Overcome your fear. I hear people use this phrase, but what does it really mean? My dad used to tell me I needed to overcome my fear of heights by going on a roller coaster. To date, I have only allowed roller coasters to take complete control of my body twice. Once, at Six Flags with my dad and best friend.  And the second time, I did it for a cute boy on a trip with the basketball team in high school. My sobbing and begging someone (“whoever was in control of this thing!”) to let me off “The Hulk” that ensued did not impress him. Mark my words: I will one day be the mom standing at the bottom of a roller coaster with all the lunch boxes and fanny packs and not feel left out AT ALL. Kids, don’t even try-I’m not going.

I’m still afraid of heights.  To add to this fear, I am now deathly afraid of flying brought on by two bad experiences with airplanes-both of which I was sure I would die. (I used a variation of the word ‘die’ twice in the last sentence. Usually I would edit, but in this case it feels necessary.)

It was a late night flight in China. Ominous feeling already, right? I was all alone, heading back to Chengdu, and we flew directly into a thunderstorm. The lightning wasn’t below us, it was on either side of us seeming to engulf the aircraft. I flipped rapidly through my Chinese dictionary as I couldn’t remember any of the crucial vocabulary for that moment. First I looked up turbulence. Then lightning. Then die. Dramatic, yes…but when you are on the opposite side of the world in a country where everyone thinks your hair is blonde (it’s clearly not) and wouldn’t know the first thing about getting in contact with your family-its scary. Trust me. “What the heck is going on? Don’t you see the lightning? Are we going to die?” I fumbled my way through the questions, using all the wrong tones.  The flight attendant with her white powdered face and red lips didn’t even acknowledge my question. I started bawling, thought about standing up to share the Good News with the plane, and wrote a goodbye letter to friends and family. The man next to me asked to move seats. I was interrupting his nap.

Flight Disaster #2: My sister Rachel and I flew back to Amsterdam from Ukraine. We were surrounded by Russians. As we began our descent, the plane LITERALLY flipped on its side. And started violently shaking. All the lights went out. I don’t remember much after that other than Rachel and I ducking our heads and asking God to PLEASE SAVE US. Everything over the intercom was in Russian and I could only imagine them saying, “We are going to crash. You are going to die today” as we plummeted through the sky. I thought the girl next to Rachel must have been a terrorist, because she did not even look up from her book as the plane was flipping through the air. Russian poker face at its finest.

So naturally when Thomas Nelson asked me to fly to Dallas last week, I thought to myself, “Perfect. I can overcome my fear of flying!” Wrong. I thought about plane crashes, dreamed about plane crashes, and almost told my team where my book manuscript was should I happen not to make it back. If you happened to have caught my husband and I saying goodbye to each other at the airport you might have guessed I was being deployed overseas indefinitely by the way I was crying and embracing him. On the tarmac, a woman next to me noticed my white knuckles gripping the arm rests and said, “Want some Zanex? It always helps me with flying.” Usually I don’t take medicine from strangers (I promise), but I was desperate. I popped a Zanex and talked with her the rest of the flight.

Fortunately for me (maybe not for them) I was with two of my bosses on the flight back to Nashville. As soon as the plane started to make screeching noises and bumping around in the sky, I asked Allen to kindly put down his manuscript (sorry editors) and tell me an interesting story. In between his story about meeting his wife and realizing she was “the one” I would intermittently duck my head and say something like, “Please God! Get this plane on the ground! Allen and Eric have children!” and then pick my head up and calmly mutter, “so you were saying…”. On our last flight from Houston to Nashville, I told our team, “If this turbulence does not stop in 2 minutes, I’m ordering a strong drink on the company.” To which Allen said, “Go ahead.” I decided to blog instead of drink, as I didn’t want to start a habit of drowning my fears with alcohol. We landed safely (duh because planes just don’t crash). On the ground it all seems so ridiculous.

Did I overcome my fear by flying to Dallas? Yes and no. If the definition of overcoming means I am no longer afraid of flying, then no. But I did overcome in the sense I didn’t allow my fear to control me or dictate my decisions. I knew the plane ride would be hard, but I didn’t allow my fear keep me in Nashville and away from the opportunity to travel and meet authors and readers. I still hate airplanes, probably always will dread flying in some sense, but the important part about fear is not necessarily overcoming the fear, but not letting your fear win. Ruthie 1: Airplane 0.

We are all afraid of something -whether legitimate or illegitimate. Whatever you’re afraid of, may you find the courage to not let it keep you from soaring to your full potential {pun-intended}.The trip to Dallas was well-worth the stress, especially hanging out with our incredible author Beth Wiseman.

And if you ever find yourself next to me on an airplane, I apologize in advance. Whatever I say cannot be held against me, because I will claim temporary insanity. Promise.

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