe.
Date #2. He changes the venue to a place i don’t know without telling me in advance…sits there waiting for me while am getting lost plus a thousand calls asking him for directions, ordered his food before me…lemme tell you i was o-f-f-e-n-d-e-d.I prayed him out of my life…and praise God coz I’ve never heard from him again.
Can’t wait for the next read. I tap into your prayer over Marya as I wait on God
Bless you and Michael….
Please visit my blog jessanyango.blogspot.com
Hi Jess! I hate that you were treated so disrespectfully. I’ll pray for the right man to come along for you. God knows how much you long for a husband!
Amen to that Ruthie dear! thanks in advance for the prayers…..and continue being a big blessing to us.Love you!
My ex boyfriend was Mr Inconsistent. I would constantly forgive him or make excuses for him. He has a demanding job that constantly changed. I spent 7 years with this man hoping he would be consistent… Hoping he would say what he meant like marry me… Neither happened. Live and learn. I left and I can spot Mr inconsistent so quickly now… And I turn and run!
The experience has taught me a lot and Im grateful I didn’t end up marrying him. 
Because I deserve better and I know I find it someday soon. 
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This is a good one…..I dated a man once who seemed floored by me the first few weeks. He called,said he loves me,calling all the sweet names. What really got me was that he was calling from another country (Finland to Kenya). All of a sudden he begun texting and when I hinted I wanted to hear his voice he dodged the matter,changed the topic or just went silent. I also went quiet on him. He hasn’t called since. I’d like to understand the motive for this behavior. Sweet at first then turns bland.
I love it when people get together and share ideas. Great blog, keep it up!
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