Our Favorite Relationship Questions

Couple in Love

Happy Friday!

Thank you everyone who wrote in and asked a question this weekend about dating & relationships. We’re thrilled for our book, Real Men Don’t Text, and are grateful for each of your kind words.

And the winners are . . .Drum. Roll. Please.

Renee (Runner Up) “So exciting! I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and have really enjoyed hearing what you have to say!

I thought you could maybe speak to those who are still in the finding-someone phase. What about those who are single and want to be dating, but aren’t for whatever reason? Similar to texting laziness, it seems like many guys aren’t even taking those first steps to pursue women. In a generation where men don’t do as much of the initiating, how can a woman walk that fine line between making herself available/making her interest clear and letting the guy be the pursuer? And what happens when no one is pursuing? What can a woman who wants a guy to take the lead and pursue do to encourage godly men to do so?”

John Mark: “I’ve been reading ever since I read your post about texting, Michael. I’ve tried to call instead of texting, but I find that women seem to like texting better. Is texting ok as long as she’s ok with it? I feel like I’m making my dates feel uncomfortable when I text . . .”

Sam: “My question is this: how far physically and sexually should a dating relationship go and how quickly should things progress? I’ve always been told by youth pastors and preachers that premarital sex is a big no-no, but that brings up the question of what defines sex and who has the right to define it? And how does a Christian deal with it when the world is telling us that any kind of sex is okay?”

Bex: “What I think is so tricky for many Christian singles or people who want to “do it right” is that the world is saying to go to a bar and find a random hookup (who, if you’re lucky, will stick around), and the church is saying don’t look at a member of the opposite sex until your future spouse gets revealed to you. These are two extremes, of course, but I think a lot of us feel stuck. As a women, I believed for a long time that if I liked a guy, I had to wait silently (in my case, almost 2 years) to see if he would figure it out, because God forbid I come across as the initiator. For guys, I think there is a fear of rejection, and also of coming across the wrong way.

Where can we find balance, and how can a relationship start properly? (online dating aside)”

What great questions! I will either answer your questions in the book, in a future blog post, or comment below as time allows. If each of you would send me your address, I’ll mail you a Starbucks Gift Card just in time for the holidays! And Renee, I’ll send you something, too:)

On that note, I want to apologize in advance for not blogging as regularly between now and January 15 when our manuscript is due. Working full time + writing a book is a dream come true, but also 8 cups of coffee/day exhausting.

Michael and I are going to his parents house for Thanksgiving next week. What are your plans? What’s a tradition you have for Thanksgiving?

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13 Responses to “Our Favorite Relationship Questions”
  1. Renee says:

    Thanks so much! I sent off my address.

    Happiest of Thanksgivings to you!

    • Jessica says:

      So excited to hear a response to this question!!! I got a huge smile when I saw Your name above!!! All the questions are great but sounds like you and I are in the same boat of frustration. Yay Renee!!!

  2. Beka says:

    Wow! I’m surprised and honored. :-) This is a question that a small group of my friends at church have started to discuss, and it’s a tough question to answer…

    Thank you! I’ll be emailing you shortly.

  3. Jessica says:

    These are all such great questions and I can not wait to hear yours and Michaels takes on them!! Have a very Happy Thanksgiving with Michaels family!! I will be spending my first thanksgiving not at my sisters-friends house but at my Dad and his girlfriends house with her family, it is going to be different and a challenge on the emotions I am sure but it will be nice to be with my Daddy and brother! Have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!!!

  4. Christy says:

    Great questions! I’m excited for the book…even if it means less blogging. I know you and Michael will make it worth the wait :)!
    Happy Thanksgiving!

  5. Jenny says:

    Hi Ruthie,
    I can’t seem to find a blog about this so thought I’d ask straight out.
    I’ve been asked out on a date with a guy who has more of a ‘wild’ past. I’ve grown up pretty conservative but he hasn’t been as fortunate and slept around in his non-Christian days.
    I’m aware of the importance and intimacy of sex before marriage. Do you feel this would be a deal breaker if he’s already been there? Will this just bring unnecessary baggage?

    • Jessica says:


      As someone who became a Christian later in life I have been where he is. Pray about it for sure bit keep in mind that God has forgiven him and washes him clean of his sin. A heads up for you though, if you date him and it leads to a relationship, because he knows what sex is like and the intimacy of it, he will struggle very hard to keep the boundaries so you will have to be careful not to tempt in a way that could cause him to drop his guard, because if you drop yours he may not be able to say no.. I am just speaking from my experience.

    • Ruthie Dean says:

      Hi Jenny,

      Great question. Thank you for asking! I would love to blog about this topic, but for now here are my thoughts. I would NEVER advise anyone not to date someone because of a ‘wild past’. If Christ has forgiven him, who are you to stand in judgment? NOW, having said that, you need to be very careful that his wild past actually is in the past. I’ve heard the line before that guys have changed and when you come down to it, they haven’t. Use wisdom & grace, ok?

      When you say, “wild past”, can you be more specific? Because if assault/rape of any kind was included in this past, these are very deep psychological issues that I strongly advise you to walk away from (heard too many of these stories!).

      Thanks for asking. Let’s discuss more!

      • Jenny says:

        Thanks Jessica and Ruthie.
        Great advice from both of you. No he definitely has t been I valves in rape or assault or anything like that.
        His ‘wild’ past was more just a lot of drinking and occasionally sleeping with someone. Since he’s become a Christian though he chooses not to drink, and hasn’t had a girlfriend and hasn’t slept with someone in years. He’s regularly at church every Sunday and enjoys personal devotions and learning from podcasts during the week. I think these are signs that he’s made a heart change?
        You’re both SO right! I’m not perfect, so who said my sin isn’t just as bad. If Christ can forgive me, he can certainly forgive this guy too!
        I guess it’s not so much that he was wild and necessarily disobedient, he just hasn’t discovered God yet. All our journeys are different and help shape us along the way :)
        I will meet up with him- a date isn’t a life commitment, I may just make a new friend!

  6. Jenny says:

    *hasn’t been involved

  7. magali says:

    my question is I am a Christian woman I have 32 years old and I prayed for my future husband, but my family have told me that they are not only to pray but also out new places or get out. But Im fraid to choosing the wrong guy .In my church is not guy ,I have been other churches but nothing. I dont know where else to find a Christian man.So what i can do.

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