Stop Blaming Men for Your Singleness
I’ve been accused of many things on the web (don’t we bloggers subject ourselves to much criticism?), but two weeks ago saw a first: Regular Her.meneutics contributor Sharon Hodde Miller compared my personal blog post “10 Reasons He’s Not Calling You,” excerpted from the bookHave Him at Hello, to a “Cosmo checklist,” calling it a prime example of how not to help single women. I generally agree with Miller, that blaming women for their own singleness is not helpful. But I’d also argue that blaming men for being, well, men, is equally unhelpful. I’ve noticed this trend in Christian circles as of late.
There is no shortage of op-eds complaining about the lack of good men, a new study about men falling behind in the workforce, or another lamenting the marriage crisis because men won’t grow up and get a real job. In the most recent Internet skirmish, author Suzanne Venker claimed a war on men is in full-force—and that women are actually to blame for the lack of marriageable men. She asserts that the rise of women has changed the dance between the sexes, and that men apparently do not want to be married because “women aren’t women anymore.” We allegedly aren’t feminine or appealing enough, and are pushing men away with our career achievements.
From the Christian women I see around me, Venker misses the mark entirely. Christian women in general are still exuding feminity and not giving away free sex—but men are still not readily willing to give up their bachelor pads and buy a ring. So what’s the problem? Are men to blame?
Continue Reading Over on the Christianity Today blog for women.
P.S. Michael and I turned in our book last night! I cannot express how exhausted and simultaneously thrilled we are. I have no words for my gratitude and honor to be able to share my well of mistakes and experiences. Last night, we hit the “send” button and couldn’t sleep for hours because, as Michael said, “We have so much free time!” So naturally, we started planning a vacation;)
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Thank you SO MUCH for writing this!
This is a topic that has been on my heart a lot lately. I have started to get so sick of all the “no good men” talk, and I have recently been praying for God to show me ways to help build up my Christian brothers rather than criticize them. I agree with you that by tearing them down, we are probably only further discouraging them from ever growing into the godly men we supposedly want them to be.
I will definitely be sharing this article with all the women I know!
What about many of us Good men that wanted to get married to have a family but have so much very Bad Luck meeting a Good woman?