Questioning God’s Blessings

I have an interview tomorrow for my D-R-E-A-M  job. Thomas Nelson-the largest Christian publishing company in the world and the 7th largest trade publishing company-will interview me for a position in the fiction department in 31 hours. Am I nervous? Anxious? Both to the nth degree.

In effort to fully equip myself for the interview, I read the CEO’s blog yesterday.  I looked at the archives and noticed a post entitled “Why You Should Run A Half Marathon” and immediately knew I liked him. (5th Half Marathon coming up next month! Nashville Country Music!)

In his post “Chapter 4: Our Purpose”, Michael states the purpose of Thomas Nelson: to inspire the world.

And they believe they can change and inspire the world through the written word.

As an aspiring writer and someone who radically believes in the power of words to produce profound change in people, I stood up to get another cup of Starbucks coffee to celebrate finding a company who is actively involved in what I believe is God’s call for my life: write and allow the healing power of Christ to flow through my words into many people’s lives.

I do believe God is leading me to this job, but what if I’m wrong? I’m almost scared to write this blog post because then if I am not offered the job, I am back at square one, begging God to speak clearly about His call on my life and asking if I misheard Him before. Moving home from China produced a profound identity crisis in me because I did not have a clue what to do in “the real world”. My résumé states the facts: Vanderbilt Cum Laude, conversationally fluent in Mandarin Chinese, among a host of other accomplishments. However, I felt void and empty inside not knowing if I could get behind anything in the corporate world as riveting as evangelism in another language.

The truth is, I believe I am the best person for this job and have begged God to grant me favor during the interview tomorrow. But, I had to stop myself  yesterday because I was giving God ultimatums.

“It just wouldn’t be fair if you dangled this in front of me…after you’ve clearly led me to this place (a very rocky road, may I remind you)…only to take it away?” Have you ever prayed something like that before?

Does our Heavenly Father long to bless us? Does the God of the Universe know what is best for us?

The answer to both questions is undoubtedly YES. However, sometimes God’s blessings and idea of what is best for His children isradically different than what many of us want and ask for. How many of you wanted to get married by a certain age or wanted a certain job you just KNEW was meant for you….and then God DID NOT COME THROUGH. What is that about?!?

God is writing a beautiful story and invites each of us to play an integral part. We can complain and become bitter when God doesn’t come through on what we perceive as the ‘blessings’ we deserve, or we can trust God ‘s heart towards us and allow Him to author our story.  His story is about bringing hope and redemption to the farthest corners of the earth, and something we don’t want to miss out on because we are demanding our own way.

Pray with me:

God whatever happens, I trust you. I trust you not because you always give me what I want, but because you sent your Son to die for me and ultimately you know better.

I’ll keep you posted on the results:)