Yesterday, one of my co-workers said she was doing ‘damage control’ as she voraciously poured over the dating book known as The Rules. She’s one of the MANY beautiful single twenty-something women I work with. And know.
Why does it feel like everywhere we go there are incredible, accomplished, & attractive single women-with no available or eligible men anywhere in sight? It makes me incredibly frustrated and I have probably asked Michael 100 times if we could ‘brainstorm’ and see if he knows any single guys we could set up with my friends as most of them are single. Anytime he mentions a new guy he’s met, I immediately ask “is he single?”
I read an article yesterday entitled, “Sex is Cheap: Why Young Men Have the Upper Hand, Even When They’re Failing in Life” and while unsettling, I do believe it to represent truth. The article says men’s income is down 20% since 1971. Last year, only 43% of America’s undergraduates were men. Also, more women have jobs than men.
“The market price of sex is cheap,” as women are giving away sex much more freely than we did in the past. We aren’t in control in anymore. I’m each of you can name a couple who have been dating for 5+ years but the guy just won’t commit. Beyonce’s famous claim, “If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it” doesn’t seem to be the standard for the majority of women anymore. The standards have been drastically lowered, despite the explosion of male joblessness and the rise of deadbeats and players.
“If women were more fully in charge of how their relationships transpired, we’d be seeing, on average, more impressive wooing efforts, longer relationships, fewer premarital sexual partners, shorter cohabitations, and more marrying going on.” The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health shows none of these things is occurring. Not one. No wonder I see so many beautiful, accomplished women dating losers.
One of the reasons women don’t have the upper hand is because of imbalance of men & women. 57% of women graduating college have to compete with other women at school for the 43% of men. The tables have turned in the workplace, whereas before there were always more men-now that is just not the case.
This post has probably been unsettling for most of my single readers. But I share it to encourage you that while the dating situation is harder than ever before… it is not impossible. It’s not hopeless. And I also share because maybe it will help you navigate your thoughts of “is there something wrong with me?” Because the answer is no. It’s not you, it’s them. (not in every case, but you get the point). I also suggest quoting something sassy from above next time you’re at a family gathering and you are answering the why are you still single question?
In case you might wondered a time or two : you don’t have 3 eyes no one has told you about. You don’t omit a pungent odor that everyone except you can smell. You aren’t pathetic. And you won’t be a cat lady. Hang in there until the right guy comes along. Don’t move in with your boyfriend-or even think about it-because he’s much less likely to commit after he’s getting all the perks of marriage without the hard part of ’til death do us part’ & ‘in sickness and in health’.
Their question: So why are you still single?
Your answer: “Because I’m beautiful & accomplished and I’m not willing to giveaway sex to any guy who asks for it. Sure there are deadbeats, players, and boys still living in their parent’s basement on every corner-but I won’t settle for less than what I deserve.”
Say it to the mirror for practice. And flip your hair while you do.
You Also Might Enjoy:
Singleness, Settling, and Waiting for The One